Goop Dreams Of A Goop That’s Not Synonymous With Goop

Sales of tiny little bamboo mats with #AvocadoToastJigga ($1,700, GOOP) written on them must be down, because steamed vagina advocate Gwyneth Paltrow is talking about somehow separating herself from a lifestyle brand that’s literally named after her. It’s her fucking nickname. Page Six reports:

The actress has decided to distance herself from the brand, telling a crowd at Chicago’s Sage Summit on Wednesday that she feels her name could hold Goop back.
“My dream is that one day no one would remember that I have anything to do with it.” Paltrow said that in order to grow, she has thought, “How can I separate myself from the brand? — and I think it’s going to be more its own brand.”

I love how Gwyneth Paltrow actually thinks GOOP can survive without the free publicity of, “Hey guys, did you see what stupid shit Gwyneth Paltrow said today? It’s about douching with a live duck!” That’s its entire business model.

“So Gwyneth, what are you into this week?”
“Mostly bees. Jabbing myself in the face with bees.”
“You should tell everybody on the internet.”
“You know what? I should!” *types away, clicks roll in, a cheese spreader gets sold at a 85,000% markup because it’s made with gluten-free steel*

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