Gwyneth Paltrow Is Metaphysically Unaligning Herself From Thespiatic Endeavors

March 27th, 2014 // 38 Comments
'Conscious Uncoupling'
Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks For Sharing Premiere

Now that she’s consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin because divorce is what you, the little people, do (I bet you don’t even buy each other uncoupling gifts, you unwashed beggar’s bazaar.) Gwyneth Paltrow will now transcendentally acquit herself of acting and don’t say quit or she’ll stab you with her gilded pheasant deboning knife. E! News report:

The 41-year-old Hollywood A-lister also explained how it’s trickier to maintain her film career now that her children are getting older.
“It’s much harder for me. I feel like I set it up in a way that makes it difficult because… for me, like if I miss a school run, they are like, ‘Where were you?’ I don’t like to be the lead so I don’t [have] to work every day, you know, I have little things that I like and obviously I want it to be good and challenging and interesting and be with good people and that kind of thing.”
She added, “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

Just so we’re all clear, that was Gwyneth Paltrow literally saying her life as an actress is much harder than mothers who work 9 to 5 with the constant threat of unemployment and/or homelessness looming over their heads because one time she had to go to Wisconsin for two weeks then took the rest of the year off. Have you been to Wisconsin? All the cheese there is American. AMERICAN.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Really?

    Oh her life is so hard having a chef, a nanny and housekeeper. I can only imagine the stress from working 14 hours a day for 2 weeks and making over a million dollars. She should win an award…oh wait she did.

  2. Gosh, it’s a miracle she can find the time in her busy day to plow her Vespa nose-first and without hesitation into traffic. I guess I’ll just never be able to relate to the bourgeoisie.

    • In retrospect, she’s probably more like royalty. The bourgeoisie at least owned the means of production.

    • If I may gild this lily, she pulled said Vespa DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF A SCHOOL BUS full of children, and the bus nearly crashed.

      When I read her quote today about how average working mothers have life so much easier than she does, I literally wanted to throw up in the trashcan. The entitlement and obliviousness are just breath-taking. But, as Gwyneth herself said, “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be someone who (only) makes $25,000 a year.”

  3. Shut the fuck up, you pretentious, entitled twat.

  4. eh

    Thank you for showing she’s not better than us. What with her being skinnier and far more financially successful, it really gnawed at me. But now you showed that she’s actually worse, because she stated her opinion about something. Thanks again, keep up the good work.

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Stretching Yoga Pants
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “….ewww, er, I mean, mmmm! That smells delicious. It smells like the fetus juice on a, on a furry little duckling, born on Easter Morning. Innocent and full of hope….yesssss, yesss”

  6. MrChips

    Let me fix that for you: It’s trickier to maintain her film career now that SHE’S getting older.

    Since when do the kids enter into any decision making process?

  7. Hey Now

    Stars: they’re just like us (if you’re a pretentious asshole).

  8. I don’t care what pretentious, elitist terminology she uses to tell us she isn’t making anymore movies so long as she, you know… doesn’t make anymore movies.

  9. The Most Interesting

    “I just think that my particular take on the multiple dichotomies of Pepper Potts will last. Because we tolerate lesser versions of my art. We tolerate it because it’s common, it’s trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I’m setting the example. What I’ve done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed… forever.”

  10. Atomicbetty

    Pretentious bitch

  11. it pains me that I find her so hot. a painful grudge fuck until her head caves in would be stellar.

  12. Just this once

    Gwynie, you’re quitting before it becomes abundantly clear that there are no jobs for a woman of a certain… you.

  13. Gwyneth Paltrow Stretching Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to unconsciously uncouple dat ass

  14. AteIsEnough

    Look, a cunt stretching out her cunt! Brilliant!!

  15. Holy fuck, she’s annoying. Why is she so likable on camera and such a pretentious bitch off it? She really is a great actress.

  16. The Truth Hurts

    TRANSLATION: There are literally 100+ female actresses
    (on the wrong side of 40) who are (a) Accessable, (b)Easier
    to work with, (b) More Attractive, and (c) just Better Actresses.
    If you deduct the Ironman hires from her resume, she hasn’t
    been in an “A List” movie for over 10 years, more like 15.
    Nobody wants to hire this bitch, for all the grief she causes.
    She might as well retire (aka: nobody is offering any parts).

  17. Swearin

    Frankly, she could take half a decade off and still be financially solid, though no doubt she will continue to push her stupid lifestyle crap and do commercials, which for celebs are extremely lucrative for how little time they have to invest doing them.

    And if all that isn’t enough? Alimony, baby!

  18. Kate

    As a full time working mom of two kids, all I can really say to this is, “Fuck you, Goop.”

  19. Annoyed that I'm Annoyed

    I explain this to my 79-year-old father all the time: There is no such thing as a “9 to 5″ office job anymore. My average work day is 12-14 hours (on salary). I’m very grateful to have a good job, but don’t act like you being on set for 14 hours is any more difficult.
    It just shows how she is extremely out of touch with reality, yet I don’t know why this angers me so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

    • Because she’s paid an exorbitant amount for a work week that you, and thousands of others, probably put in in terms of hours every one of the 52 that are allotted – but your salaries won’t extend to nannies, personal trainers, personal assistants, maids, hairdressers, dieticians, cooks, housekeepers, personal shoppers, drivers, publicists, decorators and go-fers – all of whom help to free up her time and make her day run smoothly, and could actually show up to pick up her kids if she can’t make it. As opposed to you (if you have kids) – yours will who have to wait at the curb (with the pissed-off daycare owner) for you to finally show up when you’re running late due to that 14 hour day.

      Life may be a bitch, you don’t have to lose touch with what it’s like for most people and become one due to that.

    • Karma

      Movie Actors/Actresses work anywhere from 30 days, to 90 days,
      on an average movie. Most of them do 1 movie a year, if that. There
      are exceptions, big A list stars can do 3-4 a year like Leonardo and
      Clooney, but they literally work their asses off to do it. So when
      somebody like Goop, who may do a movie every other year, bitches
      about the inconvenience, she’s full of shit. Period. She probably
      takes at least 9 month off, to prep for each Ironman movie.

      TV Actors are the people who REALLY work hard, they shoot
      up to 6 months a year for shows like CSI, and they work long
      ass hours, and they can’t take a day/week off during shooting,
      because the hand made Albanian tile in their kitchen is the
      wrong shade of shit brown. Part of the reason Goop doesn’t
      work much is, after you stand people up during a movie shoot
      a few dozen times, nobody hires you anymore. Let’s see how
      many more Marvel movie shoots she gets hired for in the future.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …let’s not overlook another major factor: even though an actor may “work” a 14 hour day, they’re not working all 14 hours, they’re just on set all day …there’s a phrase in the business; “hurry up and wait” …you can literally have 2 or 3 hours of downtime whenever the crew needs to set up for the next shot, do a lighting change, or, god forbid, something goes wrong and they need to fix it …actors (at her level) spend WAY more time fartknocking around in their trailer than they spend acting. (and the bigger the star you are, the bigger the trailer…some of them are equivalent to a 1 bedroom apartment that would fetch $3000 a month in manhattan) …actors (at her level) really are just as pampered as you’ve seen in any movie or tv show that spoofs them.

      • Karma

        It depends. On a movie, a big star with a lot of dialog
        spends a lot of time working on his/her notes and then
        memorizing literally pages of script. Someone like Goop
        who hasn’t been a lead character in a movie since Clinton
        was President, not so much. Her screen time in the recent
        Ironman movies is minimal at best.

        On a TV show, you get there by 5am, and hit the set by 7.
        You’ll probably be there “on and off” for the next 12 hours.
        Usually you’re changing clothes and learning dialog to shoot
        multiple “scenes” on a busy day. A lot less when it’s slow.
        That’s why movie actors traditionally stay away from TV.
        You can do 2 movies a year, 3-4 months work, easy.
        TV Show actors work just under 6 months of the year.
        That is, if someone is hiring, so Goop doesn’t count.

        Goop’s Marvel part is about over, she’s simply too old.
        If the Ironman franchise continues (which I really doubt)
        they will replace her soon enough.

  20. Patty

    She is such a C*NT!

  21. Vito


  22. F*ck her. How in the hell is that any different than having job that requires 40-50% travel? Stupid bitch.

  23. Xyz2

    Notice how you never see or hear anything about her or her mother Blythe together? I bet you Blythe Danner cannot even stand this insufferable bitch.

  24. It must be awful to be her! I cannot imagine…
    Not having to worry about where your next meal is coming from or if you´ll lose your job, sleeping deeply and stressfree in a big luxurious bed on sheets that probably cost more than common peoples cars, waking up and being tended to by your modern day slaves, getting on a private jet on weekends to go sit in your villa in Spain or one of your other luxurious homes around the world, not having to sit and do homework, cook or clean or do anything remotely physical or boring, not having to think or worry or DO anything in general, spending the day at the spa or shopping for designer shoes, working just 2 or 3 months a year to earn the kind of money that us common people will NEVER even see even in 10 lifetimes etc.Ugh..must be terrible! How has she not overdosed?

    As a working mother of 3, all I have to say about her rich girl “problems” is – GO FUCK YOUR SELF GWEN!
    Someone should make her live like a fucking pleb for a few months and see how great she thinks it is then, the pretentious bitch.

  25. D-chi

    I have to kill her. That’s it. I have to do this. It’s my duty as an underemployed American who cant’ find steady work because college is a lie.

  26. I think one of my favorite parts is the “I don’t like to be the lead”. I had to laugh. Is she being offered leads anymore? Are there really people out there clamoring for the next GP movie? All she’s done recently is Ironman, and let’s be realistic, she is not the draw. She’s not even as interesting as the Ironman suit! If she weren’t in the next one would people care? You’d think someone would be around during her interviews. The reporters must have a hard time covering their real reactions. She’s kind of the ultimate irony. So pretentious about people and then she keeps talking and you realize she is a complete freaking MORON.

  27. JustinTIME

    She hasn’t been A-List in like 10 years. Playing a forgettable role- and one that ANY actress could pull off- in the Iron Man movies doesn’t change that. She’s really a terrible actress who is only tolerable when surrounded by great male actors in decent movies. Even then she’s still the most forgettable, and worst, part of those movies.

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