Gwyneth Paltrow Wants A Pepper Potts Movie Now. Oh, Goddammit.

May 7th, 2013 // 24 Comments
Thank You, Shane Black
Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man 3
'Iron Man 3'
The Superficial Review Read More »

So spoiler alert: Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t die in Iron Man 3, and apparently she’s already been talking about her own solo movie because a.) some journalists patronized her during the premiere and b.) it’s another excuse to talk about how awesome Gwyneth Paltrow is at getting in shape. “Nigga, I’ll live off of falafel lint for a month,” is something I imagine her saying to a cardboard cutout of Beyonce. Via Babble:

How does it feel, as Pepper, to be that strong?
I loved it so much. You know, I was getting kind of like, come on, guys. Pepper, like, let’s- come on, like, all these boys are flying around doing all this fun stuff, and I loved how patient and kind and sweet Pepper is. But when I read this script, I was like, “oh yeah!” She’s in the suit and flying around, and I loved doing the stunts. As I said, I really had never done anything like that before and it was really fun. I felt like I should’ve been doing this my whole life. It’s like, “why am I doing all these period films. it’s so boring.”

Are we gonna see you in more action films?
I don’t know. I would actually really like to, but really, am I old now to start, like, you know, being in action movies. I would like to. The nice thing is that everybody’s sort of been very sweet about Pepper in this movie, like all the journalists who came in. They were like, “oh my God, you have to have your own movie,” because in the comics, Pepper gets her own suit, and she becomes a character called Rescue. They’re like, we need a Rescue movie, and I’m like, okay, well, I’d better hit the gym.

Of course, the end of Iron Man 3 never fully address how things worked out for Pepper and why not leave her pumped full of Extremis just like (maybe) Tony? In fact, if the solo movie has at least two scenes of them shooting fire from and at each others’ sex parts, I’d probably pay money to see that which makes me part of the problem. I’m why we can’t have nice things.

Photos: Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. MD2020

    Remember when there was talk of giving Halle Berry’s Jynx character her own movie?

    I see any Pepper Potts movie having the same result, unless they have a lot of superhero cameos in it.

  2. Cock Dr

    God she’s homely looking here.
    That color is not good on her.

  3. Firecrotch McBatshit

    Halle Berry still wants a Jinx movie, too. Just because you want it doesn’t make it worthwhile.

  4. JC

    The idea that such a movie should exist assumes that there’s a significant overlap of superhero-action-movie fans and Gwyneth Paltrow fans. I suspect that’s not true.

  5. tombalas

    Falafel lint? As the wounded bank robber said to Dirty Harry, I needs to know.

  6. Pepper kicked ass in the movie and was very fuckable, but she doesn’t deserve her own movie.

  7. I will go see it, only if the plot involves her arch-enemy The Glutenator killling her, and mailing her decrapitated head to Brad Pitt.

    • JC

      I would also accept an enemy of OreoMan, who travels around the world giving poor-people food to only the most cultured, French-cartoon-watching children.

  8. Gwyneth Paltrow MET Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish she hadn’t photobombed Maggie Gyllenhaal.

  9. ThisWillHurt

    “Of course, my suit will be made entirely from the finest organic silk made from the hands of a thousand Indian virgins, knit by the world’s oldest Meryl Streep look-a-like, and soldered by Vietnam veteran who listens to NPR on the metal plate in his head.”
    “Um, aren’t the Iron Man suits some kind of titanium/gold alloy?”
    “Bitch, you cray cray. Organic beget?”

  10. Cher X

    People went to the Iron Man movies to see Robert Downey Jr. They *tolerated* Gwyneth Paltrow.

  11. Fandango

    “Gwyneth Paltrow Wants A Pepper Potts Movie”

    That should go over about as well as that Cat Woman/Halle Berry movie did…razzies and all.

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow MET Gala
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey everybody! Have I mentioned yet today that Jay-Z and Beyonce are my black friends? Once I was the whitest white girl ever, but their earthy negro magic has Bagger Vanced me into an honorary black person! In fact, I’m now recording an album of plantation spiritual songs, just like my people sang back during the slavery days. I’ll sing you the first track – ‘Day-oh, day-ay-oh! Daylight come and me wanna go home!’”

  13. Smapdi

    I thought Paltrow did period pieces because she realized she’s a giant cunt.

  14. diablorojo

    Is Gwyneth Paltrow the most beautiful woman in the world? No. Does she have the most effective manager in the world? Definitely.

    In fact, Gwynny’s manager needs to be awarded a Congressional Medal of Nobel Purple Hearts for ungodly acts performed in the line of duty. Cringe inducing, retro bush, duty.

  15. I want a Gwyneth Paltrow snuff porn called Pooper Puts: The End.

  16. grobpilot

    For someone who calls herself too old to be in action movies, she talks like she’s 13 years old. Like, you know? Come on, like!

  17. Gwyneth Paltrow MET Gala
    Ibepiglet
    Commented on this photo:

    Gwyneth Shmyneth! Check out the side boob photobomb!

  18. Oh Snap!

    Wow – all that fancy, private school education and she is remarkably inarticulate. Like, wow.

Leave A Comment