Gwyneth Paltrow’s Children Won’t Ruin Your Authentic Spanish Wedding With Peasant Talk

Let me just start off by saying, yes, I completely understand and appreciate that teaching children to be multilingual at a young age improves cognition which is why Europeans stare at us the same way we watch Honey Boo Boo put more butter in her s’getti. That said, it still doesn’t make it less bourgeois horseshittery in taupe when Gwyneth Paltrow does it, and I shan’t be a party to discourse that suggests otherwise. I SHAN’T BE A PARTY. Us Weekly reports:

Gwyneth Paltrow wants her kids Apple, 9, and Moses, 7, to be well-rounded and worldly — so much so that in an effort to teach them to be bilingual, she sometimes encourages them to speak with her only in Spanish, a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly.
While at Cameron Diaz’s Beverly Hills home for the Oct. 12 wedding of Diaz’s assistant, Jesse Lutz, the Iron Man 3 star, 41, urged her children to put their language skills to use. “Gwyneth reminded them through the party,” a witness tells Us.
“At one point,” the onlooker says, “Apple came to her table and asked, in Spanish, if she could sit on her lap!”

In fairness, she does a similar thing at Beyonce and Uncle Jay’s house where the children are encouraged to speak in the dialect of their hosts. Which – haha – led to this absolutely ribald conversation where – snort – Apple asked Jay Z – ohmygod I can’t – if they’re going to have another baby so they can get more money from – *bites fist* – the “gummint.” She literally said “gummint!” You had to be there. Plus it was a good question. She heard her organic couscous pop that night.

Photos: Getty