It’s Gwyneth Paltrow Acting In Lingerie

“Would you fuck me? I’d fuc- Wait, I already used that joke.

Here’s the trailer for Thanks For Sharing, a romantic comedy starring Mark Ruffalo as a recovering sex addict who’s trying not to plow a yoga instructor played by Gwyneth Paltrow. Or something. Which makes absolutely zero sense because the last person a sex addict should date is a limber, flexible woman. However, it would make sense if he was dating the actual Gwyneth Paltrow which would cure anybody of sex addiction.

“Okay, I laid out the Mesopotamian sheets and instructed the French children to play their lyres. If you’re done reading the rhythmic breathing instructions from last week’s GOOPletter, we can begin the lovemaking.”
“…” *saws off penis*