Gwyneth Paltrow Just Defended Kim Kardashian. The Gwyneth Paltrow.

April 5th, 2013 // 27 Comments
Goddammit
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So Gwyneth Paltrow hates Beyonce now. That’s literally the only way to interpret what in the actual fuck just happened here. ET Online reports:

The event was the opening of lean green actress Gwyneth Paltrow and world renowned trainer to the fitness gods, Tracy Anderson’s, new workout studio in Brentwood on April 4, but with a very pregnant Kim K on the red carpet, it wasn’t long before talk surrounding the reality star’s highly publicized pregnancy and the controversy about her weight gain and belly hugging fashion choices became the topic of discussion.

“I think that women should support each other, especially through pregnancy,” Gwyneth says. “It’s a difficult time and I think Kim Kardashian looks absolutely beautiful. And we’re supposed to gain weight when pregnant — that’s how God intended it.”

Before you start hyperventilating like I did for surely the seal has been broken and the twilight of man is upon us, you should probably know that every single person posed with Kim Kardashian on the red carpet except Gwyneth Paltrow. For a second there, I thought she was genuinely concerned for a shaven yak beneath her station and will now remove my hand for this insolence.

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN

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  1. I would like to offer an alternative explanation:
    Kim agreed to suck the carbs right out of Gwyenth on a monthly basis.

  2. ” And we’re supposed to gain weight when pregnant — that’s how God intended it.”

    Did your god intend her to gain 80lbs for a 1lb fetus? I mean damn…I thought the whole incest, slavery, and murdering disobedient children stuff was bad, but this is just cruel.

  3. Inner Retard

    Fish forgot to include the decoding key. When she says “that’s how God intended it” you substitute “I” for God and add “except for me”. It’ll make more sense that way.

  4. I think it’s safe to say that the Kardashians are an abomination and a direct affront to even an imaginary gods, so invoking his/her name is not relevant to any discussion.

  5. Damn it Goopy, that is the last straw, you are officially dead to me, well after we have sex, then you are officially dead to me.

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s tough being Paltrow. Always worrying your anti-peasant cream will wear off mid-hug.

  7. what gwyneth said: (redband version)

    “I think that women should support each other, especially through pregnancy or during pathetic attempts at attention getting and tv show ratings through pregnancy,” Gwyneth says. “It’s a difficult time and I think Kim Kardashian looks absolutely beautiful for a fat plastic peed on cow with no real true fashion sense. And we’re supposed to gain weight when pregnant and also when we are pretentious sex tape urinal fame whores — that’s how corporate tv studios intended it.”

  8. I love how she managed to alienate everyone with this statement: “And we’re supposed to gain weight when pregnant — that’s how God intended it.”

    Some will be mad that she suggest God exists, and the rest will be mad that she said God loves fat chicks.

  9. Mario Starr

    Shallow Hal might want a gal, but Quim Skank-trashian is one huge-bitch. And that’s BEFORE the pregnancy.

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    Must have a fetish for damaged women because damn it, I would.

  11. Minky Wail

    So Gwyneth has become a spokesperson for PETA?

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “When you are extra-beautiful spiritually and physically like me, you have to be nice to the fatties! Makes you seem more human, even though are above that.”

  13. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    Drawing on a wealth of knowledge gained her by many a “McGyver” viewing marathon, Paltrow made use of nearby electrical tape to hold the back of her gown together.

  14. tom

    I would put something in her mouth and she would stop talking.

  15. I have to laugh at all you who actually believe you’re defending her by saying “leave her alone”, “bullies!” etc. She loves it! Good and bad! Any and all publicity makes her and her family VERY rich. In fact, bad publicity’s the biggest money-spinner of all. I am 99% sure she dresses hideously on purpose.Kim is not bullied. She DELIBERATELY sets out to provoke and upset. She walks around with some strange sense of entitlement, thanks to her own narcissism and dumb fans. I’ll never understand how anyone can like her, after all she has done to people and keeps doing. She doesn’t care about her fans, just the attention and money that they give her. She doesn’t need or want defending – insults are her lifeline and her blood.

    I am totally anti bully, but this girl has no shame. She could easily retreat and be low key, but instead she is always high profile and making revolting decisions while playing innocent. PLUS, you realize she doesn’t read these comments and doesn’t care if you guys are bashing her or defending her, she doesn’t know you guys exist THAT’s why people are saying what they want to say (THEIR TRUTH)cause if wont affect her either ways.

  16. judgingyou

    Is Goop trolling Kim Kardashian?

  17. Burt

    The fact she’s pregnant doesn’t change the fact that she’s undeserving of anyone’s sympathy. Remember, she signed off on that porn movie in order to become famous just like her friend, Paris Hilton.

  18. Robocop

    KK looks — dare I say it — leaner in this less-hideous outfit. Ooops, spoke too soon. That pic of her bussing Molly shows where all that fat is hiding — in her lumpy butt!! But that face!! YIPES!! She’s gotta lay off whatever she’s pumping in her lips and cheeks!!

  19. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    some black guy
    Commented on this photo:

    this woman is a goddess

  20. Kel

    Kim does look beautiful. Like a majestic Orca that just swallowed a pod of dolphins.

  21. Piper

    Maybe Gwyneth needed fresh cow-person milk for her latest frittata recipe?

  22. Who Knows?

    Maybe Gweneth secretly likes; nasty interacial anal sex, golden showers, and sucking her own shit-bits of some random’s dick.

  23. Gwyneth Paltrow Legs Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio Grand Opening
    Derrick
    Commented on this photo:

    Very nice!

  24. Martin

    Gwyneth is one desperate dog these days. How much media pr do she want. Her agent is working over time.

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