How Many Affairs Is Gwyneth Paltrow Having?

February 19th, 2014 // 26 Comments
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Despite having Chris Martin‘s initial tattooed on her pubic bone, Defamer (via former Gawker editor’s Neetzan Zimmerman‘s new startup app Whisper) is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow had or is having an affair with Kevin Yorn. Whether that’s on top of or in place of the one she was reportedly having with millionaire hotel owner Jeff Sober is never really mentioned, but supposedly this is the real affair that Vanity Fair found out about, but then decided not to publish because celebrities won’t let you tongue their buttholes if you talk about the other tongues going into their buttholes. It’s a butthole eat butthole business. I can’t stress that enough. *scooches forward in seat* What?

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    “The only thing I like more than serial adultery is Vegenaise and $5,000 Manolo Blahnik shoes that you wear once then throw out. But really, if I don’t get my skull banged on the headboard on a regular basis, I can still hear the Coldplay music in the kid’s room.”

  2. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That body needs a personality transplant ASAP.

  3. How does the whole celebrity asshole eating work? Do you get to pick who is licking you? Do you get to pick the ones you lick? If the answers to the last two questions are yes, I’ll need to know where to get a sign up form. If the answers to both are Selena Gomez, I’ll need some protein bars, Gatorade, and a snorkel too.

  4. Maybe they are not affairs, maybe they are swingers or have an open marriage?

  5. Deacon Jones

    I love it when people who think their shit doesn’t stink get publicly exposed. Love it.

  6. JungleRed

    Really, who gives a shit? She’s boring as hell.

  7. whatthe

    Chris Martin probably gets all sorts of groupie ass, so she’s entitled to have some extras along the side as well.

  8. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Commented on this photo:

    The only way she has sex with another man, if all the members of Coldplay get to watch. It’s in her prenup.

  9. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Judd
    Commented on this photo:

    The old grey mare–she ain’t what she used to be!

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Judd
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d rather back a young maple sapling—better figure!

  11. Ted Knight

    How many fingers if scotch does it take to get in the mood for her? I don’t think her personality is gonna give anyone a chubby, and the face/body sure doesn’t make me think of my nether regions

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Commented on this photo:

    open marriage, for sure. If you were Chris Martin, wouldn’t you agree to it? How else can he handle her narcissistic personality disorder? I’m sure that was in the prenup.

  13. This woman is such a horrible self absorbed human being that she makes me want to jerk off to pictures of Hilary Clinton and Michelle Obama.

  14. They obviously have an open marriage. I bet Chris runs through groupies like nobody’s business. Gwyneth is fucking hot. As long as she doesn’t talk, I totally would.

  15. coljack

    Gwyneth explains her daily routine to Women’s Wear Daily: “I’m pretty much your average working mom. I wake up at 7 a.m., I get the kids fed, and I get them dressed in their uniforms, any bits of homework are finished. I take them to school. Apple gets dropped off at 8:25 a.m., and Moses gets dropped off at 8:45 a.m., so we have a croissant together in his school dining room and we do reading together. Then I go home and I work for one hour on all the e-mails that come in overnight from L.A. Then I exercise from about 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. Then I work on Goop pretty much the rest of the day until I take a break around 3:00 to vigorously fuck one of an assortment of suitable male companions who maintain strict organic vegan diets, then pick up my kids.”

  16. ‘because celebrities won’t let you tongue their buttholes if you talk about the other tongues going into their buttholes. It’s a butthole eat butthole business. I can’t stress that enough’

    THIS. This is why I come to The Sup.

  17. I see Fish is still confused about the location of the pubic bone.

  18. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure looks good there

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