Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gone Full Jew

After once referring to herself as a “Jewish princess” due to her family belonging to a Eastern European rabbinical dynasty, Gwyneth Paltrow has apparently stopped dicking around with Kabbalah and fully converted to Judaism. And before someone makes a joke about how she just wants to keep working in Hollywood, I’ll have you know Gwyneth Paltrow launched her career through sheer grit and also being the goddaughter of Steven Spiel- you know what? Let’s just put a pin in this. Page Six reports:

Gwyneth Paltrow is converting to Judaism after her conscious uncoupling with husband Chris Martin, sources tell Page Six.
The actress is quietly converting after years of following Kabbalah, which originated in Judaism, and being friends with Michael Berg, co-director of the Kabbalah Centre.

And while Gwyneth will bring up the rich Jewish ancestry on her father’s side to make it sound like this is her artisanal destiny, her mother’s side is Pennsylvania Dutch which practically makes us relatives and I’m about as Jewish as a pork chop. — Did anyone just hear a scream? Did it sound like bloody murder? Perfect.

Photos: Getty