Gwyneth Paltrow & January Jones Named ‘Least Influential People of 2011′

December 2nd, 2011 // 34 Comments
Almost Makes You Forget Every Word She Says. Almost. Read More »

Through some sort of holiday magic, somehow both Gwyneth Paltrow AND January Jones made GQ’s list of “The Least Influential People of 2011.” And I say somehow because there’s absolutely zero mention of the time Gwyneth made a pretentious list of pretentious shit she can’t live without or the bastard baby January carried to term so she can eventually wield it like a knife at the dude who wouldn’t leave his wife for her. You’d assume those would be the highlights. Via Starpulse:

Editors at GQ magazine have followed up Barbara Walters’ annual list of “The 10 Most Fascinating People” of the year by creating their own compilation of celebrities who’ve failed to contribute something of “value” to the world, and both blonde beauties were nominated for the shameful honor.

Jones was one of 25 selected because the latest season of her hit TV show “Mad Men” was delayed from airing until 2012 and Paltrow was named for “unleashing her awful cookbook on the world.”

So let me get this straight, had Mad Men aired on time, January Jones would’ve somehow provided “value” to the world by saying lines like a goddamn robot? I have no fucking clue how that makes any sense, so to salvage this post, I added photos below of January Jones and Eva Mendes out last night where Eva almost treated January exactly like she treats her own son as soon as the paparazzi showed up except she left out the part where you roll the other person into a sewer grate and go, “Baby? What baby?”

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN


  1. LegMan

    I don’t know about that. Gwyneth is influencing a part of me right now.

  2. Frank Burns

    Must be prom night in Sherwood Forest

  3. Nina

    I’m not sure why Gwyneth insists on wearing such low-cut gowns when she doesn’t even have the tits to fill the out. Her bony chest isn’t hot.

  4. DeucePickle

    Least Influential ? Who comes up with these lists ?

  5. Donald Trump

    Oh poor Gwen. This must be a crushing blow to her ego. How will she ever have fab dinner parties now?

    • Gwyneth Paltrow

      I’ll continue to entertain just as I always have: splendidly. Thankfully, the guests who clamor to crowd around my Italian-stone-topped refectory table and dab the remains of my yummy macro-meals from their lips with my Porthault linen serviettes (only proles say “napkins”) are European or English, like Madonna, and don’t follow silly little made-up “lists” like this.

    • Gwyneth Paltrow

      Oh, goodness, no. I really don’t understand where that came from! I find most Malaysian peoples to be qute charming, but incredibly unskilled except for doing computer factory work like pushing those little chips into the mother boardy-thing.
      So I can’t say I’d be comfortable having them handle my Royal Copenhagen, let alone trusting them to maintain the cashmere gliders on the soles of their shoes that are of the essence for quiet-as-mice service. If domestics have to be seen they should be never heard!

      Besides, if they were neutered I think it would just make their voices high-pitched, which isn’t so desirable, either – I have enough trouble with Chris in that department these days.

  6. Satan's bitch

    Queen Gwynnie: Waste of Skin. Verified by GQ.

  7. forrest gump

    ofcourse, look at her.

  8. Deacon Jones

    Here’s a theory –

    This was GQ’s way of giving a giant “FUCK YOU” shout out to two of the most pretentious, “You used to be hotter”, self-important, willing to feed children their own shit, CUNTS !!!!!!


  9. JungleRed

    Now watch Gwyneth’s intercept Madonna to snatch up the next available black baby so she can feel relevant again.

  10. Maybe Chris Martin can do his spastic Coldplay dance to snap her out of her funk over this.

  11. EricLr

    It’s lovely that Gwyneth deigned to be on this list. It shows she’s in touch with the common rabble, and all that.

    Now, don’t take that as an indication that she’s actually going to touch any of you people, or eat in your commoner eating establishments, or allow her children near you or anything.

  12. Kirk

    I guess it is appropriate since GQ is one of the least influential mags these days.

  13. Kirk

    And oddly enough she is more influential than anyone commenting here!

  14. cc

    All I think of when I look at that pic of Gwyneth is how greasy duck is.

  15. Venom

    I am pretty sure she could influence me to do some bad things to her.

  16. Gweneth ” Tater-Tits” Paltrow just needs a big hug from nasty pervert since she has a open marriage.

  17. Gwyneth Paltrow Cleavage Bambi Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I know this is green and my publicist said that they specifically asked me to wear something in red, but does it really matter? I mean, my mom always told me that only Danners/Paltrows were gifted enough to distinguish between the two.

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