Gwyneth Paltrow is Here, Gay People.
You’re Safe Now.

“Except the poor ones. HIYEEE!”

Because she’s been on Glee once, Gwyneth Paltrow is an expert on gays now and dedicated today’s GOOP newsletter where she tackles homophobia’s roots in The Bible while offering up an anecdote that she expects you to believe didn’t end with her beating Apple with a riding crop for communing with peasants:

A few months ago, in the heat of the tragic teen suicides that came about from intolerance of homosexuality, I saw a man on television who was apologizing for wishing death on gays from his facebook page. This member of an Arkansas school board was contrite for the violence in his words, but maintained that his values pertaining to homosexuality would remain, as he felt homosexuality was condemned in the bible. This concept, while foreign to me, is interesting, as it used to justify so much judgement and separation in our society. When my daughter came home from school one day saying that a classmate had two mommies, my response was, “Two mommies? How lucky is she?!” What does it actually say in the bible that will cause some people to be upset by my line of thinking?

Happy pride.


What’s frustrating about this situation is I actually do believe The Bible is a fictional, heavily-edited document that’s a giant albatross around our country’s neck, except hearing Gwyneth Paltrow say it makes me want to join the Westboro Baptist Church. Because, seriously, if she’s on this side of the issue, maybe God really is killing soldiers to punish America for accepting homosexuals. I know that sounds horrible to think about, but on the opposite side of that coin is Gwyneth Paltrow knowing what the hell she’s talking about. I won’t have it.

Photos: Getty