Gwyneth Paltrow Thanks You For Your Support

To us, the poor and downtrodden, it would seem like the entire Internet had a field day with Gwyneth Paltrow announcing she’s consciously uncoupled from Chris Martin and quitting acting because it’s much, much harder than being a mother who works 9 to 5. Except we’re seeing things through a plebeian paradigm of noncelestial happenstance while Gwyneth possesses a metamorphic Rosetta Stone that allows her to see nothing but an outpouring of love and support which is why she left this generous offering of words on her latest chicken recipe:

P.S. CM and I in deep gratitude for the support of so many. ♥

And by so many, she means just Cameron Diaz because only Cameron Diaz is out there trying to sell this shit. Which makes this all classic GOOP.

“Gwyneth, I love all your recipes and buy all the clothes on your site. Thank you so much for acknowledging my support. You’re just so great.”
“That message was for a famous person whose life matters.”
“Oh… will you still GOOP in my mouth?”
“Is your bloodline pure?”
“… Yes?”
“I’m supposed I’m obligated then…”

Photos: Getty