Gwyneth Paltrow Fondled Some Dude’s Testicles On British Television

April 22nd, 2013 // 23 Comments
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Per the requisites of her royal lineage, Gwyneth Paltrow appeared on British television Friday night where in a fit of unscrupulous balderdash, she cupped a man’s scrotum in her hands for a cheap and tawdry laugh thus besmirching the crown and all of England. As to where this places her marriage to Chris Martin, Ms. Paltrow was quoted as saying, “Beyonce person, please. Ain’t nothin’ but a tofu-ken wing.” She’d later announce her plans to “shoot up” a lentil bodega for not selling fresh, macrobiotic bean dust for her to feed her children a teaspoon of for dinner. “Not in my house! Although it is more of a Parisian villa with Cambodian fusion decor, but the principle stands!”


  1. Cock Gobble Gobble

    First time for everything.

  2. judgingyou

    You’ve got to love British television, they know no fear.

  3. I’m not gonna lie, if that happened to me on tv, I’d pull a JCVD. There’s no way I wouldn’t be sporting a boner if a woman of her caliber, as annoying as she is, is grabbing my junk. Who am I kidding, a woman of any caliber grabbing my junk is grounds for a salute.

  4. Goopy grabbing your balls, that would not suck. Just when I was starting to hate her even more, the bitch brings me right back. Damn you Goopy.

  5. To be fair, though, if she hadn’t, Graham Norton would have.

  6. I take it that I’m supposed to feel that I’m not worthy of watching that video?

  7. Cock Dr

    Considering who she’s married to this isn’t surprising.

  8. Although, in all honestly, there’s nothing tawdry nor offensive to the Crown in a good ball hoisting. I’ll have you know that’s the traditional greeting of the House of Windsor.

  9. She could grab my balls anytime.

  10. colt13

    I’d hit it and think of her mom.

  11. Personally, I find that when she does that she has a tendency to squeeze too softly, although I do enjoy the massage action.

  12. Gwyneth rocks!

    This is awesome! +1 for her balls! ;-)

  13. Bene

    hahaha these prude us-americans are so funny, thank you guys

  14. Sheppy

    “Did that just happen?”


  15. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I can’t fucking stand Lee Mack!

  16. RD

    I didn’t think the day would come in which I would find something positive about ‘Goopy’, but props to her for being such a good sport and playing along with the skit.

  17. Elf

    I wonder what the reaction would have been if Lee Mack had touched her bajingo.

  18. Sign, will grab and fondle UK balls but is it beyond her to touch USA balls? Still i would grudge fuck her.

  19. Robocop

    Goop’s gone goofy.

  20. Jefferson

    Sad this broad thinks she is sexy,
    in reality she is a stringy haired, plane, aging no talent actress.

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