Gwyneth Paltrow Got Drunk And Talked About Her Shaved Vagina

May 13th, 2013 // 30 Comments
Goop Quits The Met Gala
Gwyneth Paltrow MET Gala
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“Sir, my pubic hair is of the purest, most royal silk. The local villagers call me, ‘Senora Pussy Softest,’ and offer to bathe it in their finest oils. In some regions of France, it’s even rumored to cure polio. Polio.

Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t eat, so if you opened a bottle of wine in the next room she’d be pissing in an Urasian urn without wiping with the Mona Lisa not even five minutes later. So here she is calling into Australia’s The Kyle and Jackie O Show after physically consuming a martini which led to her talking about her shaved vagina and making a remarkably subtle dig at Madonna for someone who probably puked on a tiger rug as soon as she hung up. Via E! News:

On how she really hated this year’s MET Gala in case she hasn’t said that enough:
“Like you always think, ‘Oh my god. This is going to be so glamorous and amazing and you’re going to see all these people.’ And then you’re there, and it’s so hot. It’s so crowded. Everyone’s pushing you. This year it was really intense. It wasn’t fun. … Kanye West was playing and he was furious and he threw his microphone down. It was all drama!”

I’m pretty sure this was aimed right at Madonna:
“I feel like we’re all a bit old to be trying to dress punk.”

On shaving her 70s bush for her ridiculous dress at the Iron Man 3 premiere:
“I said, ‘No, I got a big ’70s bush.’ Which I was kidding. … But then it was all a disaster and now I look like an 8-year-old girl, basically.”

In related news, Chris Hansen just called and said this is his crime scene now and something about hauling Chris Martin in. He kept talking like Batman, so I only caught bits and piece- shit, he saw the Kendall pics. CHEESE IT!

Photo: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Oooo.. you did it now, girl! Anna Wintour is going to hold you to this. At the next Oscars you’re going to be dressed by House of K-Mart.

  2. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Commented on this photo:

    Dat… no.

  3. Poor Madonna. You took Gwyneth under your wing and taught her all about pretentiousness and fake British accents and this is how she repays you.

  4. gee I wish GP would go away

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Commented on this photo:

    Edgar Winter looks fucking terrible

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Jon Stewart
    Commented on this photo:

    Even with all her money and multiple plastic surgeries this is the best she can look. Sad.

  7. ThisWillHurt

    Kanye West had a hissy-fit? That doesn’t sound like the Yeesy I’ve come to know and lo-WAHAHAHAHA! Oh my, couldn’t get through it again! I’m getting good, though.

  8. Chinto

    Every time I look at her, I feel like Roddy Piper in “They Live”. Only I can still see her true form even without the glasses on.

  9. YTBOY

    I love white women with shaved vaginas!

  10. unreasoning anxiety

    The most beautiful woman in the world ???
    Man, somebody needs better glasses !!

  11. It appears I am very much in the minority, but I would consider a night with her shaved twat to be the bee’s knees.

  12. Holy Cow!!! Maybe if we stay tuned to GOOP’s upcoming interviews we can hear about her bowel movements!

  13. When they showed Hannibal Lechter hosting dinner last week with all of his pretentious friends and serving them human being without them knowing, I pictured her being one of those people at the table.

    For some reason I believe that even if she were told that it was human she was eating, she would continue to eat.

    • Cher X

      As long as the human was pure-bred and had certificate of authentication stating them as such. Nothing poor, unclean or worse yet *common* could pass her lips.

    • Only if the human were free-range – and served underdone, so that all those probiotic enzymes aren’t destroyed by any silly old government-mandated heat process.

  14. I do so love to hear about Gwyneth’s vagina. I think about it all the time, I might as well get my spank bank material straight from the horse’s mouth.

  15. Martin Beck

    well I didn’t read it or see the interview , but we must evolve in our knowledge of things . And if a woman as famous as paltrow wants to talk about her vagina I’m sure it must project an image in ones mind of Gwyneth naked and surely that’s a gift .

  16. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she still an A List movie star? Would the Iron Man movies have made one penny less if she wasn’t in them?

  17. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Irregardless of my supposably high renumeration, I can say in good conscious that people misunderstimate by contribution to GOOP!”

  18. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder who got to keep the black friends in the divorce?

  19. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Commented on this photo:

    oh look at her hair, it’s really bad, like someone who pukes her face off daily, many times, bulimic

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Butt Tight Pants Apple Store
    Commented on this photo:

    she has typical bulimics knuckles, maybe not so evident in this photo, they tend to be permanently swollen and protruding, even if there are no teethmarks, and no – it’s not because that is how she looks or she is so skinny, no it is swollen knuckes from four fingers in throat and knuckles getting grinded by the teeth all the time

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