Gwyneth Paltrow’s Dinner Parties Sound Fabulous!

April 21st, 2011 // 121 Comments

To promote her new cookbook “My Father’s Daughter,” Gwyneth Paltrow threw a lavish dinner party which included such guests as Michael Stipe, Jessica Seinfeld, Martha Stewart and Rupert Murdoch’s wife. Below is an excerpt from The New Yorker (Of course.) that reads almost exactly how you’d picture a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party complete with an anecdote of Chris Martin sulking like a little bitch:

Mario Batali, in pink cargo shorts, was talking to Ruth Reichl. “She eats like a truck driver,” he said of Paltrow. He recalled being in Valencia, Spain, and “watching her eat an entire pan of paella as big as a manhole cover.”
Michael Stipe added, “Once, a duck she was cooking caught fire, and she threw it in the pool.”
… Christy Turlington looked on. “We are lucky in that we have been the recipients of many meals with Gwyneth Paltrow,” she said, and mentioned a stuffed-lobster dish that Paltrow and Martin had served in Amagansett. “They do everything themselves, including the killing of the lobster,” she said. “It’s not the boiling-in-the-pot-and-screaming lobster thing. It’s a different, faster approach. I could never do it.”
“You smack it against a tree or something?” Batali asked.
“You stick a knife through the head,” said Turlington, who seemed suddenly troubled. “Oh! That’s awful to say.”
… At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z. (The next day, she and the rapper posted reciprocal interviews on their Web sites. Paltrow: “I could sing to you every single word of N.W.A’s ‘Fuck tha Police.’”) Paltrow announced the menu: roasted red peppers with anchovies, escarole salad, pasta with duck ragout.

For those of you whose limited tolerance of pretentiousness forced them to bail after reading about eating paella in Valencia, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t believe in tossing lobsters in a pan of boiling water because it’s inhumane, so she stabs them in the head first. Because that makes it all better.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, you can’t eat dolphin!
GWYNETH: Don’t worry, I’ll stab it in the head.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, you can’t eat albino tiger!
GWYNETH: Relax. I put a knife in its brain.

FRIEND: Gwyneth, children don’t go in pot pies!
GWYNETH: Stab, stab!

Photos: Splash News, WENN


  1. Gwyneth Paltrow Dinner Party
    Joe Mahma
    Commented on this photo:

    Man, I’d like to apply a nice glaze to her backside.

  2. Doc Schweinstrudel

    She is disgusting. Really. I haven’t even read that long text that fish wrote the headline and her head line made me want to throw up.
    Isn’t she a bit too old for daddy’s girl complex?
    Who in the world would watch this show???

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Dinner Party
    the central scrutinizer
    Commented on this photo:

    …and if you think paella is a fish, you need to read more. Unless, of course, your comment was speaking to Fishsticks Paltrow, in which case I humbly apologize.

  4. tmnm

    She eats at home, she said. That day: “a cappuccino, some poached eggs with spinach, an apple, almonds, some cheese and bread, and a turkey sandwich with avocado and tomato.” She said, “People who don’t know me think that I only eat seaweed and rice balls.”

    Paltrow greeted people by the door, holding a glass of cucumber water.

    A financier at the party said that he associated Paltrow with scungilli: “My family and I were conch-diving down in the Bahamas. They’d cook the conch right there on the beach. And they had a TV in the little hut there, and that’s where I watched the Oscars this year.”

    Wendi Murdoch, sitting nearby, had said that she is a reader of Paltrow’s blog: “Only one thing comes to mind—healthy and organic.” She listed her favorite recipes: “Pumpkin soup, grilled market vegetables. It’s good. I get my chef to cook it.”

  5. Don't Forget

    She is a gorgeously stunning woman to whom I would sell my soul to the devil to have one night banging the bejesus out of. But, she is a self-important cunt.

  6. yowillie


  7. Arlene

    Paltrow had a face lift. Am I the only one that can see that?

  8. Donald Trump

    What a sickening, self-important cunt! She’s no Martha Stewart and she never will be.

    And she has a terrible horse-face. Who can eat dinner with that maul looking at you.

  9. Donald Trump

    I had Gwenneth over for dinner once. She bent over to pick up her champagne flute and let out a horrible fart. She walked away as if nothing happened.

    Gwenneth – we all heard you pass gass. Get some class.

  10. Jim Jones

    How is stabbing them in the head less humane than boiling them alive?

  11. Jersey Torch

    She brings it on herself. “Antony, Antony”

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