Gwyneth Paltrow Eats The Oreos, Like A Poor
You might think Gwyneth Paltrow’s diet consists of nothing but blue algae drizzled over svelt kangroo feces in quinoa, which it does. But she also buys her kids Oreo just like all you other working moms out there with the time and money to visit an infrared sauna (?) for, like, the best detox ever. Plus, ladies, she’s all about that wine and cheese. Hymen-strained or not. GOOP gets CRAY-ZEE, y’all. Via PEOPLE:
“I think there’s a lot of misinformation about what I actually eat,” she said, adding that while she keeps her kitchen stocked with organic snacks for her kids, Oreos have also found refuge. “I really don’t have any rules.”
Paltrow goes on to say that making healthy choices has been her goal since her father was diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago — but that doesn’t mean her preference for balanced, whole foods always trumps cheat meals.
“For me the big things are really processed food and foods that have tons of chemicals and pesticides,” she says. “I try to stay away from that, but I love French fries and cheese and martinis and all that kind of thing.”
Now, if you’re thinking to yourself, why does all of this sound familiar? That’s because Gwyneth Paltrow said almost exactly the same shit three years ago while trying to convince everyone her children Alfalfa and Mortgage are perfectly normal:
“I don’t know where they get some of this stuff!” Paltrow continues. “They say I don’t give my kids carbs, and I’m feeding them seaweed… I have no idea. But they eat Oreos, too, and they’re normal kids.”
Either two things are happening here: 1. Nabisco is paying Gwyneth Paltrow to promote Oreos, so granola idiots go, “Well, if it’s good enough for Gwyneth Paltrow’s steamed vagina, I guess it’s good enough for us to sniff once every lunar cycle.” Or 2. It’s the other way around, and she’s engaged in an active campaign to wipe Oreos off the face of the earth.
“Hey, did you know Gwyneth Paltrow buys these for her kids?”
“Well, we love ours, so let’s burn the whole shelf down. Burn it right here in the store. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, KIDS!”