Gwyneth Paltrow’s in a Bikini Again

July 10th, 2011 // 123 Comments

“Uncle Steven approved these condiments? Oh, no no no no no no… Moses! Fetch mother her decanter of hand-wrung, free range catsup. Spit spot!”

Gwyneth Paltrow spent the weekend in Porto Cervo, Italy with her children and godfather Steven Spielberg while Chris Martin was of course nowhere to be found because, let’s be realistic, he’s a hologram. Surprisingly awesome ass or not – God, I hate you, Richie Tenenbaum – no one could stay married to a woman who repeatedly says shit like this, “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can,” without gunning himself and everyone around her down and calling it a mercy killing. “Father, she’s speaking in a British accent again. And about capers! Make me an angel.”

Photos: Fame

superficial

  1. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    STEVEN: “It’ll be a blast. We’ll have a security detail, lifeguards, fruity ice pops, a guy grilling burgers for us, and I’ll be taking video of everything. Bring the kids!”

    GWYNETH: “All-NATURAL fruit pops?”

    STEVEN: “That can be arranged.”

    GWYNETH: “Yay!!”

  2. I’d like to smoke that crack, by putting my cheese in her can.

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she might be able to join in on the Katie Holmes – Kelly Ripa bellybutton schnooding fiesta.

  4. Sheppy

    Frankly, I’d rather smoke crack than each cheese from a can.
    BLLLLLUURRRRGH!

    Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_cheese
    Well done guys, keep up the great work :/

  5. Pat C.

    Cheese comes in cans ? learn something every day.

    Also I’ve known people that I’m pretty sure would rather smoke crack than eat cheese in a can; in fact they’d rather smoke crack than do anything else, period.

    • vitobonespur

      I can see where that might be a hard decision to make, but with crack being illegal I’d say +1 for cheese. Besides, crack is really hard to spread on a cracker.

  6. Cardinal Ximenez

    Sweet Baby Ray’s… glad someone else noticed it too. Hopefully it was the spicy one. Oh yeah, and there’s some chick in the photo too… yeah, I’m talkin about Chalula.

  7. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Amir
    Commented on this photo:

    The little boy has a look on his face that says “Mommy please put on some clothes”…

  8. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Curious Troll
    Commented on this photo:

    This can’t be her because her ass is made of everything perfect and supple on this Earth. Just ask her and the Huffington Post who sucks her vagina every day.

  9. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    albert
    Commented on this photo:

    I never found her attractive, she seems like a haughty bore.

  10. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Deryn
    Commented on this photo:

    This is where Chris Martin gets worried.

  11. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Deryn
    Commented on this photo:

    I taste preservatives! [fling]

  12. KOOL GUY

    ::MY DREAM HAS JUS CAME THROUGH HAPPY SUMMER CHEERS TO MS !!GWENTH PATRON!”

  13. Venom

    I would like to make her ass the apple of my eye.

  14. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    zebop
    Commented on this photo:

    Umm….pancake ass.

    I’d hit it. With a bottle of syrup.

  15. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    zebop
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm….Gwenny got an N/A.

    Nice ass? Nope. Negative Ass.

    I’d hit it. And miss.

  16. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Weights Chick
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what happens when you don’t lift weights and instead fall for some stupid gimmicky workout routine made up of rubber bands and cardio. She’s definitely, “skinny fat.”

  17. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Weights Chick
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what happens when you don’t lift weights and instead fall for some stupid gimmicky workout routine made up of rubber bands and all cardio. She’s definitely, “skinny fat.” That belly is protruding like she’s pregnant again. How is Tracy Anderson getting away with this fad workout of hers??

  18. With an ass like that, she must poop diamonds.

  19. KOOLGUY

    ;;;MY EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORRY”"!:MS GWENTHY

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Giggity
    Commented on this photo:

    You could pick up a pencil with that thing.

  21. Ving

    What I find so itnreestnig is you could never find this anywhere else.

  22. erxxkk

    Mvzrzo dujzmwkderaj

  23. Azia

    Why does this have to be the ONLY rieblale source? Oh well, gj!

  24. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Sheik Yerbouti
    Commented on this photo:

    SpongeKate SquareSkirt

  25. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Coincidentally, her next cookbook is titled “My Father’s Body”.

  26. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    I am all but certain that we’ve got us just a hint of a cameltoe here…
    (must be careful…mentioning a cameltoe and Gwyneth Paltrow in the same breath is a federal offense…)

  27. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Calm down haters – that ass is still do-able.

  28. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘I will not eat this, it is unclean.’

  29. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Butthole Lover
    Commented on this photo:

    STank Ass.

  30. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    is it me or is there a blonde body hair sheen on her torso?

  31. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Martina
    Commented on this photo:

    …. more like, this is what happens when you decide to get in shape and flaunt your 40 year old ass because your deadbeat husband can’t get it up for you … Come on, how many of you guys wouldn’t do that ass?

  32. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Party Wonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Ummm…. I really wish that everyone else looked like that. What world do you live in?

  33. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Party Wonky
    Commented on this photo:

    May my wife look 1/2 that good when she’s 40. Dear god we should all be so lucky.

  34. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks better with designer clothes on and sky high heels.

  35. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Kid: “I came out of THERE??? OMGZ!”

  36. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    Throw up!

  37. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Don Juan
    Commented on this photo:

    She is one of the finest woman I have seen in my life. I would love to take her out for dinner and get to know her

  38. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s still doable on so many levels..

  39. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve done much worse, so yes, I would definitely fuck her.

  40. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    Dunno why he is bothering…. He is just going to end up CGing her anyways.

  41. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    GooP: Extremis

  42. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Mommy why does your ass look like chewed bubble gum ?

  43. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Gwyneth should hire Kate Hudson to be her butt-double in real life.

  44. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    mmmmHmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuckin SWEET BABY RAY’S!!!!

  45. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    LET THEM EAT CAKE!

  46. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she may have swamp ass

  47. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    I gotta take a shit and all i see are porta-pottys

  48. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Theres a dick coming out of her belly…

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