Gwyneth Paltrow Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini, Nominates Chris Martin

August 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Ice Challenge

With the exception of Katy Perry, and probably a few others I’m too lazy to Google, most celebrities recognize this is for charity and have been keeping their Ice Bucket Challenges relatively tame which is probably why I hate them so much. Except here’s Gwyneth Paltrow doing hers in a bikini because she has the ass of a 22-year-old stripper, you guys. What is she supposed to do? Wear pants? On top of that, she nominated Chris Martin because their conscious uncoupling is such a super friendly and chill separation unlike, eww, divorce, that she’s totally at peace with him nailing Jennifer Lawrence in a vineyard as we speak. And she’ll be even more at peace as soon he dumps a bucket of ice water on his dick. Chop chop. People are dying.

And here’s Katy Perry’s in slow-motion because I am your God now:

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  1. Well spank my ass and call me Mary (seriously, someone do that), Gwyneth Paltrow actually understood that the purpose of the challenge is to DONATE MONEY, not simply dump ice water on yourself.

    She missed the point that if you donate you dont’ have to douse yourself with ice water, but whatever…this is the best of both worlds.

  2. The ice was frozen sweat from hard working regular moms who have it so easy compared to Gwyneth.

  3. I’m confused. I know Gwyneth is an uptight, bourgeois poser, but I find her so adorable. Maybe I’m seeing Pepper Potts instead of Gwyneth.

    That Katy Perry video is fucking fantastic.

  4. Jimbo

    Thanks Fish Dude, It is almost lunch time here on the west coast. I think I will be passing on it now after seeing the ice queen in a bikini. I now have to go pull my wiener from hiding in my butt

  5. Pffft… frigid as she is, that was like a warm bath to her.

  6. That sure as fuck better have been Evian with sliced cucumbers and cubes of ice hand selected from high in the Himalayas.

  7. JC

    Fun fact: The audio in the slow-mo version of Katy Perry’s vid is exactly what she sounds like without AutoTune.

  8. Bullshit to this. Artisan ice adapts to your body’s temperature on impact.

  9. Rico Jones

    Her bucket didn’t have any ice in it. The water was probably warm as could be. Katy Perry on the other hand had a shit load of ice in her buckets.

  10. Short Round

    Paltrow should know what happens when she comes in contact with water. Maybe that’s why she ran toward West.

  11. There was no ice in that bucket because it’s already in her veins.

  12. Miley Cyrusis aslut

    I’m willing to bet the cold-ass, ice princess never really felt the freezing cold water, that is the same temperature as her body.

  13. nah mean?

    *conscious uncoupling

  14. JimBB

    She would have done it sooner, but it takes a long time for the Sherpa team to journey to and from the most remote arctic frozen lake on earth with golden pots of pure ancient frozen spring water.

  15. Voice of Reisling

    Most boring bikini ever.

  16. Notice how she didn’t respond right away to the ice old water? She’s such a frigid person it felt like warm bath water and needed to squeal and run to make it look real.

  17. What an unimpressive body for a woman some call a sex symbol. Flat as she can be with a waist that goes straight from the hips to the ribs. Nothing about her is appealing.

  18. So…the guy who started the ice bucket challenge died in a drowning accident.

    Sounds like a bad joke. not a joke.

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