Gwyneth & Beyonce Are Going On A Yoga Retreat

June 11th, 2014 // 35 Comments
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One of them got made fun of on the Internet, and one of them witnessed the whole world seeing her sister go bananaballs on her husband who may or may not have bean cheating with a hostess, so clearly Gwyneth Paltrow and Beyonce are going through the exact same level of shit. Their fates are entwined. Fortunately, one of them is way more super generous than the other and booked them both on a rejuvenating voyage of the soul. It’s just how she is. The Daily Mail reports:

They are both seemingly in need of some R&R after their recent personal dramas, so it’s no surprise that Gwyneth Paltrow and Beyonce are reportedly going on a four-day retreat together.
The actress will help her A-list pal, 32, unwind with yoga classes and hikes before the Drunk in Love hitmaker begins her gruelling On the Run tour with husband Jay Z later this month.
The 41-year-old is believed to have checked the pair into an exclusive complex in California’s central coast, where they are expected to meditate, go on long walks and sample local wine.

During the all-exclusive weekend, Beyonce will get to experience such spirit-awakening exercises as “Take my bags upstairs,”; “Bring the car around front,”; “No, no, your kind eats in the cellar.”; and “This froth isn’t almond milk. I’ll sell you for a half-pence to the nearest pauper!” She’ll be a whole new woman.

Photos: Getty / FameFlynet


  1. God, if you want to convince me that You exist, here’s your chance: terrorist attack!

    Come on, time to break out some of that Old Testament wrath and vengeance, dude. You used to wipe out entire civilisations…this is just two extremely annoying rich women.

  2. brick

    How about a yogurt treat instead; courtesy of me?

  3. Can’t stand either of these women but I would like to watch them in a lesbian porn.

  4. CK

    A lesser-known fact about women in yoga classes: there’s a tremendous amount of gas that’s passed (in a quiet, echoing room). So that explains why there’s absolutely no way Beyonce invited Kim K.

    That and I’m sure she hates her f’in guts.

  5. anonymous

    Well black Bonnie n Clyde are over.

    There’s only one reason why a married woman goes to anywhere with a recently divorced one: strategic planning. Wouldn’t be surprised if Beyonce’s future divorce lawyer is at the retreat too.

  6. I hope Dhalsim is teaching the class. Yoga flame!

  7. If any of you are also stressed out but can’t afford tony N. California yoga retreats, you’re welcome to come over to my place for the weekend, where you can also “meditate” (there’s no TV in the basement, which is where you’re sleeping), “go on long walks” (you think I’m lending you *my* car?), and “sample the local wine” (okay then, apple cider that accidentally fermented).

  8. “…believed to have checked the pair into an exclusive complex in California’s central coast, where they are expected to meditate, go on long walks and sample local wine.
    Fuck the meditation and yoga bullshit. Plus I don’t drink anymore (because I couldn’t drink any less). Otherwise this sounds like a blast.

  9. I love how The Daily Mail leaves it to us to figure out which one is “the actress” and which one is the “A-list pal.”

  10. seosaid

    NO they are NOT going through the exact same level of shit. Bey is liked every where, women respect her… Snobby Gwyneth not so much!

  11. Shirl

    It kinda freaks me out that they have the exact same hair.

  12. “Central Coast” means 1.5 hours north of LA in my hippie new age celebrity filled home town of Ojai. I’ll report back my riveting sightings.

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