Gwyneth Paltrow Pays Actual Money To Get Stung By Bees

“Be honest. Does this sweater make me look poor?”

Back in February, I made the mistake of claiming we’ve achieved peak GOOP after Gwyneth Paltrow posted a bottle of quinoa whiskey to Instagram because here she is telling The New York Times how she literally pays someone cash money to be stung by bees to rejuvenate her skin or some shit.

But generally, I’m open to anything. I’ve been stung by bees. It’s a thousands of years old treatment called apitherapy. People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring. It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful. I haven’t done cryotherapy yet, but I do want to try that.

I don’t know about you, but when I see a bee, I run screaming into my house and comfort myself with news reports of them dying at an alarming rate until it’s winter and safe to go out again. Gwyneth Paltrow, on the other hand, apparently watches the end of My Girl and goes, “Yup, that stuff. Doing that stuff to my face,” and then throws gold coins at the first person who’ll make that happen. Which I’d honestly do for free, but I’m not a small Indonesian boy who can climb down a tree with a beehive in his mouth, so there goes that dream. Stupid white skin ruining everything…

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