The Vanity Fair Article Gwyneth Paltrow Tried To Stop Is About Her Having An Affair

October 18th, 2013 // 33 Comments
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Back in September, the New York Times reported that Gwyneth Paltrow wrote an email to friends in May asking them not to comment to Vanity Fair on a piece they were writing about her, and then absolutely nobody spoke of it ever again, or knew what the hell that shit was about. Except earlier this week, Graydon Carter told E! News that the article is still happening because Gwyneth forced his hand, but didn’t mention what got her organic paella in a bunch because it’s an affair. Vanity Fair is accusing Gwyneth Paltrow of having an affair. Page Six reports:

Now we’re told that researchers on the story by top VF writer Vanessa Grigoriadis have been asking Miami society sources questions about Paltrow and [Jeff] Soffer, who is considered Miami royalty, owns the lavish Fontainebleau Hotel and recently married Elle Macpherson.
One said, “Vanity Fair is asking if Gwyneth had an affair with Jeff back in 2008 when he reopened the Fontainebleau. He flew her in for the party, and she stayed at his house.” Paltrow has been married to Coldplay rocker Chris Martin since 2003. They have two kids, Moses and Apple.
Paltrow — who wore a revealing little white dress to the resort’s reopening — sparked speculation about her relationship with Soffer after she attended a Victoria’s Secret party there and “remained closed off in a private section with Soffer,” The Post reported at the time.
Soffer reportedly gave Paltrow a private tour of the hotel, whisking her away in his Bentley, and the following day, she joined him on his yacht with Kate Hudson.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s reps are already denying the affair again, it was rumored back in 2008, but what they probably should do is tell their client to stop saying shit like cheating is forgivable. Of course, she’s more than likely talking about Chris Martin every time he’s on tour, but it doesn’t help her score a hand-painted free range gazelle deboner if he knows she’s cheating, too. It’s called leverage, peons.

Photos: Getty


  1. Inner Retard

    What?! A pretentious, preachy, condescending cunt having an affair?! Who would have guessed? Too bad it wasn’t the maid.

  2. BREAKING NEWS: The rich and famous run around fucking each other. FILM AT 11

  3. I thought the big secret news VF was going to break is that one time 2009 Gwyennie drank tap water from a plastic cup.

  4. Convex

    Soffer definitely traded up big time when he stopped porking Paltrow and married Elle Macpherson. Can’t stand Ms. Goop; someone needs to pull that stick out of her ass.

  5. Gary Grant

    So she was getting someone else’s GOOP?

  6. EricLR

    Please tell me that when she fucked him it was on sheets with at least a 1,500 thread count! I just couldn’t look at her the same way again if it was on cheap commoner sheets.

    • You know sackcloth and cheeto crumbs are the only things that actually get her hard.

    • You know…ages ago I stayed at the Westin Diplomat and, make a long story short, I found myself in an upgraded corner suite overlooking the ocean and a certain lady to play naked hokey pokey with.

      Those 1500 count sheets are worth every dime. I seriously have never fucked on a better surface.

  7. I was going to ask, What’s so hard about just fucking the pool boy, but then I remembered that pool boys mostly don’t have Bentleys, and that to the trained nose their skin gives off the faint but distinct odor of high fructose corn syrup.

  8. It’s the truest example of self-important celebrity hubris to think not only that anyone cares if she had an affair, but that it’s going to be scandalous if we find out.

    To sum up, I don’t give a shit.

  9. She bangs other people, he bangs other people, no one cares. I am sure they both know about each others affairs or have some arrangement. The funny thing is the real guy she is probably banging is Mario Batali. Everyone assumes that because he is fat she would not do him, but as we all know, women don’t think like men.

    She can openly spend a lot of time with Batali, travel the world with him and no one is the wiser.

  10. Hey Fella, Are You George Zimmerman?

    Yes, but did the copulation take place on thousand thread count indian cotton sheets with gold inlay. As we all know, Gwynn can’t simply lay in a common bed sheet after a nice, runny Cincinnati Steamer.

  11. catapostrophe

    “had wrote”?

    “and then absolutely nobody spoke it”?

    • Wondered about that myself. Figured Fish was just having a bad day. Or maybe the janitorial staff posted the story as a prank.

      • cc

        Maybe he needs new glasses like me. Sounds dumb but it does lead to that sort of thing…or at least that’s what I’m finding.

        Or maybe a quadrant of his brain keeps shorting out thinking of that pic of Swanepoel in a bikini and heels bending over with her legs straight…*zzzzzzzzzzzzt*…aw, fuck their goes that qaudrant again!

  12. ace11

    Martin should take her for a bundle

    and take those kids far away from her

  13. Dox

    Pretty sure we can rule out an affair.
    An affair would require some ability to connect with another human being emotionally. As has been repeatedly reported about the fembot in question, she has neither emotions nor empathy….

    Nor apparently, the ability to digest a hamburger, which would lead me to believe she’s more alien than human.

    Damn hybrids.

    • Nahhhh…she’d just lie there with her lower extremities spread while she communicated with the Mother Ship via telepathic powers. Meanwhile, utilizing an innate technique, her ersatz vocal box was automatically set to emit mid-frequency sounds from her oral orifice that sounded something like, “Unh, unh, unh…oh yes, yes, yes!…unh, unh, omigawd…omigawd…!” Damn hybrids, indeed!

  14. Isn’t that the hotel Nanny Fine stays in?

  15. Gandalf

    One twat to rule them all.

  16. So Goop has a freaky side? Makes me like her even more.

  17. Jenn

    You’d think her head being all the way up her ass to her shoulders would be counterproductive to any sexual activity. Hell I’m surprised she could even have kids.

  18. She keeps a dictatorial control over everything that her children eat and watch on television claiming she only does this for their own good. Not surprisingly her priorities are all F’d up. She appears clueless as to how psychologically damaging her crotch grinding with a billionaire will be to her children for the rest of their lives.

  19. cc

    I was hoping, naturally, that it was in an outhouse with whathisface.

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    My brain tells me she is a pretentious uppity anal Bitch but my penis tells me to grudge fuck her until she cries like it was her 1st real orgasm .

  21. Gwyneth Paltrow Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    Now she has something to put on her mantle besides Chris Martin’s balls.

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