“I’ve brought organic gazpacho, terrorism. Prepare to die.”
This story about Lara Lundstrom Clarke being “saved” by Gwyneth Paltrow on 9/11 is gaining a surprising amount of traction this morning which is odd considering once you read it, you realize Gwyneth did absolutely nothing except for almost murder someone with her Mercedes. So, of course, this makes her the real hero of 9/11. (Suck it, first responders.) People reports:
Clarke was rushing to get to work at the Twin Towers in New York City when she jaywalked in order to get to the subway station. As she crossed 7th Avenue, a Mercedes SUV came barreling toward her.
Both Clarke and the car stopped in their tracks, and as the driver waved her across she realized it was Paltrow behind the wheel. The near-collision caused Clarke to miss her train, and by the time she got to work, the first plane had hit the World Trade Center.
… When contacted by The Morton Report, Paltrow’s publicist Stephen Huvane confirmed the accuracy of the incident and added that Paltrow, 38, was “deeply moved” by the story.
And by “deeply moved” I’m going to assume he meant Gwyneth Paltrow threw a hand-painted crystal finger bowl across the room and demanded he kill the story this instant. “How dare they suggest I decelerated my automobile for the poor?! Now how am I supposed to show my face at the Parisian Winery Guild? I’ll be the laughing stock! Cedric, do we still own that Mercedes? I want you to burn it. And if we don’t, buy another one, then burn that one. GOD! Laughing stock.”