Gwyneth Paltrow Is Selling $1700 ‘Hip Hop Clutches’ Now

Up until now, the whitest thing Gwyneth Paltrow has ever done is her whole entire life. Every second of it. But that was before she started selling hip hop clutches on GOOP with the words “Pac” and “Biggie” on one purse, and “Hov” and “Shady” on the other because has she mentioned Beyonce is her best friend? Beyonce is her best friend, you guys. Which totally makes charging $1,695 for this acceptable. Via PEOPLE:

GOOP Hip Hop Clutch Purse

$1,695. And delivered in eight weeks! Only a peasant couldn’t wait that long because food is a scarce item for them and malnutrition travels quickly. Now, if you’ll excuse her, the mere thought of that made Gwyneth orgasm into a $745 squirting spittoon, and she must replenish herself with fresh grubs harvested directly from untouched Mesopotamian soil. She might even be naughty and eat two! She has fun. She has fun.

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Photos: Getty / GOOP