Gwen Stefani, I’d Keep My Bacon Costume On For You: An Open Letter

October 26th, 2008 // 53 Comments

Dear Gwen “Over Easy” Stefani,

I’d keep my bacon costume on for you.
I wouldn’t check out the window for the paparazzi then take my bacon costume off leaving my wife to look like a lowly sunny-side-up while I maintain my rockstar cool image. No way. Not this guy.
With my bacon costume still on (for you), I’d proudly put my arm around you and say “Hey, don’t we sizzle?” Then we’d laugh and tell people “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” A ha ha ha! (Though, in all seriousness, it is.)
So, the next time Gavin Rossdale comes home all ripped and sweaty from working out, and he’s holding a fistful of record label cash then says “Hello” in that British accent of his that causes women to instantly self-lubricate, just remember: That guy on the Internet said he’d keep his bacon costume on for you.

Let’s make love in an English Muffin,

The Superficial Writer

P.S. Just so we’re completely honest up front, there have been other breakfast items before you: Some donuts, a grapefruit and, one time, that guy from the Quaker Oats box. He had a powdered wig on!

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. DICKNIGGER

    FIRST!

  2. Big G

    I’d hit it. with some Pam

  3. second

    second

  4. Ted from LA

    That reminds me of the guy who goes to a psychologist complaining that his wife thinks she’s a chicken. The psychologist tells him to bring her in and that he thinks he can cure her, to which the husband replies, “I would, but I need the eggs.”

  5. Reminds me of a character in a Judy Blume book..

  6. ladylove

    what a loser! peering out the window…

  7. She is not an egg. She is the target at the circle jerk..

  8. rawr

    HAHAHAHA… this is the funniest the superficial writer has been in a long time…i’ve really missed this kind of humor lately.

  9. Hey Jimbo, good morning!! How was your weekend?

  10. BIGsteamyONE

    I would soooooooo like to slide her a pork sausage to make it a complete breakfast.

  11. Lulu

    Self-lubricate… ugh.. haha

  12. #7-Jimbo that’d be true only if she was wearing a picture of my daughter’s face with her mouth open and tongue out.

  13. LNAHO

    I’ll explore your nooks and crannies of love…

  14. I heard jimbo was panhandling to make ends meet over the weekend…course theres nothing wrong with that….i always knew jimbo had character….

  15. CableMonkey

    She is not “Over Easy”, she is Sunny Side Up.

  16. Heath Ledger

    Personally I prefer Hiney Side Up.

  17. Wow, must be something, to seat back and relax and have your wife be the bread winner…

  18. your best friends girlfriend

    #18 to ‘seat’ back?
    Rough Daddy. Fail again..

    #12. You are seriously one sick mother fucker. Fish….. take that off here. It’s WAY beyond crossing the line..

  19. Fish

    @19:

    (_o_)

    give it a big smooch

  20. Willis from Diff'rent Strokes

    I don’t see how someone with so blatantly little talent is so famous. Just goes to show how pathetic the younger generation is today, they’d follow the Nazi party if MTV told ‘em they were cool…..

  21. simplicity

    He took off the costume to cover their child from the Photographers.
    Not such a bad guy.

    and I agree
    Please remove #12′s comment.

  22. Thank you 19, some people should die, that’s just unconsious knowledge..

    How is your day going? Did you read my lovely troll comments about that kid that got murdered? I’ve been getting hate mail. Fuckers.

  23. pelps

    she’s hot!! what do ya say? huh?
    but know what? wanna try and date real hot cougars? you may wanna check this out +++ A g e l e s s m a t e. c o m +++ Man, you don’t believe what you might get there!!LOL

  24. Fail at what? who doesnt want that? ill bet #19 is veggi or frist

  25. DISGUSTED Superficial Reader

    Superficial Writers,

    312 is a DISGUSTING COMMENT
    That person should be banned from this Site.

    REMOVE COMMENT #12

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  26. brunette barbie

    Are these Kabbalah costumes or Halloween costumes?

    Please say this is not another celebrity searching for spirituality in another celebrity-worshipping “religion”.

    #12 your identity is easily traceable, which is nice.

  27. #27, if so please give me a name. I’m sick of twisted fucks bringing my daughter into their comments..

  28. I dunno. She looks kinda… fried?

  29. Before people start talking about hitting those eggs, remember they’ve already been tapped for two babies. With the exception of a stripper I took to the limit in Vegas (I lived there for three years, there’s very few young ladies working at Glitter Gulch/Cheetahs/The Library that didn’t claw their nails in my back!) who’d had a kid, but had vaginal reconstructive surgery afterwards … kids are just totally bad news for a good fuck. Even a pants python like mine can feel like its thrusting into a saggy ziplock bag if they’ve popped out a diaperfiller.

  30. Alan

    I was in favor of removing comment #12, until I read comment #26. Now, I want comment #26 removed, and that poster shot.

  31. Yeah, you can remove comment 30 while you’re at it, that guy is a total douche

  32. Narcissus

    Remove comments 1-32 immediately.

  33. chupacabra

    you have to admit, though that peering through the window smacks of a worried teenage boy with pimples hoping his mom doesn’t cramp his style at the mall when he’s staring at girls. But, I digress, you see the baby holster and he’s covering the newborn with the bacon. Greasy delight! :)

  34. Parker

    ahahaha thanks for calling my attention to comment #12. It’s hilarious. Good call #26, I might not have even read it. hahaha that’s so funny. A picture of his daughter. hahahahaha.

    Now, seriously, I would like to put Gwen on an english muffin, pull her panties down, drizzle her butt with Hollandaise sauce and slide my cock into her ass. Then I’d fuck her butt till she crapped herself. Then I’d make her sing that song of hers where it sounds like she’s getting fucked in the ass then I’d fuck her in the ass one last time and go home for some scrambled eggs and toast. I’d invite her but she’d make some excuse like, “Oh, not right now darling, my ass is full of Hollandaise sauce and I have to poop it out then get cleaned up. But maybe lunch.”

  35. Wild One

    How fucking LAME!!!!

    seriously…..

  36. Remove this post please

    I don’t deserve to be here. I even think Frist is vaguely attractive in a “if she’ll buy all the strong liquor and drugs and put a bag over her legs and PLEASE GOD shave those think legs!”

  37. Remove this post please

    I don’t deseve to live.

  38. brunette barbie

    Hey #28 I don’t work at The Fish, but the system administrator has your IP address in the header information of every post you make.

    I am guessing your name is Christopher Paul Neil.

  39. BunnyButt

    This is a costume? But she dresses like this all of the time …

  40. #4 – That was a Three Stooges routine.

    Law-related puns and slanders aimed at lawyers are generously sprinkled throughout the Stooges’ films. When our heroes are hailed into court in Listen Judge,2 the judge dismisses the charges, explaining, “These men can’t be held for vagrancy. They have visible means of support.” Befuddled, Larry asks, “Does he mean our suspenders?” Later, noting Curly’s odd behavior, the judge asks Moe, “What’s the matter with him?” Moe answers, “He thinks he’s a chicken.” When the judge asks, “Why don’t you put him in an institution?,” Larry explains, “We can’t, we need the eggs.”

  41. pelps

    she’s no doubt beautiful; but I gotta say, hot and sensual cougars on +++ Agelessmate.c om +++ are more attractive to me! Man, tell ya what? If you dig hot Milfs, that’s the place!! LOL

  42. marjorie

    who cares about comment 12, Superficial Writer, you are a genius for being so hilarious… lmao at “let’s make love in an English Muffin”

  43. marjorie

    lmfao at 35, u have some imagination.. pervese, but u make me laugh :p

  44. be honest: HOW LOW CAN SHE GO?

  45. LiLo For V-Prez 2008

    I want to see what’s under the egg.

  46. dontlooknow

    Ya know Porker…oops, I mean Parker AKA #35, you are pathetic. Even jerks like you (that would be me) think you’re a frickin’ a-hole. Why not do yourself? Plenty of shops around to get some hollandaise and a strap-on. (hint: you need one).
    Thanks for the potty humor you douche. Now I’m gonna crap in your lunch box.

  47. Parker

    Yes, #48, you don’t have to be a porker to enjoy a good breakfast. All things in moderation is right, my friend. Have some apple or grapes during the week and on Sunday a nice brunch with the eggs Benedict. I do myself almost every week although sometimes I will have an omlette because its no easy to find a good eggs Benedict.

  48. NICE!My friends recommended me a very popular and interesting place “AgelessOnly.COM”. If you’ve ever been there you will know what I mean….

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