Gwen Stefani Can’t Stop Wearing Makeup Or Gavin Rossdale Will Leave Her, Say Voices In Her Head

“Mmm… tastes like foundation.”

Gwen Stefani is the cover interview for Harper’s Bazaar September issue where she talks about her love of constantly wearing makeup, mostly to keep Gavin Rossdale happy lest he finally learn she’s really Doctor Doom underneath. (I’m onto you.) Via Us Weekly:

“I’ve always been a girl who loves to dress up. I already put my makeup on twice today: I put it on to take my kid to school, and then I went home, washed my face, and put it on again to have lunch with you,” she tells the writer.
Stefani even wears makeup at home because “I like to make my husband like me more,” she says of singer/songwriter Gavin Rossdale, 46. “And he likes it when I’m wearing makeup.”

While that all sounds well and healthy, let me tell you about a moment in my life I will never forget. Yesterday, Photo Boy found exclusive photos of Gwen in a bikini that we can’t run (Yet!) [Update: Merry Christmas!], but in them she’s actually not covering herself from the waist down like usual, and Holy Mary Mother Jesus Jehosaphat, it was like staring into the Ark of the Covenant if the Ark of the Covenant is God’s boner-maker. So if Gavin Rossdale wants to throw that away because his wife forgot to slap on ten pounds of rouge, let me just say this to Gwen Stefani: I don’t care if you don’t wear makeup. I’ll take care of the kids, the cooking, cleaning, you name it, I’ll be a goddamn doormat. In return, all I ask is every three to four days you lightly brush that thing against my cheek while “Don’t Speak” plays in the background. You don’t even have to sing it which, understandably, will be hard through the tears. And see? I’m sensitive, too. We’ll have fun.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Splash News