Guy Ritchie returns home to face Madonna, foolishly forgets his hat and whip

June 30th, 2008 // 21 Comments

Amidst reports that his wife Madonna is seeking the counsel of a high-powered divorce lawyer, Guy Ritchie left London and bolted to NYC to woo his bride. If you’re wondering why he’s so blurry outside Madonna’s apartment, Guy’s moving in “Ultra-Fast Mummy Battling Speed.” You know, just to be safe. At any rate, sources for the couple are remaining mum and playing off rumors of a divorce. Including Guy’s mom who said the following to the London Mail on Sunday:

“They are no different to most other couples and we all know that being together can be hard sometimes and marriages are not always a bed of roses.”

Guy Ritchie seems like a decent fellow. I’m sure he’s been hypnotized by Madonna’s head full of snakes, but, c’mon, man, don’t go in there with your tail between your legs. Show some testicular fortitude for Chrissakes. You put Jason Statham on the map! … Wow, did I reach on that one. Okay, forget all that. Get your ass in there and beg. Beg for that crypt pussy. Also, try not to knock over her sarcophagus like you did last time. She was piiiiiisssed.

Photos: Splash News

  1. zegabe


    we love snatch

    whatever pun you prefer is ok

  2. Deacon Jones


    It’s Niko from GTA V !!!!!

  3. Lucia

    He is my favorite. Just saw his personals ID on millionaires personals site “”"”"S e e k i n g R i c h. co m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.

  4. trumper

    What does this have to do with Britney’s butt crack?

  5. We need Bullet Tooth Tony and his Desert Eagle point five O to handle bidness here…

  6. Jen

    I’ll never know what he saw in her, besides the obvious millions. Move on, get a nice settlement, and marry someone with actual talent next time.

  7. surlywench

    How many 50yo’s do you know that look as good as Madonna? It’s sad that people like to make fun of her for looking “old”, despite the fact she’s in incredible shape for her age.

    No one can be stay 25 forever. Get over it. Repect her for at least keeping in great shape.

  8. English Bob

    He only married her coz his mother wanted a caravan…!

  9. I’m not sure a whip and a top hat would work. He’d probably have to borrow hers anyway.

  10. I never really understood any of this….well his name , mostly. If I’d been given a name like “Guy Ritche” I would have changed it long ago, to something a little more masculine…like I dunno, “MAN POWERS” or “MISTER TESTOSTERONE” or something. They could call him Mr. T for short.

    What? Taken already? By who??

  11. i said it...

    he’s hot, i’ll take him if she don’t want him.

  12. And to think… Swept Away was such a cinematic masterpiece…

  13. Barely Stearn

    Given the choice of sleeping with Madonna or having my penis sheared off in a farming accident, I’d be the first eunuch radish farmer.

  14. Smarterthanhelooks

    He may be dumb for marrying Madonna but he’s sure one smart lucky bastard for not having a pre-nup. Homeboy is gonna walk away with millions! I’m off to listen to “Love don’t live here anymore” on my walkman.

  15. Ms. Whiplash

    Happy Canada Day!!! I love that I’m getting paid for staying at home today. Stat days rock!

  16. …………………………….AND THE DILDO IS STILL IN HIS ASS!!!

  17. Kujo

    Uh, actually Guy’s mom made that remark about marriages after denying that her son and Madonna are getting divorced. That was taken completely out of context.

  18. justifiable

    If he’s trying to woo her back, how come he’s not wearing his wedding ring?

  19. dude

    Funny, funny comments Fish Writer. “Crypt pussy”….STILL LAUGHING!

  20. dudelovesyou

    I think dude wants to suck your cock, Mr. Fish.

  21. Sunday

    He is quite a guy!!! He was said to have a personal account on a Luxury online service RICHLOVING.COM for successful and celebs singles with his hot pictures and blog there. Quite a few hot girls and ladies wrote to him. I’ve been there for day, it seems the girls are not hard to hook up.

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