Too subtle? You’re right.
In a new tell-all book written by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, Joe Francis is accused of allegedly being stupid enough to use Paris Hilton‘s vagina of all landfills as his personal coke mule, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Then again, I probably shouldn’t underestimate the convenience of large storage capacity:
Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.“
If this is even remotely true, I’m building a house entirely out of Camel cigarette boxes because apparently those things can withstand the freaking apocalypse. No, really, I’m half-tempted to buy a pack right now just to see if it can deflect bullets. Or maybe just ask the clerk if he’ll let me fire a couple of rounds from behind the counter. “Trust me, citizen, your merchandise will be perfectly safe. (Not counting ricochets.) FIRE IN THE HOLE! *blam blam blam blam*”
Photo: Fame
std | September 8, 2010 at 5:29 pm
only problem is she’s got the herpes. that will totally ruin the drugs.
sean | September 8, 2010 at 10:17 pm
I like to have sex with 12 year old boys just like my priest did with me.
Turd Ferguson | September 8, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Fire in the Hole is for grenades and explosives, dumb fuck.
Captain_Insano | September 8, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Yeah, that matters.
Sonicare cover | September 8, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Or multiple grenades. Lighten up!
Chaos | September 9, 2010 at 4:39 am
your name is Turd…who’s the dumb fuck?
juggnuttz | September 8, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Well i am sure the smell from there would throw off a drug sniffing dog….. hell probably kill its career… poor poor dog….
Richard McBeef, MD-MPH | September 8, 2010 at 5:37 pm
sneaking a small bit of drugs across the ocean by hiding it in your cooter? STOP THE PRESSES.
I taped hash on the backside of ballsack before, who cares.
I think the real story here is that she can’t score blow in Europe and has to bring her own.
McFeely Smackup | September 8, 2010 at 5:47 pm
whose ballsack did you tape it to?
fag.
Randal | September 8, 2010 at 6:09 pm
He means he video-taped hash on the backside of ballsack as seen in “Richard McBeef, MD-MPH licks nuts to get high 3″ which I have not seen but I’ve been told it was very short.
Dr BallTapeer | September 8, 2010 at 6:46 pm
“I taped hash on the backside of ballsack before, who cares.”
was that your job? you taped hash to peoples ball sacks?
once upon a time | September 8, 2010 at 5:51 pm
this woman is so unbelievable classy …. *ironie off*
Mike | September 8, 2010 at 6:23 pm
You forgot to turn off misspelling, dumb ass. (irony)
McFeely Smackup | September 8, 2010 at 5:55 pm
he really should have pitched this story 2 years ago when anyone gave a rats ass about Paris Hilton.
Gallo | September 8, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Allegedly Nico used to do this whilst crossing European borders in the 70′s. I’m not a fan of Hilton, but her cooter can’t possibly be as soul-destroying nasty as Nico’s diseased, smack-destroyed cavern.
McFeely Smackup | September 8, 2010 at 6:24 pm
who the fuck is Nico?
dudeatdudedotdude | September 8, 2010 at 7:16 pm
nico from v/u? god she was gorgeous once, before she met warhol. edie sedgwick too. keep doin that shit paris
Randal | September 8, 2010 at 6:06 pm
I can see how everyone would be confused reading a Paris Hiltion story where she whistles objects up and in between her legs but she probably put the coke in her butt not the hole you think she means. *whistles*
Chaos | September 9, 2010 at 4:42 am
…because putting it ‘in her butt’ is just so much better
Mike | September 8, 2010 at 6:24 pm
She could probably fit a whole carton on that canyon.
herbiefrog | September 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm
hey baby : ))
bitch PLEASE | September 9, 2010 at 10:32 pm
WHAT baby? Her fucking chihuahua Tinkebell?
jdivo | September 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Damnit, I already had ‘What, What In the Butt’ stuck in my head just from reading the title. May you all suffer as I am now… http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/165193
j.noel | September 8, 2010 at 6:40 pm
I call bullshit. A cigarette pack into the snatch? No way. Not even with the crevasse she’s got. No way.
PixelPing | September 8, 2010 at 6:59 pm
You know, there is a reason you hear an echo when you’re speaking near her.
suprgrl | September 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm
the female vagina is an amazing thing you know. women in jail would hide guns and other weapons up there.
why shouldn’t we use it as a hiding place for things. if the vagina fits…..
PixelPing | September 8, 2010 at 6:59 pm
This cunt smuggled drugs in her Paris.
puddleduck | September 8, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I think I’ve seen her cooter more than my own
dude | September 8, 2010 at 8:17 pm
LMAO
Heading to rough management classes | September 8, 2010 at 11:24 pm
You mean similar to a python dislocating its own jaw to accommodate a mail box? Wow, how could you not luv Paris?
Sean | September 8, 2010 at 11:43 pm
You know the great thing about this news story?
From now on, when Paris flies commercial, she is going to get stripped searched. And a body cavity search. Every time. Those assholes at the TSA are going to have to insert their fingers in that diseased snatch.
captain america | September 9, 2010 at 12:28 am
..strange why she was always smiling?
Good one | September 9, 2010 at 1:30 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! She hides it in her cunt!
HER CUNT!
God | September 9, 2010 at 3:03 am
She doesn’t appear to have a cunt-hole.
Where is it ?
Lovemypubichairthick | September 9, 2010 at 8:39 am
Like all the attention whores from the past that’s have faded, so will this parasite in a couple of years. She got the staying power of super roach. But like all the others it just a matter of time.
grobpilot | September 9, 2010 at 10:59 am
At least this story makes a lot more sense than that burrito story….
juaquin ingles | September 9, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Check out the horsejaw on this tramp. Time to go out to pasture, paris.
suprgrl | September 9, 2010 at 2:09 pm
why is this news? people have been smuggling shit up there for decades. Guns even.
Tosh | September 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Drugs just need to be legalized. stop forcing heiresses to smuggle ecstasy up their snatches.
I dont care either way, if i was super rich I would be doing drugs left and right, you better expect it
bitch PLEASE | September 9, 2010 at 10:35 pm
..of course she smuggles it in there. Along with her car, her money, her lawyers and her emergency supply of herpes outbreak medication.