Guess Where Paris Hilton Smuggles Drugs

September 8th, 2010 // 41 Comments
Paris Hilton

Too subtle? You’re right.

In a new tell-all book written by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, Joe Francis is accused of allegedly being stupid enough to use Paris Hilton‘s vagina of all landfills as his personal coke mule, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Then again, I probably shouldn’t underestimate the convenience of large storage capacity:

Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.

If this is even remotely true, I’m building a house entirely out of Camel cigarette boxes because apparently those things can withstand the freaking apocalypse. No, really, I’m half-tempted to buy a pack right now just to see if it can deflect bullets. Or maybe just ask the clerk if he’ll let me fire a couple of rounds from behind the counter. “Trust me, citizen, your merchandise will be perfectly safe. (Not counting ricochets.) FIRE IN THE HOLE! *blam blam blam blam*

Photo: Fame


  1. herbiefrog

    hey baby : ))

  2. Damnit, I already had ‘What, What In the Butt’ stuck in my head just from reading the title. May you all suffer as I am now…

  3. I call bullshit. A cigarette pack into the snatch? No way. Not even with the crevasse she’s got. No way.

    • PixelPing

      You know, there is a reason you hear an echo when you’re speaking near her.

    • suprgrl

      the female vagina is an amazing thing you know. women in jail would hide guns and other weapons up there.
      why shouldn’t we use it as a hiding place for things. if the vagina fits…..

  4. PixelPing

    This cunt smuggled drugs in her Paris.

  5. puddleduck

    I think I’ve seen her cooter more than my own

  6. Heading to rough management classes

    You mean similar to a python dislocating its own jaw to accommodate a mail box? Wow, how could you not luv Paris?

  7. Sean

    You know the great thing about this news story?

    From now on, when Paris flies commercial, she is going to get stripped searched. And a body cavity search. Every time. Those assholes at the TSA are going to have to insert their fingers in that diseased snatch.

  8. captain america

    ..strange why she was always smiling?

  9. Good one

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! She hides it in her cunt!


  10. God

    She doesn’t appear to have a cunt-hole.
    Where is it ?

  11. Lovemypubichairthick

    Like all the attention whores from the past that’s have faded, so will this parasite in a couple of years. She got the staying power of super roach. But like all the others it just a matter of time.

  12. grobpilot

    At least this story makes a lot more sense than that burrito story….

  13. juaquin ingles

    Check out the horsejaw on this tramp. Time to go out to pasture, paris.

  14. suprgrl

    why is this news? people have been smuggling shit up there for decades. Guns even.

  15. Tosh

    Drugs just need to be legalized. stop forcing heiresses to smuggle ecstasy up their snatches.

    I dont care either way, if i was super rich I would be doing drugs left and right, you better expect it

  16. ..of course she smuggles it in there. Along with her car, her money, her lawyers and her emergency supply of herpes outbreak medication.

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