Too subtle? You’re right.
In a new tell-all book written by former Girls Gone Wild cameraman Ryan Simkin, Joe Francis is accused of allegedly being stupid enough to use Paris Hilton‘s vagina of all landfills as his personal coke mule, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Then again, I probably shouldn’t underestimate the convenience of large storage capacity:
Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.“
If this is even remotely true, I’m building a house entirely out of Camel cigarette boxes because apparently those things can withstand the freaking apocalypse. No, really, I’m half-tempted to buy a pack right now just to see if it can deflect bullets. Or maybe just ask the clerk if he’ll let me fire a couple of rounds from behind the counter. “Trust me, citizen, your merchandise will be perfectly safe. (Not counting ricochets.) FIRE IN THE HOLE! *blam blam blam blam*”