GOLDEN GLOBES: The people who weren’t Christina Hendricks’ breasts.

January 18th, 2010 // 68 Comments

And now for a look at celebrities who attended last night Golden Globes but didn’t have stupid huge breasts like Christina Hendricks therefore rendering them dead to me:

Christina Aguilera with her rapidly shrinking chesticles. (Stop. Working. Out.)
Halle Berry whose chest has probably sold 85 billion copies of Swordfish. To me.
January Jones. You still don’t know who this is.
Chloe Sevigny: Sponsored by Swiffer.
Olivia Wilde who kind of phoned this one in. Let’s be honest.
Maggie Gyllenhaal. I’m pretty sure she was only there to shank Reese Witherspoon.
Fergie and her life partner Josh Duhamel. One day your union will be legal!
Sandra Bullock who dared to play a Christian woman who loves football, in America. That’s adversity.
Jon Hamm sporting a beard which will eventually be shaved to an impeccable stubble making me you question your my sexuality. — Wait.
Robert Downey Jr. who fucking owned the place and from now on should give everyone’s acceptance speech. For everything.

Photos: Getty, WENN

  1. ham

    Who keeps designing these ridiculous dresses? And why on earth are these women wearing them?

  2. leanne

    Who is Christina Hendrick?

  3. gen

    Post Diana Agron! I want her to become famous, and she is definitely the most beautiful new, young actress out there.

  4. DJ Sirloin

    She the one with the time bending breasts in the previous post,
    I swear time goes slower when you get close to them and I demand that she allow me to test this theory….

  5. m.

    Christina Hendricks is in Mad Men, was guest star in “Life” and “Firefly”.


    I’m glad Aguilera is starting to class it up a little bit and her boobs are getting back to normal. Those giant implants that looked like they were stretching her skin were gross.

  7. Winston

    It looks like Christina replaced her huge breast implants with smaller ones. These don’t look as freaky.

  8. Kitty Furry

    maggie g with the fake nose…for the loss

  9. ennairam

    what about anna paquin??? you <3 her & she looked so very pretty.

    nice live tweeting, btw. you made the classy trashy, in the best of ways.

  10. gross

    Ew, Josh didn’t wash Fergies baby gravy off his suit properly…

  11. Lauren

    Why is the pic Christina Aguilera and the post about Hendricks?

  12. gen

    ps: I wanna fuck Jon Hamm. This man is so fucking hot that he can make a beard look sexy!?!?! He is so fine and his girlfriend is so lucky.

  13. Richard McBeef

    @11 – Get the dick out of your throat and read the post.

  14. jlylec

    christina aguilera needs some mad props…talk about a train wreck turned ’round…she’s really beautiful now. i would tap that ass.

  15. fuck the globes

    NONE of these stupid bitches had the decency to wear a ribbon for Haiti, nor did your precious Robert Downey. They all FAIL. For fucks sake even Ashton Kutcher wore one, sure he didn’t know what it was and had to have Demi put it on for him (she told him it would make him fly), but it still counts… sort of.

    I can just see this bitches telling their publicist; “but I don’t want to wear a Hawaii pin for that tornado thing that happened, the colors don’t match my dress”

    FUCK Hollywood, pretencious little shits the lot of them, I only tuned in for Gervais and he did’t skewer those A-holes nearly as well as he could have. Shame, they all need a verbal beat down like Fergie needs a full face and body wax before an awards show.
    Now If that enormous breastessed Mad bitch you all love had any compassion she’s take her jumbo jugs to Haiti and feed the starving masses asap, of course with that kind of life giving boob juice Haiti may rise up and take over the world.

    P.S. Without those boobs she’d just be another too fat for Hollywood cow that no one cares about, that face is no prize, but with boobs like that she could almost have Fergie’s face… Almost.

  16. jlylec

    halle berry’s OK still but getting old. terrible haircut too. looks like an older used-to-be-crazy-hot chick trying to look like a little boy.

  17. missywissy

    christina a. looks refreshingly beautiful.

  18. testington

    11 the post below it was about Hendricks and her awesome boobs, this post is about things from the Globes that aren’t as good as Hendricks

  19. Mister Mister

    A veritable parade of pleasing T&A … with a couple of dudes with facial hair thrown in at the end.

  20. milandir

    #6 they weren’t implants, she was nursing.

  21. jlylec

    chloe sevigny = dumb and not hot
    olivia wilde = mad sexy. where’s this broad come from?
    maggie gyllenhaal = eh…not great.
    sandra bullock = MILFy sexy…she’d still get it.
    fergie = go away

    that’s all.

  22. Taz

    Christina is so fine

  23. lovespringgreen

    Wow, Christina is beautiful. Love her haircut.

  24. Jeff

    To the loser posting about Haiti…Just because someone doesn’t support your cause you get to rant about them? dude why should they support it or pump money into it? it’s a fucking country who has been in a gorilla war for decades. they don’t care enough about themselves why should the rest of the word?

  25. Mark Lavarre

    I’m glad Aguilera got rid of those ridiculously large implants, she didn’t need them anyway because she already has that gorgeous blonde hair, “little girl f me” face, great hips, perfect legs, and perfect feet.

  26. Aerialgreen

    @fuck the globes: loving the name, hee. Now, about those ribbons, you know there was more than one pretentious celebrity wearing it just to add to their attention needs… also, George Clooney was pandering a telethon he organized to help the Haitians this week but wasn’t wearing any ribbons, nor his beard, er, date.

    If this trainwreck, watched in hundreds of countries, had at least an on-screen phone number(s) permanently for donations to help Haiti, it would’ve more productive. Then again, bitches would be nagging they don’t want to be bother by it.

  27. Sport

    WTF – Christina looks pretty hot?! I dont ever recall thinking or saying this. Ever.


  29. womans'swoman.

    Did she get smaller implants? I’ve heard that breasts can go up/down 2-3 sizes when/after breast feeding. But not 6!!!

  30. womans'swoman.

    Did she get smaller implants? I’ve heard that breasts can go up/down 2-3 sizes when/after breast feeding. But not 6!!!


    hi from Mexico guys
    Hey Jon Hamm is so Damn gorgeous that every Straight, woman, man, and gay (as me) who came across him; Crave for having sex with Him
    just give a glimpse at Him
    no matter if u’r a macho-amn He’s everyone’s desire
    cos He’s damn fuckin handsome
    ohh ohh my pussy is wet
    ohh ahhh my pussy just can’t take it anymore
    uhhh ahhh ohhhhh ahhhh

  32. Maximus

    amen. christina aguilera was the hottest woman on stage last night.


    #21…if you think her tits were real past the age of 17, you’re wrong. Nursing + implants = disgustingly huge tits. Do your homework before you correct people, dumbass.

  34. Benny

    Halle Berry looks gorgeous. As usual.

  35. Hugh Gentry

    Fergie reminds me too much of Carrot Top to get aroused.

  36. its finally raining

    Christina looks soooo much better without all the makeup! Takes years off

  37. michelle

    i love Christina’s new hair style! she slook good! Halle looks awesome too!

  38. fuck the globes

    #26. Very true and well said. i noticed that about George as well. Very odd, but I’ve always believed the man was a huge phony in every sense and I’m sure the shitty foreign actress he hired to unconvincingly play his girlfriend can attest to that.

    These idiots have to give themselves awards every time they takes a goddamn piss, it’s disgusting. At least if they did something charitable as you suggested it would be slightly less revolting. The Hollywood foreign press that puts on this pile of shit donated a measly 100 grand to Haiti. WTF is that? Even the she demon hell bitch Madonna who knows the horror of death first hand was more giving.

    As far as I’m concerned awards are for people who saves lives and maybe for kids in science fairs, you have to encourage kids (even if what they do is lamer then lame) or they’ll turn out like Lindsay Lohan and that just spells misery for everyone.

    These people are rich as fuck; dripping in diamonds wearing clothes that cost as much as your car or even your house so for the naysayers I say these Hollywood morons can certainly take five seconds between their 5 hour grooming session by a staff of 20 to have one of their child slaves put a damn pin on their hideous overpriced outfit to say “hey I thought of someone other than MEEEEEE today”.

    What I don’t understand is why instead of this Hollywood shitfest we don’t have awards shows for firefighters and police officers who die in the line of duty and such, you know people who get paid modest salaries and who actually contribute in a way that is worthy of a big event and lots of praise. These shit faced brats get enough praise every day of their spoiled little lives and I am definitely sick of seeing them pat themselves on the back every time they muster a fucking accent and play fucking make believe for millions of dollars. I like arts and entertainment as much as the next idiot (same goes for sports and spoiled little athletes), but I am sick of watching these walking train wrecks get treated like royalty and paid the value of 100 hard working people, it’s sick, it’s unhealthy and it has a LOT to do with why the world is so fucked up and anyone who encourages it is part of the problem. Do you really think these people are better than you and deserve more than you, do you actually think they work harder, what is with the sick worship. As I said I tuned in hoping Gervais would rip them a new one, no such luck. Well that ‘s fine no one is ever going to tell these bastards to fuck themselves because people are just used to feeling small I guess.

    I hate celebrities. God (ie: Christina’s tits) forbid they ever thank the public who makes them so sickeningly wealthy. Fuck them and anyone who loves them.

    P.S. For anyone who takes issue with the long stinking verbal shit I needed to get out of my system; tough shit. And yes I concur Christina no longer looks like a $5 hooker, guess she’ll be getting a divorce now that her market value is more than moldy ham sandwich.

  39. Anon

    Christina looks amazing there. It’s a shame her girls have left her but other than being deflated she looks stunning.
    Classiest i’ve ever seen her.

  40. @15

    are you dead ass?

  41. bert

    @24, I think you mean Guerrilla war, not Gorilla war. Unless they’re fighting apes.

  42. Rosie

    # 39 Very well said. Thanks.

  43. christinalover

    the most beautiful of the world: Christina Aguilera !!!!!!
    This woman is pure perfection.

  44. Jess

    I have to say, Christina Aguilera looks better than she ever has. So fresh looking; she almost evokes a Greta Garbo in her sassy yet demure posing. I’m glad she’s given up the skanky hooker look as a form of “expression,” at least for a while.

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  47. moorish

    Why is her skin always orange?

  48. Christina looks gorgeous in all her out fits and hair styles. The other celebs pics are good too. Christina is beautiful and has a perfect figure.

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