GOLDEN GLOBES: How many f-cking people were at this thing?

January 18th, 2010 // 57 Comments

And here’s one last pass through the Golden Globes before I lose my shit and firebomb an orphanage:

Jennifer Aniston does a bang-up job of diffusing those Gerard Butler rumors by showing him her vagina on the red carpet.
Anna Paquin who got robbed for Best Actress despite not being afraid to go full pubic on HBO. There is no God.
Kate Hudson. Because sometimes filmmakers need to remember what box-office poison looks like. It looks like Kate Hudson.
Penelope Cruz should be legally forced to wear a bikini at all times.
Courteney Cox representing her show about large-breasted women who want to bang younger men. I think it’s called “Your Mom Town.”
Sofia Vergara…. I really have no legitimate reason for these. You got me.
Kristen Bell enjoying her last Golden Globes after When in Rome hits. It’s from the director of Daredevil. I rest my case.
Drew Barrymore who gave me five panic attacks during her acceptance speech. You’ve been in the business since you were an embryo! C’mon.

To any other famous people I missed, somehow you’ll survive.

Photos: Getty

  1. Taz

    shes hot for forty

  2. Taz

    I’d do nasty things with her

  3. Duke Theodore

    Love love love love the hair!!! I want my wife’s hair to look like that…

  4. Nameless

    The first pic is a classic psycho pose. LOL You can almost see her pleading for someone not to leave her.

  5. Benny

    Aniston’s looking her best ever. “Forty” no longer means what it used to if you take care of yourself.

  6. ennairam

    what is this full pubic true blood moment you keep talking about? just finished season 2 and i have no idea. anyone? anyone?

  7. Sam Hain

    anus-town… aww yeah…

  8. Mister Mister

    Too much! I’m burned out on these asshole celebrities. But the two Latinas do look yummy.

  9. jlylec

    jennifer anustown – way hot for old broad
    anna paquin – pancake tittied weird tooth
    kate hudson – wish she had some tits
    penelope cruz – apologize for saying ‘eww. gross.’ the other day. will hit it.
    courtney cocks – hottest friend by far…where’d them tits come from?
    sofia vergara – eh
    kristen bell – looks real hot sometimes but is likely a pain in the ass
    drew barrymore – lookin’ old

    write it down.

  10. Zee Brat

    I love that Jennifer Aniston posed for that picture.

  11. spicy

    YES Jennifer Aniston is looking gorgeous and flawless at 40 *because* she is Greek :)))

  12. yaeh looks delicious

  13. honest-abe

    Perfection would be Cristina Hendricks breasts on Jennifer Aniston’s body, then her body on my face!

  14. herbiefrog

    we thought someone looked amazing : ))

    …but then [you would say that ?

    she’s our baby… ))) what did you expect : )

  15. Gerard Butler’s shoes look about two feet long.

  16. Ewwwww

    Anna Paquin really needs to get those yokel teeth fixed… Or wear a bag over her head 24/7 Ewwwwwww!!!

  17. FUGS

    Jennifer Aniston Black again and a fucking a guy who will never respect her or want to marry her, some women never learn, but yeah she is rocking the slit and looking good for 40. B+

    Anna Paquin… not attractive, baring her body doesn’t change that face. D

    Kate Hudson…. My hate runs deep for this woman whose vadge is a fucking revolving door, I pity her son more than words. Life sucks when your Mommy’s a whore and all her whoring ways are being well documented so you can hate yourself even more as an teen/adult. Rant time:
    I just love how this flat chested weird faced skank she used fabric architecture in place of human female boobs yup cuz men just love grabbing a wad of starchy white fabric, it’s way better than full warm supple boobs, it’s like motorboating a giant swan napkin at a fancy restaurant, seriously she looks like she’s wearing a fucking giant folded napkin, oh you fashion designers are so artistic. FUCK that. FAIL. Z-

    Penelope Cruz…. Black again, man u gals are so creative, but I guess the black hides her belly which is her only bodily flaw, the horse face is another story, but unlike many pretty girls she looks way better with a good slab of makeup on. B-

    Courteney Cox ….Black= Lame,. New boobs I see, they look alright. She’s a cougar, but a fairly hot one. B+

    Sofia Vergara…. Didn’t she have huge boobs, wow she is way less hot without the boobs and I always thought she was pretty hot, ah the power of giant jugs never ceases to amaze me. C

    Drew Barrymore… This bitch is as phony as they come, she plays the sweet fun loving pot head that will take it any way you give it, but there’s a reason no one ever married this bitch. No one liked enough to put a ring on it and she had plenty of boyfriends, but no one wanted to buy this cow so something must be up with the milk. Oh wait.. she married Tom Green, but it’s marital law that a marriage to Tom Greene isn’t really a marriage, a Tom Greene wedding is worth less than a gay commitment ceremony in Texas. Plus I can’t like a girl who downsizes her boobs by such a massive margine because she’s too lazy to work out and thinks removing 70% of her melons will make her look skinny, now she’s just a chubby girl with small lame boobs, the worst of both worlds. Oh and the dress is hideous we can see your fat sucking corset chubbo. FAIL and her speech was worse than Fran Dresher singing with a bunch of dying cats, which is how I hear she spends her time now that she’s fat. Hmmm I guess my hate runs deep for Drew too. Who knew? D-

  18. SH

    Is it just me or is there a small rip in Penelope’s sleeve?

  19. Deeptha

    Member when Fish was funny?
    The real Fish I should say

  20. ritz

    #18. Yup that’s a small rip. These designer overpriced gowns aren’t made any better than the prom gowns that you can find at any clothing store. That’s why I don’t get stupid women who spend a fortune on shoes, bags, clothes etc.. 99% of the time that designer shit isn’t any better than the stuff you can buy at the mall, except that women are dumb enough to pay a fortune for it because of some label. Sad.

  21. havoc

    Damn….I would drink Jennifer Aniston’s bath water…..


  22. dont get mad, get Rough

    Wheres monique?

  23. Tiffany

    Jen’s dres is so hot. Get all of the Golden Globes clothes here

  24. joe blow

    I’ll bet homeboy put his hand down there and it felt like he was feeding a horse a handful of oats.

  25. Fuck you back dude

    Jennifer Aniston really needs to fuck off to Greece already and just marry some hairy swarthy Greek man and be done with it. I am sick at looking her ugly mug in every magazine cover non stop for years now. She has a fit body thought.

  26. @17

    You’re a women judging other women. F-you.

    Men love Kate Hudson…Obviously.

  27. Keely

    You’re missing Julianna Margulies in this…she looked perfect and classy and won last night. She’s a beautiful woman and while she didn’t have her tits hanging out of her dress I would jerk off to her face for days on end

  28. Maybe if Hollywood hired some actual pretty actors, which are not just their relatives then we wouldn’t have to looks at all these plastic surgery afterbirths.

    Once upon a time, Movie Stars used to look better than your average Joe, but not now, they just all look weird and alien like, not pretty at all. And, all we ever see is the same people, over and over, again and again. All of them are terrible actors, and since every other waiter in LA is an actor, you’d think we could at least see some new faces. I’m getting so sick of all of them looking the same……. By the way, no one has ever died from wrinkles!!!!

  29. whats the metter?so dispirited

  30. sarah

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  31. serena

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  32. Jennifer looks beautiful. Lovely captions. She is a very talented actor. The greece thing really works well for her.

  33. kellogg

    things that struck me:

    gerard butler: whoa, spray-tan.
    sofia vergara: is she the new jessica biel?

    drew barrymore’s speech was rumored to be WAY too long but who cares? looks like she has been nominated for a lot of films but never won anything better than people’s choice and MTV awards. so kudos for her. plus she looked pretty healthy and cute.

  34. Jerk off

    Jennifer Aniston – Seeing her face is like watching a rerun of friends. We should leave back in the 90′s where it belongs. Bored. Next —>
    anna paquin – Toot! Toot! Train coming through! Thought the Dress is stunning.
    kate hudson – Conceited Bitch. America’s Sweetheart Poser.
    penelope cruz – Beautiful hair, nice tan, ugly face.
    courtney cox- Cougar. Still pretty but the surgery is becoming too evident for her to be convincing.
    sofia vergara – She is looking old, but still viable.
    kristen bell – Taken out of the “skinny blond with the cute face” lost and found box. NEXT –>
    drew barrymore – Never was pretty, but she is always delightfully quirky and I happen to like her. :P

  35. Jennifer is looking oldy in that dress I mean she is looking like a whore . She is giving expression like she is moron and she is not suppose to do this kind of things.

  36. hah, so funny!

    so dispirited

  37. Morgana

    @17 FUGS.

    Therapy, look into it.

    That is all.

  38. Mama Pinkus

    what’s with the Drew hatred? I think she looks lovely and elegant

  39. temp

    jennifer aniston looks gorgeous. and so does courtney.

    courtney’s surgery doesn’t look super overdone for some reason in these pictures…it looks way more obvious in other pictures. but here, she looks stunning. :)

  40. tc

    Question : Who is the hottest 40 year old woman ever ?

    For me, it is Marilyn Monroe.

  41. #22 I am here!

  42. vdls

    Actually Nicole Kidman is box office poison Kate Hudson’s movies usually do ok. Nicole ruins every movie she’s in and nobody wants to look at her on screen. Do some research.
    And #17 I think you’re right on the money. F the haters.

  43. marie

    1. Drew B
    2. Anna P
    3. Penelope C


  44. Policy33

    The Aniston Award Show Checklist:

    -boring black dress – check
    -fresh blonde dye-job – check
    -spray-on tan – check
    -moustache wax – check
    -more cosmetic surgery tweaks – check
    -vapid and completely uninteresting – always a check.

    Please go away Aniston, you whiny, untalented, completely fake bore.

  45. PsyKo

    I wanna marry kristen bell… and drew barrymore.. oh, and anna paquin… I want me a harem.

  46. saywhat

    How do they wear dresses like that and make expressions and hand gestures like that without it jumping out. Maybe they glue them in nowdays.

  47. Will

    Jennifer Aniston is the hottest celebrity out there, period.

  48. maria

    Look carefully at Jennifer anistons face. She looks different, possibly had her nose redone , she looks different, a little face lift maybe. She looks good.

  49. Jennifer Aniston is so damn hot!!

  50. James

    28 AKA Nit wit tit. Grow up. Acting is not all about looks, being average looking actually helps you get more serious roles. And clearly you know nothing about acting and have not even seen the movies of most of the actors there so why say they are bad actos when you obviously don’t have a clue ?

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