GOLDEN GLOBES: How many f-cking people were at this thing?

And here’s one last pass through the Golden Globes before I lose my shit and firebomb an orphanage:

Jennifer Aniston does a bang-up job of diffusing those Gerard Butler rumors by showing him her vagina on the red carpet.
Anna Paquin who got robbed for Best Actress despite not being afraid to go full pubic on HBO. There is no God.
Kate Hudson. Because sometimes filmmakers need to remember what box-office poison looks like. It looks like Kate Hudson.
Penelope Cruz should be legally forced to wear a bikini at all times.
Courteney Cox representing her show about large-breasted women who want to bang younger men. I think it’s called “Your Mom Town.”
Sofia Vergara…. I really have no legitimate reason for these. You got me.
Kristen Bell enjoying her last Golden Globes after When in Rome hits. It’s from the director of Daredevil. I rest my case.
Drew Barrymore who gave me five panic attacks during her acceptance speech. You’ve been in the business since you were an embryo! C’mon.

To any other famous people I missed, somehow you’ll survive.

Photos: Getty