GOLDEN GLOBES: Reese Witherspoon, Sofia Vergara, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, Nicole Richie

For those of you with lives rich with purpose and meaning, the 69th Annual Golden Globes were last night and trust me when I say they were just as boring as that time you accidentally watched part of one. So to kick off our coverage with the express purpose of bringing it to a close as quickly as possible, here are pretty pictures of Reese Witherspoon, Sofia Vergara’s breasts, Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in the same gallery because I refuse to believe they’re not lesbian lovers in real life and Nicole Richie who looked surprisingly un-Gollum-like and might have implants so she also gets her own gallery because we reward courageous acts of feminism here. It’s practically our motto.

Photos: Getty, WENN