God bless Senator Affleck
In these times of fear and uncertainty, the Democrats know that the people of America vehemently demand a leader with strength, conviction, and the charisma of the party’s good old days. Enter Ben Affleck, a man like no other. A man with the pure strength of will to promote Pearl Harbor, Gigli, and Surviving Christmas without once bursting into laughter. A man with the conviction to stand up and say, “No. Smoking is cool, and the only side effect second-hand smoke will have on my girlfriend’s baby is that it’ll be the James Dean of fetises, even if it is a girl.” A man with enough Clinton-esque charisma to sacrifice his relationship with an infamous music icon just to lure a Canadian stripper, the most coquettish breed of strippers, out of her shell. Truly he was born to lead:
Virginia hasn’t been kind to Hollywood celebrities who dabble in politics. That hasn’t stopped rumors that actor Ben Affleck is being courted to challenge Republican George F. Allen for his U.S. Senate seat in 2008.
And somewhere, Sean Penn is throwing his Oscar at the TV and wishing he had been more politcally vocal.