Gisele Bundchen might be kind of sort of freaking hot – and also topless

June 18th, 2008 // 191 Comments

Anyone get the feeling Gisele Bundchen is suggesting something directly to me, The Superficial Writer? It’s either something really awesome like Naked Battleship, or she needs a chiropractor. Who knows? But I better stare at these photos from the latest issue of GQ for a few more hours/days to be sure. In the meantime, scope out this excerpt from Gisele’s interview:

Forbes has reported that you made $35 million last year, more than twice as much as any other model in the world.
Do you think that’s important to me? Look, this is my job. I take pictures. There is no big deal. I would like to know who this reporter is finding out all of these amounts. And I would like him to talk to my accountant and figure out where is the cash that’s missing. Because I haven’t seen it.

Did I also mention Gisele has the world’s shittiest accountant and loves being robbed blind? Finally, a woman with money falling out of her vagina! And they all laughed at me. “That’s just some crazy sketch you made in the men’s room,” they said. Ha! Who’s laughing now? (Not counting Tom Brady who’s about to suffer a horrible canoe accident. Anyone got a torpedo I can borrow?)

NOTE: Pics link to possibly NSFW versions, depending on how good you are at making out a nipple.

Photos: GQ
superficial

  1. whatever

    @ 138 – I’m sure you love to stuff your greasy face with McDonald’s and Denny’s, you fucking bigot. What a perfect place for you to look down on people who you’d soon throw into the northwest corner of your imaginary society. It’s too bad that the majority of people you erroneously suggest hold employment at either of those places probably make more money, and have more friends and happiness than you, which explains your childish remarks stemming from your deep-seated insecurities. Good logic there. “We don’t see eye to eye, therefore, you must work at a fast food restaurant, which I consider to be inferior to my position as a designer, which sounds pretty cool but doesn’t mean a whole lot other than I wasn’t very good with numbers or reading.” It’s good to see you were able to put your online degree to good use. Take your stupid narrow-minded political rants and shove them up your ass, douchebreath. This is a celebrity bashing site.

  2. #150 – What? Redstate.com too tame for you? Saying “I do web design” is like saying “I’m majoring in business or Liberal Arts..” which is an easy translation for bullshit. I hope you do vote GOP this year… you and the other 63 people that do will be true mavericks. “Your lack of knowledge of the financial system and tax burdens in the business world dont surprise me either.” Huh? Do you have like Neocon Tourette’s or something? I don’t recall schooling you… and calling black people racist is like calling Neocons patriots… it makes no sense. Hey, maybe you should incorporate yourself and move your headquarters to Dubai, that way you wn’t have to pay any taxes at all and you can still squeeze the Treasury. But, go ahead and polish your flag pin and hope your touch screen voting machine doesn’t accidentally register your vote for the (NOOOOOOO!!) black dude. Now back to the dishes! Those breakfast platters aren’t cleaning themselves and Tyrone, your black manager, is a nappy hair away from firing your ass…

  3. @151…fucking bigot.?stupid narrow-minded political rants ? shove them up your ass, douchebreath? deep-seated insecurities? have more friends and happiness than you?

    well well, …pot, meet kettle, kettle , pot.

    look who is unhappy and angry. Thanks for showing your true colors. Its soooo easy to prove a point when you libs self implode like you are on the verge of. Im sure youll blame it on …taxes, conservatives, the media, larry craig or someone else…because it could never be your lack of a needed skill or just outright laziness causing it. Its ok man, one day youll be able to get away from taking orders or flipping burgers.

    FYI, I worked at a fast food restaurant, so I dont think Im better. As I got older, I realized it was a stepping stone and that if i stayed there, i was simply accepting mediocrity at best, unless I wanted to head into management, which I didnt.

    i also realized that minimum wage is not meant to live off of, just a wage to get you into the workforce and get you by until you decide what job you want to do for a career.

    I was terrible with numbers, but great at reading. Thanks for your concern though.

  4. Hoodie Haw Dee

    She looks so awkwardly posed in these pics…kinda gawky. She has a nice body but couldn’t they have posed her more sexily?

  5. surlywench

    Giselle would look at lot better if she gained 10lbs. She looks very underweight in these photos and not sexy at all.

  6. Democrats SUCK

    @130 You are a genious!! I find it a relief that someone has the balls to actually put out there what me and almost every white person in America is thinking.

    NOW To all the idiots who responded with negativity to #130:

    Obama sucks. You are just trying to talk up the Democratic party, just like you did with John Kerry. And what happened to that sack of shyt? Well he lost….and as I recall you Democrats thought he would win by a landslide as well. Face it, even 4 years ago people would rather vote for George Bush than a Democrat. You can go ahead and brainwash yourselves again with the illusion that your candidate can win. Any person with a brain would know that you should have picked a candidate that actually has a shot at winning.

    Not to mention, Obama is a closet racist!!
    Look at the church he went to for 20 years. Look at the idiotic and racist remarks his own pastor has put out there!! Do you honestly believe that he would go to a church for 20 years and not truly feel the same way or have heard those remarks before? Give me a break. if you believe that you are an idiot. You know Obama is in the front row screaming AMEN when the pastor is saying how “whitey needs to be taken down and whitey is to blame for all of America’s problems”!! And just in case any of you are misinformed about these remarks…here are a few from Pastor Wright”

    (all of these came from reputable new wesb sites)

    Wright repeated assertions this week that the United States deserved some blame for the Sept. 11 attacks and said Washington played some role in spreading AIDS to blacks, who are disproportionately affected by the HIV virus.

    “The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people,” he said in a 2003 sermon. “God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.”

    “The winds of Katrina blew the cover off America. The hurricane exposed the hypocrisy,” Rev. Wright said, “protecting white folks’ property took priority over saving black folks’ lives.” He continued, “This storm called Katrina says far more about a racist government than it does about the wrath of God.”

    And these are just some……

    God Damn America? WTF? For giving blacks welfare because it is America who makes black women open their legs and have 10 kids and then go on Maury to have paternity tests done because she slept with 6 different guys in 1 week!! God Damn America for creating more jails? Well I guess America told a black guy to rob and murder an innocent person? I also guess that America only holds black people to the 3 strike law and not all other Americans. And btw….America also told black people that they are not allowed to use condoms because they have to get AIDS.

    Point made…the Democrats will lose!

  7. Maybe Ill start a site called SUPERFICIAL WHITE GUILT and let all you guilty feeling white guys have your own columns…Let me guess what some of your topics will be…

    Ive never owned slaves, but Im guilty of something related to it

    Blacks deserve something because their ancestors sold them to whitey

    A black guy should be president because hes black…and I want him to have a chance, even though hes had more chances than 85% of other americans and went to a better school than 95% of americans.

    Im white, so I must be guilty of something.

    CHANGE…dont be specific, just tell me youll change something

    HOPE, for those of us that cant DO

    Muslims werent the 9/11 airplane pilots, it was members of the Bush presidency

    I owe blacks for their ancestors mistakes

    Its my fault that muslims attacked us

  8. I know a lot of you are wondering how I developed my
    strong beliefs. As always, they’re the result of the most
    important formative experiences of my youth. To give
    just one example:

    Clay and I were both fourteen. We were just getting
    ready for the end of summer. We had started out the week
    with a campout down by the Casey Canal. It was a warm
    night and we seldom slept early. We had played all the
    young boy games and discovered jerking off together last
    summer. Now we seldom lost a chance to take a squirt.

    Clay was telling me a story of how his older brother Tom
    had made a kid we both knew, give him a blowjob. Tom
    said he gave Gary a ride home from school and was really
    horny. He said Gary could not stop looking at the bulge
    in his shorts. Tom said it took some real convincing but
    he got him to take his cock in his mouth and suck it
    exactly like his girlfriend did.

    I told Clay he was full of shit that I knew Gary and
    that he didn’t look queer to me. Clay said his brother
    said you could never tell who had queer genes in them,
    but guys who are willing to suck usually do have them.
    I didn’t believe him but the story made me real hard
    anyway. Both Clay and I had been constantly horny for
    the last year.

    “You want to suck my dick?” Clay asked.

    “No way, asshole, that thing would not fit in my mouth.”
    I said.

    “Why not?” he asked.

    “I’m not gonna put a cock in my mouth and be known as a
    queer like Gary,” I told him.

    “You know,” he assured me. “You might just have the
    queer genes. I’ve always sort of thought of you as being
    that way,” he added.

    I just looked at him; not believing what he’d just said
    that to me. I just shook my head, “You’re crazy, dude.”

    He looked at me and said, “You can’t tell me you don’t
    want to find out what its like.”

    I said quickly, “Not me, you want one go find Gary.”

    He smiled as he looked down at his naked hard cock and
    then up at me, “Maybe I might find Gary for a blowjob,
    but he’s not here and you are.”

    He pumped his cock a few strokes and paused, “Why don’t
    you just try it? I’ll put my jockeys back on and you can
    just put it in your mouth and jerk me off. Any slooge will
    go in my jockeys and your lips won’t actually touch any
    skin,” he added, arguing like he always did.

    “Since you won’t really be sucking a cock, it won’t be
    queer, and if you don’t like it, we can stop,” he
    pleaded.

    I looked down at Clay’s cock and my face turned red as I
    realized he had me thinking about sucking him. Both of
    us knew that sucking dick was sucking dick. I knew that
    if I took his cock in my mouth even covered with his
    jockey shorts that he would have me do it again.

    I looked at Clay’s hard dick. I crossed the line when I
    said, “Put your shorts on it.” He quickly grabbed his
    shorts and pulled them over his rigid cock, “Shit yeah,
    I can’t wait. Go for it dude,” he said excitedly.

    I knelt down between his legs as he sat on the ground
    cloth. I put my mouth over the head of his cock through
    his shorts.

    Clay said, “Wait I want to know what a blow job feels
    like” and he started taking his shorts back off.

    I watched his cock plop back against his stomach as he
    removed his shorts. I said, “No way, unless you put them
    on I’m not gonna touch your cock.”

    Clay started looking around in the tent and came out
    with a sheer clothe bandana. “How bout this? It will be
    more like a blowjob and it still will be as if you’re
    not.” He wanted me to actually put a bandana-covered
    cock in my mouth yet he was telling me it wouldn’t be
    queer.

    I had seen Clay hard before, but this was different. His
    cock was rock hard and strained in the bandana. I didn’t
    look at Clay’s face as I knelt between his legs again. I
    became acutely aware of the wetness where precum had
    soaked through the thin cloth as my mouth covered the
    place at the tip of his cock. Clay was waiting, so I
    lowered my mouth, and I raised my eyes to Clay’s face
    and I felt his cock twitching and jumping in
    anticipation.

    Then I turned my attention to his cock and I felt the
    wetness as I forced out more precum from the cock head
    in my mouth. I grasped his shaft and started to jerk him
    off with just the cloth-covered head in my mouth. I held
    him at the base as I continued bobbing my head and
    sucking on his cock.

    The slow sucking rhythm caused him to reach the edge. He
    was shooting and his semen was soaking through the sheer
    material of the bandana and I could taste it. Soon the
    cloth was so wet that it did not slow down the spurts of
    semen in my mouth I never had time to think about or to
    turn away before a volley of jism oozed through the
    cloth. Semen just flowed into my mouth and I don’t know
    why I continued to pump his cock.

    Clay was silent as I release his cock from my mouth. He
    said, “See the cloth did the job and all the semen was
    captured.” There was no way to describe how it felt to
    suck his dick, but it had been unbelievable. “Well do
    you have the queer gene? Do you like to suck dick? Want
    to try it like Gary did without the cloth?” Clay asked.
    I actually got kind of a thrill and yet was embarrassed
    that I must have swallowed some of his semen. I never
    remember spitting it out.

    I told him that the experience had been okay but that I
    would not do it again. Secretly I was glad that I had
    gone down on Clay and I knew I would do it again, though
    I couldn’t tell him that. It was less than an hour when
    he started begging me to do it again. That was fine by
    me.

    I think he knew that I was willing. I guess my
    reluctance was gone, because I didn’t have any trouble
    going down on him again. The second time sucking his
    dick was easier for me. Clay started asking me what it
    felt like while I sucked him.

    While I was bobbing up and down, with a little more
    action, Clay asked me if I wanted to remove the cloth.
    He said that it was just he and I and he would never
    tell anyone. He said it was just two dudes experimenting
    and that he was just joking about the queer genes. I
    actually wanted to do it yet I was not prepared to go
    that far. Clay knew that I liked to suck his cock, yet
    he knew that it would mean admitting that I was queer if
    I admitted it and he knew that I wouldn’t do that.

    The next week Clay was busy all the time and he didn’t
    talk about what we had done. I thought he was ashamed or
    something and I even noticed that he would get hard
    sometimes while we hung out together. But then he’d
    always say he had better leave. I thought that he did
    not want to be embarrassed around me.

    It was about a week later when I found why he would
    leave. He told me that he had come home from our trip
    and that Gary was at his house with his brother. He said
    that he watched him give Tom a blowjob. He said that
    Gary was always trying to get Tom to let him suck him.

    “Now he sucks Tom off all the time,” Clay said. He
    looked at me and said, “Shit Gary suck me too. Boy he’s
    good at it too.” Then he smiled and said, “Almost as
    good as you.”

    Clay was always good at getting me to do whatever he
    wanted. There was no denying I got off on sucking him
    and I knew what he wanted me to do next.

  9. WOW…..thats getting creative there, acting like me.

    The real question is where did you get such descriptive stories?…Let me guess…at an Obama rally?..or was it, the NAMBLA meetings you attend, with your Dad.

    Its so funny to see DUMBocrats being unable to address the issues and make up stories like the above, pretending to be me….

    ITS ALL EMOTIONAL WITH DUMBOCRATS…THATS WHY THEY VOTE LIKE THEY DO AND PASS THE LAWS THEY DO…THEY THINK WITH THEIR HEARTS, NOT WITH THEIR BRAINS.

  10. el ces

    FAP!

  11. Supergirl

    Where are you getting this too skinny stuff? Do you know where girls lose their weight first? In the BREASTS. Her breasts look perfectly inflated to me. And, for those idiots who don’t know the difference, NO they are NOT fake.

  12. lmao

    “ITS ALL EMOTIONAL WITH DUMBOCRATS…THATS WHY THEY VOTE LIKE THEY DO AND PASS THE LAWS THEY DO…THEY THINK WITH THEIR HEARTS, NOT WITH THEIR BRAINS.”

    …screams the foaming-at-the-mouth Dittohead….

  13. I admit it. The reason for all this pent up rage is that I am actually a manager at McDonalds. Well, Assistant MANAGER. But I’ll get there after another decade of hard work! My shift starts pretty soon though so I’d better get off of momma’s computer before she gets mad at me. Also, I love the cock.

  14. hmm

    #160 Seems like political party preference doesn’t really have anything to do with you consistently making an ass out of yourself on this post. Time to move on to the next site, perhaps?

  15. Im so flattered by all of those that wish they were me.

    Its so sincere…but all you have to do is…

    ditch:

    the Obama Stickers
    the Newports
    the $5.75 an hr job
    the fat white girlfriend with cornrows
    the K-FED cd your bumping
    the lab-pit bull mix that youve tried to make mean
    BET, MTV(NTV)
    the ebonics

    then quit:

    being late
    putting $3000 rims on your $700 car
    playing (c)rap music
    that shitty ass R&B
    speaking in ebonics
    wearing dew rags
    showing your ass cracks
    speaking in ebonics
    parking in the handicapped/fire lane
    beating up white kids

    living 10 to a house in the ghetto…letting your mom pay for everything
    supporting someone because of their color, even if theyve done something horrible (OJ, R. Kelly etc)

    chewing on cigars

    buying blunts and smoking half an ounce in one sitting…no wonder you dont have money, you cant even get high right

    basically…quit being whiggers.

  16. Mmmm…. chicks in boys’ underwear…
    I think I just discovered a new fetish!

  17. Tyler Durden

    Yes fat miserable bitch they have fat male models in Paris are you fucking kidding me? I’ve worked with some of the biggest names around, but I couldn’t stand that sick world so I gave it up to pursue personal training and I have my own succesful buisness. I’m 6’2″ and have the abs and body of a Calvin Klein model, mostly because I was one, so suck it fatty.

  18. Tyler Durden

    Oh and my shit does stink like everybody else’s, but at least I can shit without the help of laxatives and I eat actual food and my body isn’t an ashtray/cocain depository. All I’m saying is the modeling world is fucking repulsive and as a man you should have no desire to be with any of these women it’s all smoke and mirrors and NOTE TO MEN actual hot beautiful women who have this warped concept that they don’t measure up because they aren’t 6 feet tall and underfed LOVE hearing what a sick world it is and how far superior they are to any model so it helps with your game. I’m just saying be careful what you wish for and the grass is always greener, I’ve mowed both sides and REAL women are 10 times better than these vain bitchy braindead skanks and no I don’t like ‘em thick or big. No Kim Kardashian for me thanks. I can’t even name a famous woman who is as hot as the beautiful girls you can meet any day in a big city.

  19. Sarah

    I still think Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio are way hotter than Gisele.

  20. #130 is mildly retarded

    Man I would love to debate you in detail. You are really an ignorant ill-informed little fellow. I am serious. You are the perfect idiot that is easily programmed because you are not bright enough to think for yourself so you listen to the propagandists scumbags.

    911 eh? You honestly believe that shit huh dullard. A couple dozen Arab dudes are capable of outsmarting the FBI, CIA, and NSA? REALLY? You are kidding me, right? Damn you are simple. No jets scramble, president sits and read to 7 year olds. Saudi Royals are sneaked out in the night. And all the previous puts on the airlines. The choreographed fall of the towers. Rumsfelds slips about the missile hitting the Pentagon. Israel being the most important thing in the world. We let millions of cheap laboring Mexicans in and send all our work overseas for more cheap labor all the while Big Business gets filthy rich and the middle class is being eliminated and more and more oligarchic billionaires and multimillionaires are ascending gloriously in a return to the Feudal System.

    You can’t see any of this can you, you dumb motherfucker? Wars without end to serve our dark master. I guess the Arab world is not allowed to defend itself, right? When they attack us they are terrorists.

    What are we when we invade and attack other soverign nations? Answer the question you stupid little programmed maggot.

    Anyway, fuck off.

  21. alisa

    ok so the girls that think shes too skinny are most definitely FAT and the guys that “say” they wouldnt fuck her are also.. FAT. shut the fuck up fatties.. she looks great but i wonder how small her boobs were before surgery.. and shes had a nose job.. she was waayy average before.. but her thin body…perfect

  22. There was a time when I thought Gisele was really really super hawt. And then I found out Bar Rafaeli exists.

  23. Sweet

    a grown woman with the body of a 12 yr old BOY! (& with some small tits)
    HOW DISGUSTING!!! REAL women have sexy curves…they dont’ look like anorexic 12 yr old boys!

  24. Sweet

    And I am NOT fat!!! I am fit (I’m slim & I have curves and look more womanly than she does!) Whoever said that isn’t really thinking here.

    She is a GROWN woman….but her body doesn’t look like it at all…well except for her tits and her old-looking face :S

  25. Arguman

    I’m sorry to be a nerd here, but Mr. Fantastic is supposed to be a DUDE, thank you very much.

  26. Elliot_Spitz_On_Her

    Hugh Jorgen for president. #171 you are a cunt

  27. @ 171…WOW, yes I do REALLY believe that shit. I also believe that you are stuck on SCI-FI channel and comic books with your “dark master” comment. Too funny. When did you get out of the lefty loony bin?…Or as its known to you,” Alex Jones playpen for little boys “. DO yourself a favor Hadji and go back home to the middle east. You arent welcome here any longer.

  28. Depressed

    I am so sad to be an American at this point.
    Quit bitching about politics you don’t understand, Americans, and take a freaking political science course.

    I’m so glad our government continues to recognize the fact that most Americans are not fit to vote.
    All Muslims terrorists???
    Are you serious?
    That’s pathetic.
    Quit Bush praising as well…when you HAVE NO IDEA as to the political spectrum.
    As an educated, responsible, VOTING citizen with degrees in political science and international aid– I beg you to keep your mouths quiet when you cannot comprehend the level of selfish, self-serving tactics– policies and manipulation our hegemon of a government continues to back.
    Why don’t you Wiki the ‘Washington Consesus’?
    And be repsonsible. The problem lies with the government NOT the nation. We can rectify our problems… but not 100%– but maybe we can finally give the UN our portioned allotment??
    But you have to keep your mouths shut, and your eyes/minds open. It’s our job to watch this nation. We are failing–
    I love my country– but I’m not proud of her.

    And all I wanted to do was read a damn article about Gisele Bundchen…
    She’s gorgeous.. but really quite slender. Beautiful skin!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washington_Consensus

  29. Depressed

    I am so sad to be an American at this point.
    Quit bitching about politics you don’t understand, Americans, and take a freaking political science course.

    I’m so glad our government continues to recognize the fact that most Americans are not fit to vote.
    All Muslims terrorists???
    Are you serious?
    That’s pathetic.
    Quit Bush praising as well…when you HAVE NO IDEA as to the political spectrum.
    As an educated, responsible, VOTING citizen with degrees in political science and international aid– I beg you to keep your mouths quiet when you cannot comprehend the level of selfish, self-serving tactics– policies and manipulation our hegemon of a government continues to back.
    Why don’t you Wiki the ‘Washington Consesus’?
    And be repsonsible. The problem lies with the government NOT the nation. We can rectify our problems… but not 100%– but maybe we can finally give the UN our portioned allotment??
    But you have to keep your mouths shut, and your eyes/minds open. It’s our job to watch this nation. We are failing–
    I love my country– but I’m not proud of her.

    And all I wanted to do was read a damn article about Gisele Bundchen…
    She’s gorgeous.. but really quite slender. Beautiful skin!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washington_Consensus

  30. B Real

    Why all the haters?

    When someone says things like what has been said about this very successful woman, respect is lost instantly.

  31. Lubricant

    Let’s see: Tom Brady trades in Bridgett Monaghan for this stick figure?
    He’s got to be a fag.

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