Considering the last time the Patriots faced the Giants in the Super Bowl her husband went home crying without even touching his waterslide, Gisele Bundchen has found herself turning to the very same deity Tom Brady proved doesn’t exist when his team essentially anally raped Tim Tebow in the playoffs. The New York Post reports:
“My sweet friends and family,” the e-mail began. “This sunday will be a really important day in my husband’s life. He and his team worked so hard to get to this point and now they need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl . . .
“So I kindly ask all of you to join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this sunday.
“Thank you for your love and support. Love, G :)”
Somewhere Tim Tebow sets down his acoustic guitar and excuses himself from the praise circle. As he enters his private pastoral chambers, he can’t help but crack a smile while reading of his mortal enemy’s desperate pleas to the Almighty. For little does Tom Brady know that Tim Tebow spent the entire pre-season licking every last prayer tear, rich with quarterback power, from the eyes of Jesus. Every last one of them…
DEACON: *bursts in* Tim, are you okay? I swear I heard evil laughter like that of Lucifer himself.
TIM: No, no, I’m fine…
DEACON: Now wait just a minute. Son, were you masturbating?
TIM: What? No! Why would you- *looks down* Why is it hard like that? Is that supposed to happen?! HELP ME!
DEACON: The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! We need holy water in here!