Gisele Bundchen: ‘Please Pray For Tom Brady’

February 2nd, 2012 // 73 Comments

Considering the last time the Patriots faced the Giants in the Super Bowl her husband went home crying without even touching his waterslide, Gisele Bundchen has found herself turning to the very same deity Tom Brady proved doesn’t exist when his team essentially anally raped Tim Tebow in the playoffs. The New York Post reports:

“My sweet friends and family,” the e-mail began. “This sunday will be a really important day in my husband’s life. He and his team worked so hard to get to this point and now they need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl . . .
“So I kindly ask all of you to join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this sunday.
“Thank you for your love and support. Love, G :)”

Somewhere Tim Tebow sets down his acoustic guitar and excuses himself from the praise circle. As he enters his private pastoral chambers, he can’t help but crack a smile while reading of his mortal enemy’s desperate pleas to the Almighty. For little does Tom Brady know that Tim Tebow spent the entire pre-season licking every last prayer tear, rich with quarterback power, from the eyes of Jesus. Every last one of them…

DEACON: *bursts in* Tim, are you okay? I swear I heard evil laughter like that of Lucifer himself.
TIM: No, no, I’m fine…
DEACON: Now wait just a minute. Son, were you masturbating?
TIM: What? No! Why would you- *looks down* Why is it hard like that? Is that supposed to happen?! HELP ME!
DEACON: The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! We need holy water in here!

Photos: Getty


  1. Chris Brown is a fucking moron

    First, bitches!

  2. dontkillthemessenger

    As a Knicks fan, I prayed many a night that they would beat Michael Jordan’s Bulls. Apparently, Jordan is either GOD himself or the Devil or a combo of both or more powerful than both squared.

    Or there’s the alternative…

    • Schmidtler

      by ‘alternative’ I assume you mean that possibly, the all powerful master and creator of time and space itself doesn’t actually waste any time on who wins a ballgame?
      2 hands working will always accomplish infinitely more than a thousand hands praying.

  3. Eil Manning

    Yeah, I pray the cheating bastard doesn’t win another football game…ever. On a lighter note, he does have good teeth.

  4. Eli Manning

    Oops…I didn’t even spell my own name right. It’s ELI, you idiot (to self). My legs are weak.

  5. Kevin

    Just want to point out that Tebow got raped twice by Brady.

  6. Buddy the Elf

    Because pretty boy doesn’t already live a charmed life, let’s all please pray for him. Let’s pray he can afford the PG&E bill on his new $50M mansion in Bel Air. Let’s pray all his nannies and handlers can raise the kids he had with a fucking supermodel. Let’s pray he can get a fourth ring, too.

  7. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    This is Madness
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s totally grabbing her ass

  8. Robin

    Even with all that plastic surgery she is a major butterface.

  9. MarkM

    Oh, please dear God…let the beautiful, weathy beyond belief jock who is banging a supermodel have even more success this Sunday!

    Don’t worry about my father’s poor health, or my trouble’s making ends meet, or those even less fortunate than me, just please, please, please Dear God, let Tom Brady win the game on Sunday!


  10. I wonder if the stitches on the football tickle when she twirls it in his ass?

  11. Mick

    Fish is still a bigot I see.

  12. Lick 'er Kick 'er

    Tom Brady is the biggest douche nozzle that ever put on a football uniform. Break his freakin’ legs, Osi. Break his freakin’ legs….

  13. Kirk

    Why is it that the jerks out there like to compare losing a game to being anally raped? Anyone with any knowledge of the NFL and it’s games will recall that yes, the Giants defense put plenty of pressure on Brady in that Super Bowl. They also remember that Brady led the team on a drive and threw a TD pass to give them a 14-10 lead with less than 3 minutes remaining. It is the Pats defense that lost that game when they couldn’t hold on to the lead. At least get the facts right before stooping to jr high level and comparing a loss to a crime.

  14. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Duke malibu
    Commented on this photo:

    Hope you didn’t spend too much time on that sorry piece of satire… Man, talk about lame !! You neeed to keep your day job delivering the morning newspaper…

  15. Cock Dr

    Is that silly game this Sunday? Always a great time to go someplace, as most of America becomes riveted to their TVs for upwards of 4 hours.

  16. The Lighting

    Well, I *was* going to pray for world peace. But since she asked so nicely…

  17. Johnny P!

    This is gonna be a real tough one for God. Taking time away from war and famine and disease to help Tom Brady, or join the Kim Kuntashian prayer circle. The BIG DUDE sure has his work cut out for him…

  18. Dan

    I don’t actually think God cares about the Super Bowl. At all.

    Also, I wonder if Leo ever feels stupid that he left Gisele… She seems pretty loyal.

    • Schmidtler

      I bet that since the time Leo dumped Gisele, the 1,000 other smoking hot young bitches that have paraded through his bed have made him forget he even banged her at all.

  19. Man, what a lucky guy! A wife who is hot, rich and supportive? That’s better than winning the SB!

    • LIndsay Lohan is a worthless slut

      Hey, hey, hold your horses there glassman. I’m sure having a supermodel wife is awesome and everything, but let’s not get carried away, okay?

  20. cc

    She might be stunned.

  21. Area Man

    Wonder if her ball handling is as good as his handoff to the backfield.

  22. giselleisanutbag

    Sorry Giselle, but God is too busy this weekend giving HIV to African babies. Tom’s on his own.

    • GOD

      wtf, all you bitches did in the 1980′s was whine and cry that you wanted Aids for Africans, so now you’re complaining?

      oh what now? you meant aid, not aids? whoops.

  23. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Commented on this photo:


  24. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Commented on this photo:

    They are so beautiful its mind blowing!!!

  25. Bruce Wayne

    yes, let’s pray for the beautiful rich people. Fuck off, you delusional cunt. Pray that some dumb jock catches a ball? Prayer does nothing. Might as well masturbate. It’s more productive.

    • Randal(l)

      I do both at the same time. I always light a votive candle before I violently masturbate.

      want to guess how I turn off the candles? I think you will pleasantly surprised….

      …Cum, I turn them out with cum is what I’m trying to say


  26. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Commented on this photo:

    Just to be clear, Tom Brady didn’t rape Tebow…Jesus did.

  27. If we could make things happen just by envisioning them, wouldn’t she be naked in all these pictures?

  28. Little Timmy Tebow

    Dear God, please let Tom Brady win the Super Bowl and get a supermodel with a less mean face and lose the girly haircut and bless mommy and daddy and grampa and gramma and my cat Sparky, amen.

  29. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey beautiful, don’t hold your breathe on me praying for your hubby Brady, except that he gets his fucking leg broken or his head stuffed up his ass. I could care less about either team but I despise the cocksucker Brady and am hoping he comes out with a career-ending injury so I never need to see his sorry puss again.

  30. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Commented on this photo:

    Behind every pair of pretty girls is a guy yelling at his boner.

  31. forrest gump

    is she really serious to say these things?

  32. fishisgay

    She is not American so she does not get the sarcasm some idiots here would throw at her. Jealous much ? She loves her old man big fucking deal. GO PATS.

  33. dumbpll

    I take offense to fishisgay comment.. … We maybe from Brazil ( a place u obviously no nothing about) but we get sarcasm tey come from a very new invention over here.. I think is called brain…..

  34. Shmesus

    Whatever happens it’s a win for New York, pray all you like.

  35. God

    You’re Smited.

  36. mando

    Gisele, it has nothing to do with appeasing the Gods. It’s really all about who doesn’t choke under pressure out there on the field.

  37. Colostomy Bag

    Giants TT Over. Book it.

  38. Did she at least apologize to those African men who thanked her husband for defeating Tebow, in hopes of having God’s attention returned to them?

    Seriously, though…I feel like I have to repudiate my own joke now.

  39. Arkon

    I love the Patriots and hate the Giants… but unfortunately I think the Giants will still win. The Patriots secondary is about as solid as a newborn calf.

  40. wait so giselle freaking bundchen is in a photo and people are still talking about football? i’m never getting laid again, ever, am I?

  41. mrsmass

    as a Pats fan, this is really fucking embarrassing.

  42. SFRowGuy

    Can I pray that he gets that mop of his cut? Does that count?

  43. Gisele Bundchen Tom Brady
    Meow Meow
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t think she’s into him anymore… Just a hunch… And why is he trying to grow a mullet? He’s probably a cry baby.

  44. ha ha! Tom Brady is OVAH!



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