Ghosts Are Driving Jared Leto Cuh-Cuh-Crazy!

Picture this… you’re a journalist for The Evening Standard and your assignment is to go to Jared Leto’s house (which is a fucking converted Air Force bunker) and find out if he’s still alive. He’s about to take off on another 30 Seconds to Mars tour and playing a big role in the new Bladerunner movie so he and his publicist probably get a kick out of weirding out journalists who have the balls to knock on his giant blast door. Somebody did, though. His name is Richard and his interview is pretty good- but here’s a recap…

Jared Leto stopped doing cocaine “does not dive lightly into the abyss” any more, so every time he talks about meditation, veganism, and ghosts – he’s being totally serious. Again, he also moved into the place where the Air Force used to film nuclear fallout safety videos…

Is it true they faked the moon landings here? ‘God knows what they did here,’ he says. ‘But it talks. We’ve already had ghost sightings reported by my housekeeper. A handyman quit the project as he had an encounter. But I feel quite at home up here.

Who did your handyman encounter, Jared? Was it the ghost of an old Air Force pilot or was it you preparing for your role as The Joker by eating rats and following him around the house? It’s obvious that Leto strives to be like Johnny Depp, but someone should tell him he needs to spend less time with Alessandro Michele and more time with homeless dudes drinking pints of gin out of plastic bottles under an overpass.

The interview goes on to talk about why Jared Leto has never had kids, despite taking ScarJo and Cameron Diaz to porktown. Short answer, he’s selfish and doing art for arts sake because life is art and art is pain and banging copious mountains of model vagina in a bunker is something you don’t want to throw out the window for some snot-nosed kid. Fuck it, playboy- play on, playa.

I almost died recently,’ he says, matter-of-factly. ‘I’ve been close a few times in my life. There was a moment in Yosemite where I was hanging off Taft Point, which is about 3,000 feet, overlooking the valley… I remember having a very direct conversation with myself.’ About what? ‘About the inefficiency of losing my mind. About how important it is for survival, it was to stay as calm as I could.

“Inefficiency of losing your mind” is Leto-lian for “don’t shit your pants, we have models stacked up in that bunker that aren’t going to bang themselves- well, maybe they are already because I told them to until I came back from rock climbin- AH, it’s getting to me… damn you, inefficient and unproductive mind!”

He’s also pretty pumped about the idea of singularity and collective consciousness because he saw it in a dream, so it’s going to be real… That’s when I assume Richard got nervous at how dead Jared Leto’s eyes were while saying that and felt it time to end the interview.