Geri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are idiots

May 24th, 2006 // 139 Comments

geri-terrible-name.jpgGeri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are apparently competing in an unofficial contest to see who can come up with the worse baby name. Jillette and his wife named their baby boy Zolten Penn Jillette, saying in a statement: “Zolten is a common Hungarian name, it’s my wife’s maiden name and most importantly, it’s the name of Dracula’s dog.” Not to be outdone, Geri Halliwell announced that she named her daughter Bluebell Madonna Halliwell after a rare flower and, well, Madonna.

“But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare–so it’s [a] precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter,” Halliwell said. “As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, ‘Hi! I’m here!’ She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, ‘Hello, Wembley!’ No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love.”

They should make it a prerequisite for pregnancy that you not be stupid enough to name your child after Dracula’s dog or some dumb flower. They take kids away for being abused by their parents, but being named Zolten or Bluebell has to be way worse than a smack across the face. There’s pretty much zero chance of Bluebell going through life without adopting the nickname “Blue Balls.” Just typing this post I almost typed “Blue Balls” by accident like eight times.



  1. Geno

    I guess naming your kid Bluebell is better than naming it Blueballs.

  2. Someone revoke their right to be a mother.

  3. Dr.Rokter

    I’m going to name my kid “Mystikor the Unreasonable” after a Dungeons and Dragons character I had in seventh grade. I just don’t know how I’ll raise Lawful Good kids in a Chaotic Evil society.

    Gerri Halliwell looks like she caught whatever skin disease it is Robert Redford contracted twenty years ago.

  4. boobiezmagee

    Dracula had a dog? Who fucking knew.

    Bluebell Madonna will be one of the best paid girls at the Bunny Ranch in 18 years.

  5. 86

    Don’t like Geri, you named her after the ice cream!!!!

  6. 86

    like = lie, ha

  7. sjb16

    Penn Jillette should of been sterilized after naming his daughter Moxie CrimeFighter. Now he’s naming his son Zolten, what a complete douchebag! And Bluebell Madonna, someone punch this cunt in the face!

  8. Dr.Rokter


    There’s a “Madonna” flavored ice cream? Sort of tart but ends up tasting like whatever’s been selling best that week? Bwah, hah, hah…etc.

  9. trulymadlydeeplytori

    I had a basketball coach in HS named Zoltan Ford. His son, Zoltan was a helluva player. Cool name. He sold great weed too.

  10. GeannaSparrow

    Ahahahaha… Isn’t it fun to think of the worst names to name your children?
    And thinking about how much they’ll hate you when they’re old enough to realized their lives are ruined because of their name?
    And wondering if they’ll kill you in the middle of the night, as revenge?
    ….Ahahahaha…. I love it.

  11. Charlaurz McHall

    Maybe celeb parents give their children retarded names as punishment for making them fat and giving them stretch marks. I really think that some parents must hate their kids…
    calling someone Pilot Inspector is a cruel and unsual form of punishment.

  12. Jacq

    If she REALLY loved Madonna, she would have crucified the baby. Her arms were wide out there.

    #5 – They eat all they can and they sell the rest.

    Someone I work with met someone named Richard Holder the other day. If my name was Dick Holder, mother’s and father’s day would be the biggest hate-mail days of the year.

  13. 86

    8 and it leaves you with a fake British accent! Don’t eat too much…

  14. 86

    Maybe Dick Holder was Tom Cruise in disguise, cuz we all know….

  15. purplepuppy

    Um, Hi Geri…FYI the mother of Christ was not named Madonna. Uh, what was her name again, hmmm, let me think a minute…Oh Ya MARY!!! You’re a dumb-dumb.

  16. Agenda of Rage

    #12 – nice.
    And Geri Halliwell? Wasn’t she a Spice Girl or something? Who really cares about her?
    Oh yeah, and a retard as well. Madonna’s mother had the same name.

  17. 86

    She should have named it Baby Spice.

  18. spatz

    i love when famous people have kids they think they are the first people on the planet to give birth, like its some great mystical feat. “my baby was yelling when he was coming out of me!” really? i didnt think babies cried when they came out.


  19. Agenda of Rage

    And, 11. At least Jason Lee has some talent. Unlike these….people.

  20. Proteon

    Who gives a shit?

  21. spatz

    umm 15 are you serious? wow. if you want to get technical her “real” name (her hebrew name) was Miryam, or Miriam. duh

  22. gas_up_the_hrududu

    I’m just waiting for some celebrity to name their spawn “Jesus Christ” or “Ruler of the Known Universe.” Oh, it’s coming. You know it is.

  23. WishDoll

    I’m Hungarian, and I can tell you for sure, it’s Zolt

  24. Fisher55

    isn’t Zoltan the name of the magic carnival machine thingy in “Big?”

  25. playahater101

    #15, Mary the virgin mother is also referred to as “The Madonna”.

    Is it me or does she look like Tara Reid aged 20 years in that picture?

  26. spatz

    24 lol THATS why that name sounds so familiar. i think it was zoltar though. heh.

  27. slinkysu

    Bluebells aren’t rare. They are as common as muck and i have hundreds of them in my garden! stupid woman! They may be rare in spain where her mother is from but they’re like daffodils in the UK – bloody everywhere!

    Stupid idiot and stupid name!

  28. purplepuppy


    ummm, ya I am serious. I think I made it quite clear that I meant she did have a NAME and her NAME wasn’t Madonna. Relax.

  29. Linnea

    Sometimes, I want to name my kid Assdouche just to see the teachers face when she calls role.

  30. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    It so nice that they’ve put so much thought into naming their kids. Why don’t they save them some trouble and have a foot permanently installed up their asses?

  31. Good for Geri! I think it’s AWESOME when senior citizens pervert science to have kids. Seeing what she claimed her age is in her last interview was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.

  32. Wow! What an honor to be named after Dracula’s dog!

  33. IFuckingHateYou

    Baby Spice gives her kid a fucked up name? Absolutely shocking. I’m just surprised it wasn’t a boy and she still named it Bluebell, then people could holler “Your my boy Blue” whenever they saw him.
    Would it be really bad to name my unborn chicl “Tom Cruise Loves the Cock Smith”? Lest people forget in the future that TCLTC.

  34. IFuckingHateYou

    Wow, can’t type today:
    Previous post was supposed to be “You’re my boy Blue”
    unborn child

    Tom Cruise still loves the cock though, so the world hasn’t ended.

  35. Moriarty

    Bluebells aren’t rare in England, which makes it even worse.

    I suppose they are pretty rare if you have to get your passport out to see one though.

  36. PapaHotNuts

    I’m going to name my next kid, “Ice Cream Springsteen”.

  37. dark

    27: Wrong.

    And, to comply with mandatory minimum celebrity bashing content regulations:

    Tom Cruise gives Tom of Finland cock loving lessons.

  38. gogoboots

    Man being a Spice Girls really does make you a fucking idiot, if you’re not starving yourself to death, your naming your kids awful names so they’ll be traumatized for the rest of their lives…or maybe until they get their name changed after they turn 18 or something…

  39. Jacq

    I guess when your dad’s show is named Bullshit, you’re lucky to just end up with a name like Zolten.

    #33 – Not that I want to admit that I know this, but Geri was Ginger Spice.

    She’s probably Googling her name to see if people still talk about her. I bet this makes her day.

  40. My buddy loves that Showtime Penn & Teller show “Bullshit”. I admit, it is often funny and sometimes they are right on the money with their comments, but any faith I had in the man’s intellect went out the window with the name he bestows upon his kids. Moxie Crimefighter followed by Zolten? WTF? I realize that if you go down that odd-name path, you have to see it through. Can’t call one kid Cocksucker Supreme and the other Tom. It’s the Bruce Willis/Demi Moore paradigm – if you name one kid weird, you have to run the gamut with the others. Rumor, leads to Scout, Scout begets Tallulah Belle. The best way to deal with this is to not give your kid a fucked up name in the first place. No Pilot Inspektor, no Apple, no Suri, no Muumu-Googanga (Pitt-Jolie’s kid). Sorry if I seem a tad righteous about this, but I experienced this firsthand recently as my sister gave birth to 7lb 4oz baby Ransom. The kid will be Randy to me. I only pray she does not have a second child and call it Rape, but following the universal maxim that is the Bruce Willis/Demi Moore paradigm, I have little faith. BTW – my employing Cocksucker Supreme and Tom as an example of an unusual name followed by a normal name was entirely unintentional. It was only after proofing this post that I realized how ingrained TCLTC has become to me.

  41. ive heard of much worse names but who cares,i know a guy who just names his kid rupert..

  42. dosita

    in about 15 years blueballs will date one of victoria beckham’s spawns, brooklyn, and it will be brooklyn blueballs forever. *sigh* romance.

  43. 86

    42 hell yeah. Blueballs Beckham has a nice ring to it.

  44. sweetcheeks

    The name “Geri” isn’t that great itself, you know. It smacks of “geriatric.” You should be hunched over in a three piece suit, clutching a cane and spewing gibberish if you are named “Geri.” And be sitting in McDonald’s at 6 a.m.

  45. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    That’s Sherry-co you’re describing.

  46. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Except you missed the colostomy bag and oxygen mask.

  47. Shelley Bonnechance

    I think it sucks that people with normal names like Gerri and Bob and Gwyneth and Tom and Bruce name their kids these pretentious, show-offy names that will make them the butt of schoolyard jokes for the next fifteen years and beyond, like at their 10th high school reunion by drunken former classmates who still remember how funny it was to tease Blueballs about her name.

    I was really surprised that Madonna came up with some nice Catholic names for her kids. Bizarre, that was. I was expecting something stupid like “Milkmaid Buttercheese” and she gave us a nice, respectable “Lourdes.”

    “Rocco” isn’t as well known, but there is a St. Roc Parish in my town, so I’ll give her a pass on that one.

  48. sweetcheeks

    “Bluebell,” though, will be that annoying hippie-guy who always has good weed but uses words like “stony” and “rad,” so everybody hates him.

  49. Ari

    And to think, my daughter bitches that I named her Cassandra. *sigh*

  50. c1ndy

    I think Bluebell is a good name, but then I am pregnant and all names sound good.

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