Geri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are apparently competing in an unofficial contest to see who can come up with the worse baby name. Jillette and his wife named their baby boy Zolten Penn Jillette, saying in a statement: “Zolten is a common Hungarian name, it’s my wife’s maiden name and most importantly, it’s the name of Dracula’s dog.” Not to be outdone, Geri Halliwell announced that she named her daughter Bluebell Madonna Halliwell after a rare flower and, well, Madonna.
“But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare–so it’s [a] precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter,” Halliwell said. “As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, ‘Hi! I’m here!’ She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, ‘Hello, Wembley!’ No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love.”
They should make it a prerequisite for pregnancy that you not be stupid enough to name your child after Dracula’s dog or some dumb flower. They take kids away for being abused by their parents, but being named Zolten or Bluebell has to be way worse than a smack across the face. There’s pretty much zero chance of Bluebell going through life without adopting the nickname “Blue Balls.” Just typing this post I almost typed “Blue Balls” by accident like eight times.