George Clooney told to ditch his girlfriend

April 7th, 2008 // 50 Comments

George Clooney received an anonymous phone call at home telling him to curb his girlfriend Sarah Larson. The voice on the line said “Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you’re sorry!” Clooney and his chin didn’t take well to this offense and launched an investigation, according to Page Six:

Clooney, who discounts the possibility one of his pals played a joke on him – “It’s not a prank – none of my friends would do that” – called in the fuzz. With the help of his rent-a-cop chauffeur, he had the caller’s number traced to a pre-paid cellphone, then tried to find out if the suspect had paid by credit card to pin him down. But the investigation apparently dead-ended.

Sarah’s past has already came back to haunt her when pictures of her getting freaky last summer in Vegas surfaced online. And now her ex-boyfriend Tommy McKaughan shared details of their crazy forest love-making with yesterday’s News of the World:

“I’ll never forget the many nights we spent cuddled up in our little tent. Sarah would bring her crystals and ease away my aches and pains with healing ceremonies.
“She learned how to perform the classical Indian dance Orissi. George will love it. She’d play her bongos, put some oriental music on and start these incredibly sexy moves like belly dancing. Then we’d devour each other–in the tent AND outside. Neither of us are shy about our bodies and we had some of our best times rolling in the grass.”

Why does Sarah Larson’s ex-boyfriend talk like a bad porno writer? He’s going to have to come up with more believable characters than a bongo-playing belly dancer. That’s not sexy. What if she played a ukulele instead? But it had boobs – and the right one could talk! This is too good for nature boy. Get me Hollywood on the line. “Hello, Hollywood? I’ve done it again. A ukelele with talking boobs. Too real? Damn.”

UPDATE: George Clooney sold his house to buy a tent full of Viagra. Last seen heading towards the Ozarks with his turn signal on.

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. roop

    firbst!!!

  2. Frist Fister

    Whoa! Why is Tracey Ullman in that last picture?

  3. combustion8

    shes not the hottest chick, but next to squinty shes a goddess.

  4. Mia

    Her dress looks like my last year Flapper Halloween costume.

  5. I sure this chick can suck start a Harley and the fact that she like to run naked in the forest is just an added bonus. I would keep this her until Mr Happy falls to the floor and dies..

  6. Binky

    Binky:9/11 was an inside job
    Knee Da Ya Ha: does Cliff know?
    Cliff: Check out freefall speeds, gas ovens, solar winds, and grassy knolls.

  7. Jennifer Hammond

    Maybe he can buy that tittless wonder some boobs. She is flatter than most guys! They look like pecs. How sexy is that making love to a woman with tighter pecs than he has? Lol.

  8. @9 Hey Jenn, how big are your tits?

  9. At least we know she’s had lots of practice being a proper whore.

  10. Vince Lombardi

    What’s all the fuss? His attention span with women is just slightly shorter than his tie. Next year this time we’ll all be asking “Sharon Who?”

  11. havoc

    How the fuck is this news of any kind?

    Seriously, Clooney got a voice message?

    Christ, even Britney flashing her snapper was more interesting……

    .

  12. poor girl, i had never heard of her before…its just about having the superstar boyfriend and they start carving up her past to bring everything down. But whatever, she is H.O.T.! and so is geaorge…a bit wrinkly already, but hot still.

  13. Laura

    Yawn. Boring.

  14. Stuey

    @13, LMAO at snapper. NICE

  15. I hope George is using a rubber

  16. I thought Binky was a vampire how is he posting during the day

    If I were Clooney, I’d be more worried about HIV than anything else after reading that flowery prose. If the ex-boyfriend wanted to make Clooney feel bad about his slut, he should have taken a peek at Frist’s diary and then written “I don’t know what it is about his girl. We go at it for hours, and she’s close to the peak over and over again, but it always takes me bending her over ramming my cock up her ass and pulling her hair for her to come. And then it’s 5 times, at least. Eventually it starts to resemble a psychotic breakdown. But no matter what, she always wants to “taste it” afterwards, and it’s as if all that deep pounding in her ass created a vacuum in her mouth. I pity the next guy who has to kiss her.”

  17. WHERE ARE HER TITS??

    seriously. someone answer that for me. she looks like a faggot ken doll.

  18. Sausageface

    9. Some girls are just comfortable in their own skin. Sadly you’re not and believe men prefer fake jugs. You should touch yourself more often.

  19. Groucho

    Bongo drums? Are we sure that wasn’t Matthew McConahoueyhuey?

  20. nipolian

    George needs to dump this bitch on the grounds that she dated a guy that uses terms like “Then we’d devour each other”. What a douchebag that guy must be.

  21. I Get It Now

    So she’s been devoured and digested? That accounts for the less than intelligent look on her face in these pics.

  22. LJV

    They make a cute couple, and he looks happy – they both do. Her ex is just jealous and needs to get over it. She has a modelesque look, thankfully she doesn’t need fake boobs (enough already with those things). She is a beautiful girl and he’s a handsome guy – so let them be!

  23. UNCLE NED

    I don’t know anybody who likes this creep, OR Tom Cruise or any of these Hollywood actors – yet they get picture after picture. Who’s going to watch these awful films? They suck shit.

    And wow, you mean a rich, aging movie-star scored a young bimbo with hot-legs? Learn something new every day…

  24. sausageface

    24. Amen!

  25. ferlo

    The last picture is hilarious. Rene Zel-whatever looks so… tired

    (feeling like being nice today).

  26. Sid

    “George Clooney sold his house to buy a tent full of Viagra. Last seen heading towards the Ozarks with his turn signal on.”

    I read this while having dinner and now my BRAND NEW laptop’s keyboard and monitor are coated with a sheen of aerosolized, micrometer-sized particles of spit and food. Damn you, Superficial Writer, damn you to hell…

  27. Ted from LA

    George is three of the 10 dullest people I know. If only he were more self-deprecating.

  28. Sid

    But seriously dude, I pitch a pup-tent in my pants every time you update this site. So here’s to you, you sexy superficial-writer, you!

    Many Thanks,
    A Strange Man on the Internet.

  29. Binky

    The ‘Binky on this page wasn’t me. Can’t even be bothered to read them sorry.

  30. Hecubus

    I’m not sure why but I find something incredibly creepy about a guy describing his sexual exploits with his ex girlfriend and then saying, ‘George will love it’. I mean really what the fuck is that ?? ‘Oh man, my ex’s new guy is gonna love having sex with her, I can’t wait to find out how much he liked it.’

  31. NY Ted

    Actually it was former fuck-mate old Squinty-eyes herself Zellwegger who made the anonymous phone call…she wants old dreamy eyes George back to herself…just take a look at the last photo she is in…if looks could kill…Sarah would be 6 feet under.

  32. Al

    Those pics were looking pretty good until I came to the one with squinty-eyed lemon-face Renee in it. Dayum she just uglies up the place!

  33. Grunion

    He forgot about the part where she straps it on and they play Owen and Jake.

  34. Binky

    in fact, i’m not sure if i’ve ever truly been me.

  35. Dirk Diggler

    She looks half Asian. Am I wrong? Sorta Tia Carrerra looking. Guess Georgie Porgie is just acting out his Wayne’s World fantasies with a chick crazier than a porn star. Lucky bastard.

  36. RENEE

    I don’t thinks she’s very pretty…but then I don’t think he’s very attractive either; George Chinny-chin-chin Clooney is SOOO overrated.

  37. Kimberly

    Why the long face, Sarah? Why do her teeth look more buck than usual in these pics? These are not flattering at all.

  38. If George Clooney likes to fuck this girl, who are we to question him?

  39. temp

    she looks sooooooooo asian in these pictures (more than usual).
    i wonder what her ethnicity is. mix of something?

    anyway, she looks prettier than usual here.
    and george looks worse than usual.

    ho hum. at least they look happy!
    even if it is posed. haha.

  40. LL

    I’d guess he was more alarmed about getting a phone call at his home from an unknown person (ie, I assume his number is unlisted) than anything the person might have said. Which is why he “launched” an investigation (if the story is to be believed).

    Unless the call is coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. In which case, run, George, get out of the house!!!!!

    Whew, that was a close one…

  41. RENEE

    Since some people are on the topic of the question of someone looking asian…what I want to know is…is the actor Joseph Gordon Levitt not asian???!! Like not at all? I just assumed he was half asian or something…and then I read that he’s not asian AT ALL. There was no real mention of ethnicity, just that he’s jewish. Does anyone know if its true that he really isn’t even a tad bit asian?? I am in disbelief, as he looks like he’s related to Bruce&Brandon Lee. Oh yeh, and he’s pretty hot too. I just hope he’s not gay, like his character in Mysterious Skin (that movie seriously grossed me out). Anyways…sorry to fly off topic there folks; its just been naggin at me since I saw that film.

  42. What happens in Vegas never stays in Vegas

    If the caller was trying to scare George off, it failed. Coprophagous George likes her because she’s evil. Kinky sex is no longer enough for him. To spice things up for his jaded palate he needs the threat of murder, genital mutilation or being cheated out of his millions.

    P.S. Chasing down the phone caller and trying to trace the number = BULLYING ASSHOLE in self-deprecating clothing.

  43. Hannah T

    NOT a good picture of Renee…..

    Um, am I the only person who doesn’t get the whole George Clooney thing?? The guy looks oldddd…..always has done!

    Bored already.

  44. Josh

    Wasn’t she just jumping some guy at a party?

    It’s not like she’s a keeper.

  45. lori

    She looks pretty good for someone in regurgitated form.

  46. Anal Fistula

    @44 thanks for the coprophagia reference. so much for dessert.

    that woman is all kinds of hott. sexy as hell.

  47. Mama Pinkus

    that gal is a skank but poor George is looking a bit used up himself

  48. She's cute

    This chick is cute, but Kim Kardashian is WAY hotter and cuter.

  49. I don’t remember any Indian classical dance called Orissi. Isn’t it Odyssey?

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