George Clooney told to ditch his girlfriend

The Superficial / April 7, 2008

George Clooney received an anonymous phone call at home telling him to curb his girlfriend Sarah Larson. The voice on the line said “Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you’re sorry!” Clooney and his chin didn’t take well to this offense and launched an investigation, according to Page Six:

Clooney, who discounts the possibility one of his pals played a joke on him – “It’s not a prank – none of my friends would do that” – called in the fuzz. With the help of his rent-a-cop chauffeur, he had the caller’s number traced to a pre-paid cellphone, then tried to find out if the suspect had paid by credit card to pin him down. But the investigation apparently dead-ended.

Sarah’s past has already came back to haunt her when pictures of her getting freaky last summer in Vegas surfaced online. And now her ex-boyfriend Tommy McKaughan shared details of their crazy forest love-making with yesterday’s News of the World:

“I’ll never forget the many nights we spent cuddled up in our little tent. Sarah would bring her crystals and ease away my aches and pains with healing ceremonies.
“She learned how to perform the classical Indian dance Orissi. George will love it. She’d play her bongos, put some oriental music on and start these incredibly sexy moves like belly dancing. Then we’d devour each other–in the tent AND outside. Neither of us are shy about our bodies and we had some of our best times rolling in the grass.”

Why does Sarah Larson’s ex-boyfriend talk like a bad porno writer? He’s going to have to come up with more believable characters than a bongo-playing belly dancer. That’s not sexy. What if she played a ukulele instead? But it had boobs – and the right one could talk! This is too good for nature boy. Get me Hollywood on the line. “Hello, Hollywood? I’ve done it again. A ukelele with talking boobs. Too real? Damn.”

UPDATE: George Clooney sold his house to buy a tent full of Viagra. Last seen heading towards the Ozarks with his turn signal on.

Photos: Getty Images