George Clooney: Make me babies

December 20th, 2005 // 30 Comments

tn_george_clooney_premiere_cr.jpgGeorge Clooney must be gay because he has no understanding of human pregnancy. Unless he plans to steal TomKat’s baby machine and turn it to level “Nublex 6,” he’s going to be sadly disappointed with his demand on some poor unsuspecting woman’s uterus.

“I want to be married with six kids by next year. I want six little sextuplets around but I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions.”

I have a better idea. Why don’t we just give the babies of Ben Affleck, Gwen Stefani, Matt Damon, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise and Gwyneth Paltrow to George. He reaches part of his goal, and I don’t have to stay up at night worrying if K-Fed is spending the kid’s trust fund on weed and throwback jerseys. Or hell, if that doesn’t work, Clooney can just steal kids from third world countries like Brangelina.


  1. hafaball

    Or he could have sex with six woman guys…use your heads. Then he might come up with more then six…7 or 8…well, close enough. But yeah, since his best friend is Brad Pitt, the idea of him just ordering a baby off the Jolie Adoption Menu doesn’t sound that far off.

  2. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    George Clooney doesn’t really mean it anyway… if that’s what he REALLY wanted, he would have it, he’s George Clooney… He could get it done.

    I hope he picks cuter kids than Brangelina, I hate to say it but that daughter is gonna be ugly, no doubt, and Maddox will be short and probably have a Napolean complex… the least he can do is pick a hot kid, look at Sean Lennon, you think people would learn.

  3. Leslie

    I am fairly confident that both the kids will be brilliantly attractive. Obviously, faces change, but Zahara’s bone structure is looking good, and any little boy that grows up with a mohawk and a leather bomber jacket is automatically going to be gorgeous.

  4. Mermaid

    Pity poor George. He must be getting lonely and senile is his old age.

  5. HollyJ

    He said he wanted “sextuplets,” which makes it pretty clear that he wants to get six kids in one pregnancy. I mean, adopting six kids, or having six kids by six different women, ISN’T a sextuplet.

    Years ago, this would be impossible, but NOW (thank god for fertility drugs gone awry), a litter of six is within the realm of possibility.

    I say, good luck to you George. You can afford six kids, so why not? I’m sure there are already women applying for the position (no pun intended by ‘position’).

  6. Zanathon

    I vote HollyJ for Superficial editor!
    The #5 post was far superior to the official one on the home page.

    George can SO make this wish happen. All he has to do is break out his Black American Express card and sanction a mad scientist to clone his “Looney” Clooney self six times. That way he can honestly say that he doesn’t love one lil’ George more than the other.

  7. Georgia

    He should definitely get custody of P.Spears and x.Cruise. For the safety of the child.

  8. People he wasn’t serious. I’m not gay but if there were one guy I would let…..

  9. AmberDextrose

    Have you guys noticed that the only women who sail through multiple pregnancies are pretty hefty? He’d better grit his teeth before humping the kinda gel who’ll pop out 6 with no problems!

  10. Jules

    You’ve been suckered. George Clooney has made it clear in previous interviews he does not want ANY children. I’m sure he’s laughing at any journalist or gossip reporter who picked up this blurb and took it seriously.

  11. Popz9

    it’s not that he doesn’t want any children.. it’s that he’s too old to get it up long enough for anyone to impregnant her…

  12. nikki

    could it be that he’s making fun of his best friend’s ex-wife (aka sour-faced Ms. Aniston) who’s been running around blathering on and on about wanting to get knocked up next year? ha ha ha. good one Georgie. :-)

  13. splinter9

    I hope he at least puts his genes into the pool. Branjelina have denied future generations access to their genotype, at the same time BritFed are ‘doubling down’ their mutations. At least Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise won’t push their genetic material any further down the line…

  14. theyareidiots

    I agree with Jules. He’s said many times before that he doesn’t want to get married and doesn’t think he’d be a good father. He was being sarcastic and typically literal dumbasses took that crap seriously.

    Another well-played practical joke by Clooney.

  15. I’m having fun pretending that Brangelina is a third world country where little orphans are harvested to service the familial whims of the famous.

  16. mikeski

    Six little sextuplets…so he wants 36 kids?

    Although, I’d be willing to do my part by slowly strangling NYC transit worker jagoffs until I’ve killed enough parents to get him his 36 kids. ‘Cause I’m just that type of giver.

  17. Mary45

    Well just maybe he meant to say puppies – yep 6 little puppies…

  18. brideoffrank

    I’m with Jules on this one, one of the things I liked about him was that he was always saying how he never plans to get married thus increasing my chances for a shag.

  19. chibanii

    George Clooney is foine.

    True Story.

  20. ki

    For the love of God, George Clooney. This is #178 on the list of reasons you should have sex with me. I’m as fertile as the Nile delta, baby. Look, I’m smart. I made a coherent analogy. Do me.

  21. Captain Awesome

    ^^^ lol @ ki’s comment

    All the great work hes contributed to the industry, i’d say give the man his own sweatshop full of babies, dead or live ones.

    Doesnt matter.

  22. Craig & "em"

    I think George meant to say that he wants to marry 6 sextuplets with kids or as my people would say “I take care of MY kids”!

  23. bluecanary

    If my husband wanted me to jack up fertility drugs and pop out a litter of kids, I’d kick his ass down a flight of stairs. Even if he was George Clooney (who looks like a used car salesman,anyway).

    And Sean Lennon was not adopted.

  24. s u g a r b a y b e e

    Blue canary is right… Sean Lennon was John Lennons son with his first wife.

    George Clooney is fuckn hot but… I don’t know if id want 6 kids.. Maybe if it were John Stamos.

  25. bluecanary

    Um, Sean Lennon was John Lennon’s son with his SECOND wife, Yoko Ono. Julian Lennon is Lennon’s son with his first wife. Surely you can see the resemblance between the ugly Sean and the equally unattractive Yoko?

  26. toby1319

    Clooney’s remark sounds like a Brad (Insta-Dad) Pitt meat crack. Or a drunken quip he made heading out the door for his Dream Police duties.

  27. derekd

    When will this guy make a public comment without trying to sound witty? Give it up George its just not you. You’ll always be whats-his-face on the Facts of Life to me.

  28. HollyJ

    He MIGHT be attractive if he got his mandible down to only 125% the size of his forehead.

  29. Geoge Clooney does not like women.
    If you watch the comments part of the DVD “Good Night and Good Luck”, this becomes obvious.
    His real connection is to his cowriter and producer Grant Heslov. Neither one wanted to have any women in the movie, but were forced to by the money people. So they had one woman character. His other comments are often quite misogynistic. Check it out.

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