George Zimmerman Is Randomly Guarding Businesses Now, Oh Good

The Superficial / July 30, 2014

“George, they infiltrated the police, George. We’re sitting ducks.”
“There’s a gun inside my rectum. You know what to do.”

When we last left George Zimmerman, he was attempting to make money by competing in underground fight clubs to benefit The Trayvon Martin Foundation (You just read all of those words.), so you’ll be happy to know that didn’t work and he’s homeless and broke. Well, broke monetarily, but not in spirit because, you see, there’s been some break-ins in Florida lately, so George has taken it upon himself to see they don’t happen again by acting as a sort of self-appointed night-watch which ended super awesome the last time that happened provided your definition of awesome is using a gun for the exact reason it was purchased: Killing black people over something. Literally anything. Radar reports:

It was discovered Zimmerman was guarding the shop just after midnight early Monday morning when a police officer found the former neighborhood watch crusader inside the store.
Zimmerman reportedly told the officer “he was watching the business due to a recent burglary” for his friend, the store’s owner, Pat Johnson.

Except Pat Johnson is running for mayor and would like it known that not only did he not hire George Zimmerman as a security guard, the dude just started sitting outside in his truck on his own. WESH 2 News reports:

Johnson, who is running for mayor in DeLand, confirmed to WESH 2 News that he befriended Zimmerman last summer but said he did not hire him to do security work.
He said Zimmerman has sat outside of his store several times on his own lately.

As for that befriending business, Gawker reports Pat Johnson gave George Zimmerman a free handgun once he found out it was taking Zimmerman too long to get the PF-9 back he used to kill Trayvon Martin, so that well thought-out decision hasn’t spectacularly back-fired. Shit, he’s practically primed and ready to shoot an honest-to-God Negro right outside Pompano Pat’s! Can you imagine those poll numbers? This is Florida we’re talking about. Fuck mayor, they’ll have to crown him king.

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