George Zimmerman’s Wife Filed For Divorce

Sad news, Freedom Lovers. The George Zimmerman fiasco has finally claimed a casualty: A marriage. A straight marriage. I could barely stir my arugula tea while listening to NPR this morning, it made me so sick. Turns out George’s wife Shellie Zimmerman stood by his side while he was on trial for murdering Trayvon Martin (Fun Fact: He went out on patrol that night after they had an argument that ended in her fleeing to her father’s house, so fortunately that worked out for everyone because, wow, talk about a recipe for disaster, amirite?), yet according to ABC News, he couldn’t be bothered to show up for her hearing after she perjured herself for him because he’s “changed” and thinks he’s “invincible” now. Which I don’t know what her deal is because those are exactly the kind of words you want to hear about a man speeding aimlessly across the country while stockpiling guns. America can finally stop locking its doors at night, but I guess that’s not good enough for Shellie. Fortunately, she’s not going to get her terrorist-loving hands the money we all agreed at Cracker Barrel to send to George so he’s never unarmed and, God willing, shoots another black kid which is why I made you chip in extra, Ted. Ain’t no point if that shit don’t PAY, mothafucka. BOOM.

Except, oh wait, she is. Goddammit. TMZ reports:

According to divorce docs that will soon be filed by Shellie Zimmerman, she claims she’s getting $4,300 a month in living expenses from the Zimmerman Legal Defense Fund. The couple separated August 13th.
According to the solicitation on PayPal … the fund is to be used “for George Zimmerman’s ongoing living expenses, legal costs, and fees for this matter.”
Now it gets a little more complicated. George Zimmerman’s official legal defense website says, “Currently George and Shellie are renting a secure residence at a reasonable rate. Their day-to-day living expenses are relatively modest as they want to preserve as many funds as possible for an aggressive defense.”
But here’s the thing. He won almost 2 months ago, and the site raised more than $300,000. He may still owe money to his lawyers, but the case is over and it’s a little weird the $4,300 a month is going to Shellie individually … not the legal team.

While this looks like a suspiciously shady cash grab, I don’t think anyone regardless of how they felt about the Trayvon verdict disagrees that this guy is more than likely an abusive sonofabitch with definite anger/impulse issues. Not to mention she earned a chunk of moron money for living in constant fear that this might happen:

“Hey, George, I finished cleaning the chimney, but now I have soot all over my fac-“


Photos: Getty