George Zimmerman Is Doing Celebrity Boxing Now

January 31st, 2014 // 40 Comments
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When we last left George Zimmerman, he was cornering the market on gun nuts with $100,000 to blow on murderous shitbag art which somehow no one’s figured out is money laundering yet. Then again, Florida. Except now he’s turned his attention to celebrity boxing, the sport of kings and vagina kickers alike, and more importantly, one of the few remaining venues in Obama’s America where you’re allowed to assault black people who, God willing, will end up being Mike Tyson. Radar Online reports:

“Prior to the incident [Ed. Note: "You know, that thing where I shot a kid. NBD."] I was actually going to the gym for weight loss and doing boxing-type training for weight loss and a mutual friend put me in contact with Damon and provided me with an opportunity and motivation to get back in shape and continue with my weight loss goals and also be able to help a charity out.”
While Zimmerman didn’t confirm or deny if he was getting paid to put on the boxing gloves, he did tell Radar that some of the proceeds will go to a charity.
“I’d love to tell you [the charity] but unfortunately there’s so much animosity still from people out there, that if I name the charity now they would get bombarded with negativity, so I’d rather not,” he said.
“I’ll leave it up to them to say if they want it to be publicized or not. But I will tell you that it’s an animal rescue.”

“Alright, George, now to sell this thing we gotta make it look like it’s about charity, so what’ll it be: under-privileged kids, after-school programs, a local food bank?”
“Dogs.”
“Dogs?”
“Dogs.”
“Don’t you want to do something that helps people?”
*drops Derringer into boxing glove* “Nope.”

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Photo: Getty

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  1. “I’ll leave it up to them to say if they want it to be publicized or not. But I will tell you that it’s an animal rescue.”

    “Michael Vick called me the other day with a great opportunity!”

  2. Pete

    I’d love to see him in the ring with Mike Tyson.

    Mike, you know what to do.

  3. Deacon Jones

    This guy is going to get his ass kicked.

  4. buzz

    Forget Mike Tyson. Get him in the ring with one of Trayvon’s family members.

  5. elephantman

    What a loser!

  6. Cock Dr

    First you do something awful and bad….like killing someone or making a movie like “Pearl Harbor”.
    And then you use your notoriety to make money.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …i know for a fact that the celebrities are promised between $5k – $10k for doing it (depending on how famous they are, i guess) …and damon feldman takes a chunk for himself… (legally, i think you only need to donate 10% of the proceeds to qualify for that “charity” status, so…)

  7. Grandizer

    Umm a 160 lb teenager kicked your ass well enough that to win, you had to pull out a gun and murder him. So yes, I want to see you box and get your karma handed too you. In fact I hope the ref gets hit as well and is not available to stop the fight.

    • You raise a good point. If it turns out that Zimmerman can really box, maybe his story about Trayvon overpowering him will be looked at newly askance. Because recent history shows that the side of the ideological spectrum which supports Zimmerman can be swayed by facts and logic.

  8. Bane

    And the concession stand will be selling hoodies, Skittles and Arizona Iced Tea.

  9. it had to be said

    I wouldn’t beat his ass. You know he’d shoot me . . .

  10. somebody better pat zimmerman down after he gets in the ring.

  11. Juch

    If they put him in the ring with Jaden Smith, I won’t know who to cheer for . . .

  12. cc

    Some people are too dumb to help themselves. If I were him, I’d have disappeared into obscurity not sough more notoriety.

    Reminds of this buffoon that appeared on Judge Judy. His roommate was suing him for lost rent and property damage because the police raided their home. He was dealing pretty significant quantities of pot. So JJ asks him if he went to jail, to which the answer was ‘no’…naturally she asks why and he said he co-operated with the police (basically becoming an informer). She was incredulous and she asked him ‘Do you still live in that neighborhood?!!’ and he just goes ‘Yes’. So JJ looks over at Byrd and goes ‘Oyoyoy’. Yup, the guy admitted in front of Judge Judy’s entire viewing audience that he was a snitch. I can’t help but wonder if she’s still alive.

    Anyway, he and George Zimmerman are both about as smart.

  13. And of course he’s using a motherfucking Hotmail account. That is by FAR the worst of his numerous crimes.

  14. Slappy Magoo

    If shooting an unarmed teenager makes you a celebrity nowadays, blowing up a Baptist Church in Birmingham would probably land you People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive cover.

  15. malaka

    here’s my fight predictions:
    sean william scott’s little brother from role models has zimmerman on the ropes 15 seconds into the 1st round, just before zimmerman pulls out a gun and shoots his opponent in the chest.

  16. Mitch

    Trayvon was totally innocent and just a little child on the way home from the candy store. He never did anything illegal in his life and was a golden boy, the kind of child every parent wants to have before that horrible, murderous thug Zimmerman just decided to shoot him in the back while he sat there quietly eating his skittles.

  17. EDWARD ELIZABETH HITLER

    The black cop in the background is sayin’ it ALL with his eyes. I can hear him thinking “If I could get this walking twinky alone with a rubber hose full of quarters for 10 minutes…”

  18. whatthe

    A fat guy sweating heavily and wheezing while trying to punch someone. Is there an audience for that crap?

  19. Kim

    The funny thing is that this website is the ONLY place I read about this guy anymore. If the people who hated him quit giving him press, I think we’d all forget he existed entirely. It’s not like his art or boxing or whatever is newsworthy otherwise!

  20. rodzilla

    I’m all for giving people a chance to kick his ass, but PLEASE do not call George Zimmerman a celebrity

  21. A True Patriot!

    Ah, George, a defender of our libertee and freedom of speech, along with our lovely Sarah from Alaska, will lead God’s chosen people thru the jungles of Hispanics, gay marriage, and socialized medicine into the paradise of freedom!

  22. “…and also be able to help a charity out.”

    Still collecting money for his…ahem…ahem…”defense fund,” I see.

  23. How about putting him inside a large cage with a wild Tiger and getting him to tame it ( without being able to shoot it with his pistol)

  24. So, who’s the celebrity he’s supposed to box?

  25. juanhunglow

    I hope its against a black guy. bet on the black guy always bet on the black guy. anyway I am sure George will be spictacular anyone catch that slur?.

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