George Clooney Got Engaged

“Mr. Clooney, you’re aware that marriage means no new vagina, correct?
“I’m sorry, you said what now?”

Posted by Photo Boy

I guess today is going to just be crazy old white guys be crazy day with the news that George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin. Here’s as close to a confirmation that’s out there:

George and Amal are trying to keep things very low-key but they also aren’t really trying to hide this, it doesn’t seem. I think it’s like they want the people they love to know that this is real, that they plan on being together forever.

And by forever, I’m assuming that’s all of the six weeks he has to live based on his recent terminal cancer diagnosis. Or his dick is broken. George Clooney has terminal broken dick cancer, which is the only reasonable excuse for getting married. Guys, I am telling you not to get married unless tumors have rendered your penis incapable of finding its way into vaginas no older than 24 years. *reviews Fish’s ‘While I’m Gone To Do List: misogyny, check, making light of cancer deaths, check, multiple dick references, check*

Photo: Getty