George Clooney Got Engaged

April 28th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Two Weeks
Elisabetta Canalis George Clooney Break Up
Said Marriage, Was Gone In Two Weeks. He's Dying. Read More »

“Mr. Clooney, you’re aware that marriage means no new vagina, correct?
“I’m sorry, you said what now?”

Posted by Photo Boy

I guess today is going to just be crazy old white guys be crazy day with the news that George Clooney got engaged to Amal Alamuddin. Here’s as close to a confirmation that’s out there:

George and Amal are trying to keep things very low-key but they also aren’t really trying to hide this, it doesn’t seem. I think it’s like they want the people they love to know that this is real, that they plan on being together forever.

And by forever, I’m assuming that’s all of the six weeks he has to live based on his recent terminal cancer diagnosis. Or his dick is broken. George Clooney has terminal broken dick cancer, which is the only reasonable excuse for getting married. Guys, I am telling you not to get married unless tumors have rendered your penis incapable of finding its way into vaginas no older than 24 years. *reviews Fish’s ‘While I’m Gone To Do List: misogyny, check, making light of cancer deaths, check, multiple dick references, check*

Photo: Getty


  1. You summed it up perfectly. He must be dying or this woman’s vagina is laced with gold and cocaine. But if that was true, Lindsay Lohan would be eating her out 24/7.

  2. cc

    I am still trying to fathom what it’s like to get bored with fucking Stacy Keibler

  3. Judge Chamberlain Haller

    He’s old and eventually will need someone to hold his dick full time when he pees so why not get someone highly educated AND attractive.

  4. Well, she’s a handsome woman.

  5. Cock Dr

    He finally found a very pretty woman with superior intellect, she brings more to the table than just great legs & boobs. After decades of browsing the actress/model buffet George wants something more nutritious.

  6. tinafeystaintmole

    Well good for him I say. I like the guy. Makes good movies. And the lady in question is a human rights attorney not a trashy whore like he used to bang.

  7. Meh. She can have him.

  8. Stacey Keibler was better educated than Clooney, who attended two colleges but never graduated. Perhaps that was why George felt most comfortable with his previous girlfriends. I think he like the attention and credibility she is proving him

  9. argleblargle

    Pretty sure this is just another sign of a soon to be aborted apocalypse.

  10. I think he just keeps misreading her name as Anal and that sealed the deal.

  11. Mama Pinkus

    I won’t believe it until I hear it from him.

  12. I think George will make a good husband and (let’s hope) a father. At his age, he’s still young enough to marry and raise a child or two (with the help of nannies, cooks, maids, personal assistants and bodyguards, of course).

    George didn’t pick a bimbo. His future wife is smart, educated and independent.

    Unless this is one of Clooney’s more elaborate practical jokes, in which case, never mind.

  13. Smitty

    She’s a Hollywood’s liberal’s dream mate – she’s not American, she’s not Christian, is a lawyer, and is politically hip.

  14. Playtheblues

    The TOQ finally settles down. One question, who’s wearing the strap-on?

  15. Stacy Keibler Married Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


Leave A Comment