George Clooney Tried To Trade Stacy Keibler In For Eva Longoria

July 19th, 2013 // 23 Comments
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“So then I take the money, put it in argyle socks and hide them all over the house. Now, here’s the fun part: If you fuck me, I give you a map.”
“Ohmygod, I would love that.”

Apparently there’s more to George Clooney and Stacy Keibler breaking up than her just wanting marriage. Don’t get me wrong, it was still that and why he had to press the ejector button on his house, but he was also trying to bang Eva Longoria while still keeping Stacy around in case Eva had to work, leave town or take a phone call for a couple of minutes. You never know with women, amirite? Us Weekly reports:

A source close to the Oscar-winning actor, 52, tells Us Weekly exclusively that he unsuccessfully tried to woo the Desperate Housewives star, 38, while he was still dating Stacy Keibler. Friendly for years, Clooney and Longoria hung out at Soho House in Berlin — both were in Germany for work — this past March, “but did not hook up,” according to the insider.
After that, “George began pursuing Eva,” the source continues. “He told her that he was still with Stacy, but had plans to break up with her and was interested in being with Eva.”
While once-divorced Longoria resisted, the Descendants star “continued to pursue her with texts and calls. Eva make it clear to him that she would not date or be with him until he was completely single.”

Of course, it’s important to note that Eva Longoria has a new boyfriend who’s apparently started saying things like, “I could never marry a woman who had sex with George Clooney,” because the source went on to conveniently point this out:

As Clooney and Keibler’s romantic status appeared unchanged, Longoria found love with someone else: Ernesto Arguello, who starred in NBC’s cancelled dating reality show Ready for Love, which Longoria produced. “She is now very happy with him,” the source adds. “George and Eva never hooked up.”

When asked if this was true, George Clooney responded, “Pussy… pussy, fuck, home… pussy, fuck, home!” He’d later be found in the woods, pale and lifeless next to a stream. Only Elliot’s mom can save him now.

Photos: Getty


  1. Right. Eva Longoria passed up on an opportunity to star fuck the Cloons and increase her tabloid fame (Or her “brand” as every retarded celebrity “business” person refers to it now)? I highly doubt it.

  2. BigOkie

    How bad would it suck to be this Ernesto guy? Finally lands some sweet Hollywood-ish poon and now you get to compete with fucking George Clooney?

  3. English Teacher Anni

    The argyle socks and map thing made my freakin’ weekend.

    • Fish is an undisputed gem mine. Me, I’m just waiting for an opportunity to use “severance package that doesn’t include a shower curtain and a landfill”.

  4. Robb7

    I don’t see Clooney doing a little person. He likes ‘em long and lean!

  5. Kodos

    Guess the Desperate Housewives royalty checks aren’t rolling in quite as high as she expected.

    Not much to be had in slutty cat food ads, either.

    Good eye, George.

  6. Cock Dr

    Can’t blame the Cloonster for chasing her. She’s cute and looks very spinnable.

  7. catapostrophe

    This story only makes me wonder whether Tony Parker is also a closeted homosexual?

  8. right

    Eva just got out of a marriage with one homo. She is in no hurry to get into a relationship with another.

  9. She’s beautiful. Good eye, George

  10. Devilish Diva

    Longoria probably didn’t give him the time of day. Even after 2 failed marriages, she still believes in being married and having kids. Clooney clearly doesn’t want either and he’s looking rather long in the tooth. He looks like he could be her dad. Besides, he likes z-list bimbos. He likes ‘em dumb and grateful… doesn’t want a challenge.

  11. Rod Steele

    when is Clooney (and Seacrest and Cruise) gonna come out of the closet ?!

  12. Eva Longoria George Clooney
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wow! You have a penis and I love putting them inside me! What are the odds?”

  13. Eva Longoria George Clooney
    Commented on this photo:

    “I am going to dump my incredibly hot girlfriend to be with you. Will you be here when I get back?”
    “Good enough for me!”

  14. Eva Longoria George Clooney
    Commented on this photo:

    “You aren’t going to have sex with me? I dumped my model girlfriend for you!”
    “I didn’t think you were serious or that stupid.”

  15. kery

    This man is gross!! Dear George you are old stop dating girls that can be your daughters!! go on dates with women your age.

  16. Eva Longoria George Clooney
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is that your penis or are you just happy to see me?”

  17. richie

    “No, seriously George, hear me out on this. I’d be perfect for you. I have my own money and don’t want to get married or have kids!”

  18. Annie Hall

    Clooney is a creep, what do women see in him? Feel sorry for Stacy and all the other women he has thrown away. He just uses them. Maybe women will get smart and ignore him.

  19. I’d rather have Stacy for one night than Eva for 10 years. Stacy is one of the sexiest women on the planet. Eva has nothing.

  20. Eva Longoria George Clooney
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m wearing a ton of make-up” “me too hahahah”

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