One Of The Vikings In ‘How To Train Your Dragon 2′ Is Gay OH NO THE CHILDREN!!!

May 20th, 2014 // 64 Comments
Gobber Gay How To Train Your Dragon 2
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Last week, the world got to watch American right wingers absolutely lose their shit after Michael Sam had the nerve, the nerve, to kiss his boyfriend after being drafted to the St. Louis Rams. “Children might have been watching!” cried poor morning show host (and male stripper enthusiast) Amy Kushnir, another tragic victim of the gays shoving their agenda in everyone’s faces by behaving like human beings in a loving relationship. Where do they get off? (Don’t answer that. This is a family site.) And now comes word that one of the vikings in How To Train Your Dragon 2 will come out of the closet, so let’s all watch Dreamworks take the biggest fucking gamble in children’s movie history by basically daring the Christian right to start lighting theaters on fire. E! News reports:

Gobber (Craig Ferguson), the right-hand man to Berk tribal chief Stoick the Vast (Gerard Butler), comes out as gay in the much-anticipated Dragon sequel.
And he does it in the most subtle way. While watching a husband and wife bicker, Gobber says that’s why he never got married—and then he simply adds there’s one other reason.
He doesn’t explain anything further, but Dragon 2‘s openly gay writer and director, Dean DeBlois, confirms Gobber was talking about being a same-sex-loving Viking.
“When we were recording Craig Ferguson, I had written the line, ‘This is why I never got married,” and he, as he often does, added it as an ad lib and he said, ‘Yup, Gobber is coming out of the closet,’” DeBlois told me earlier today at the Cannes Film Festival while promoting the film at the Carlton Hotel. “I think that’s a really fun [and] daring move to put in. I love the idea that Gobber is Berk’s resident gay.”

Keep in mind, Republicans already think common core will turn kids gay, so I can’t even imagine how they’ll react to finding out a cartoon character doesn’t fuck women in the babyhole while Jesus watches in the corner. Better to let kids find out about homosexuals the natural way, the American way. Namely hearing someone on the bus say “faggot,” and then using that insult for the rest of their lives without giving a shit about its connotation. USA.

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  1. Well those Vikings did take extremely long boat rides together. In boats full of sweaty, virile men.

  2. Goose

    Fish, what newsletter do you subscribe to that would think this is newsworthy? Or what site are you reading? I know that sounds flippant but I’m honestly curious.

  3. Bringbackbabalu

    Fuck gay people, they are so fucking pathetic. All they do is try to start drama and get attention. Why don’t you go back in the fucking closet and don’t come out cause im sick of hearing all this gay drama. We get it, you are abominations to the human race, and you were just born that way! Who cares, go away I never wanna hear another fucking word about gays. Let them marry, let them play football, let them try to brainwash kids into thinking being gay is the cool think to do, and making it all political. And ya, I don’t care what anyone says, ESPN and every other retarded news outlet that made a huge deal of the guy being gay, and showing the pic or vid 1000 times because they are fucking making this guy out to be a freak…yet you try to tell people what to think, and blame everyone else. ESPN is so fucking wrong here, and if this is what it going to turn into…this guy shouldn’t have been allowed in the draft. Its about football, not fucking gays or politics. Also, the guy got drafted because he was gay and for attention, not because he was good.

  4. kenny

    It’s about as accurate as Vikings having horns on their helmets.

    • More accurate, really, because we at least know that the Vikings had terms for homosexuality, and that male Vikings engaged in it in the “Roman” fashion (i.e. it’s cool to be the top, but shameful to be the bottom)

  5. Cock Dr

    “Better to let kids find out about homosexuals the natural way, the American way.”
    The natural American way is via your neighborhood priest, church camp counselor, athletic coach or funny uncle.

  6. datass

    I’m fairly certain that we’re on the cusp of gay lifestyle appreciation being a central focus in early childhood education, ala reading, writing and math.

  7. Juch

    Kid movies already use product placement to advertise, why not also advertise left/right political shtick? Like in the recent “Sony product placement movie also starring Spiderman” our favorite web-slinger could have pondered “You know, if NYC had unrestricted concealed carry laws in place, your old pal Spidey might be able to get a break. Obama and the lefties killed Gwen Stacy!”.

  8. Blair

    Introducing sexuality of any kind into a movie whose primary audience will be children is wholely inappropriate.

    • it had to be said

      So, you objected to Tangled because Rapunzel and the Prince were clearly trying to pursue a romantic relationship? Also, Cinderella, Snow White, etc.? Because unless this movie shows them having man-on-man sex, it’s raising the “issue” in the same semi-oblique way kids movies have for 60 years.

      • Don’t get me started on the interracial shenanigans between Pocahontas and John Smith. And the quasi-inter-species tomfoolery between Ariel and Prince Eric.

      • I can’t wait for Blair to lay down the law about bestiality when it comes to Belle and her hairy love interest.

      • Damn. I can’t believe I forgot to mention Belle and Beast. Gotta go through my whole Disney catalog again. Here’s one to make up for it: WALL-E and EVE, the most genuine, artificial love in the universe.

      • Hey, don’t get me started on The Princess and the Frog – that’s more of that disgusting inter-species agenda, but even worse because the frog prince doesn’t even have a human top half, unlike Ariel. And Mulan just promotes more of that nasty trans-gender subversion that no child should be exposed to!

    • hamtime

      You’re right, let’s not deal with that taboo topic of sexuality, but this is Disney we’re talking about.
      In EVERY movie, the offspring has to deal with losing a parents / parents. They kill the parents off with alarming regularity. That’s OK for you?

      • The ones they don’t kill, they imprison. Dumbo scarred me for life, man.

      • I was wondering about that… it’s literally been about the last dozen Disney flicks where the parents bite it in the first 5 minutes. I guess there’s no room for the traditional family in today’s society.

      • hamtime

        “last dozen” nothing! You’ve seen Bambi, right? It all starts from Bambi.

      • It starts from Snow White. Pretty much every Disney princess movie involves the mother dying before the credits roll and the father remarrying to an evil bitch and then proceeding to turn a blind eye to her blatant child abuse because “hot piece of ass” > “parental responsibility.”

      • This is me being nitpicky, but just for the record How to Train your Dragon is from Dreamworks not Disney.

  9. Bubbles

    In Paranorman, the older jock-type brother is gay. At the end of the movie he says something about his boyfriend being into chick-flicks. I don’t remember reading any uproar about this at the time, but I am sure this shining example of the gay zombie agenda did not slip by.

  10. Short Round

    I honestly don’t care who’s gay, who’s not. *Insert “My best friend is gay… Well, one of my friends… OK, I know gays exist” line here* But I think all manners of sexuality should be kept away from kid programs. They are simply not equipped to handle these things. Teach your kids tolerance of all and when they grow up they’ll handle it themselves as they see fit.

    • Given you once stated, “Dr. Jones, no time for love.” I certainly see where you’re coming from.

    • it had to be said

      As I said above, Disney movies have had a love interest since the beginning of time. Unless you’re objecting to all of them, your “tolerance” seems more like intolerance in sheep’s clothing.

    • Oh, bullshit. Sexuality has always part and parcel of all kid programs and cartoons since forever and they “handle” it just fine, but since it’s heteronormative you aren’t even aware of it. Just what you think Pepe le Pew was on about back in the day, huh? Stop getting flustered about the thought of humping anyone outside your comfort zone and just think about the basics of attraction, which is something that kids get exposed to from the outset because Mickey loves Minnie Mouse. The ones who are straight don’t think twice about the omnipresent message of the princess wanting the prince (and vice versa), but if you’re a kid who’s not, it leaves you feeling disconnected at a very early age.

  11. Jack Hoff

    Have a mace for a hand must make fapping awfully painful.

  12. Trek Girl

    The problem with displaying homosexuality in children’s movies and media is that it presents homosexuality in a way that makes it seem natural and normal — natural and normal meaning how the body is designed to work — when in all reality that’s not how the human sexual organs are meant to be used.

    Basically, it’s providing children with misinformation about the human body. That is harmful.

    We don’t teach children that eating inedible substances is ok, or that putting their fingers and limbs into dangerous places is good, or that it’s healthy to ingest or come into contact with certain bodily fluids that come from other people — we recognize those harms and teach children about them.
    So why is it ok to teach and present feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that lead to the improper and harmful use of one’s sexual organs as acceptable, natural, and normal? Why is it ok to tell them in both direct and indirect ways that sexual practices that lead to injury and facilitate the spread of STDs and STIs are just fine? Why is it ok to teach them that using a body part the opposite of how it’s designed to be used is equal to using that body part in the way it’s designed to be used?

    Ignore religion, ignore Fox News — we know they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed — but don’t ignore biology. Don’t ignore what the design of the human body indicates, and what can plainly be seen and is explained clearly in any accurate book of human anatomy.

    This is why I’m opposed to putting homosexuality in children’s media in most cases: it misinforms them about the human body, and it’s functions.

    Teach them to be tolerant, and not to hate and mistreat, but don’t teach them to ignore the reality of their organs and the interplay of the human systems.

    • judgingyou

      I hate to break it to you, but people are born gay. So it is in fact “natural.” If we’re going the natural use of our sexual organs route, sex only when the woman is fertile (no birth control) and no masturbation, oh, and no anal for anyone, or oral. Fun, because at our most basic it’s about reproduction. But if we’re not going biblical, oral isn’t natural, I suppose; neither is birth control or heterosexual anal. All sex can lead to injury or the spread of STD’s and STI’s if you don’t know what you’re doing and/or are stupid about it, shocking, I know. WHAT ABOUT THE PROSTATE!?!?!?!?

      This tolerance lesson was and is such a bad idea. There’s nothing to tolerate, there’s nothing wrong or unnatural about being gay. Get the fuck over it, it’s natural and normal should have been the lesson. It wouldn’t be a problem for children if their homophobic parents would stop teaching that homosexuality is wrong, it wouldn’t traumatize them if their parents didn’t make it something that would. Hell, talk to your damn kid about sex so it isn’t something they don’t understand and have a fucked up relationship with. “Now, Billy/Janie, lube, condoms and preparation are key to whatever you’re going to try. Communication is also a priority, as is knowing what you’re doing.”

      I also doubt a young child knows what anal sex is and how it’s being taught to them. Besides, not all gay men practice anal sex.

    • Oh yes, teach them to be tolerant but be sure to emphasis that what they’re doing is unnatural and harmful. Spoken like someone who never had to think twice about being straight – and stopped all activity in that department almost immediately after that. I’d rather you were upfront about your bigotry and idiocy rather than layer it under a shit-ton of lip-service hypocrisy about not wanting to spread “misinformation”. Talk about “improper and harmful use” of an organ – take a good long look at what you just used your brain for.

      Since you’re bound and determined to interpret the Owner’s Manual and keep us away from all harm and liability, I assume you’re adamantly opposed to oral sex since it doesn’t involve putting p’s into v’s – and using an organ for anything else than it was strictly designed for is “improper and harmful”, amirite? Which, of course, means that breasts are only to be used for their mammary capabilities, and anyone handling or sucking on them who isn’t an infant requiring nourishment is contravening the “reality of the organ’? Hey, good to know. I’m sure we’ll all live much better, well-adjusted lives by following your Big Book of Anatomy advice. (Oh, yeah – nice conflation of STD’s and homosexuality, btw – because, of course, straight people never gave each other any sort of diseases when they were just following anatomical purposes, amirite? Yup, must’ve been those gay people misusing their organs again.)

      Now go look up the root of “natural” and explain just how your definition of “biology” – which you’ve simplistically reduced to mean “reproduction” – squares with the homosexual/ bisexual/non-reproductive sexual behavior that’s been observed in animals and birds.

      While Fox News watchers may not be the sharpest implements in the shed, you’re far and away the biggest tool. Take a bow.

    • Trek Girl, have you ever even met a kid before?

      • Trek Girl is far too busy trying to figure put if picking her nose with her fingers is actually the opposite of using those body parts in the way they’re designed to be used. Science is fucking hard, man.

    • hamtime

      “misinformation”? So in your world all of the good girls are beautiful princesses with awesome figures, incredible hair, doe eyes and voluptuous lips?
      Phew, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I couldn’t bear it when Mom told me that wasn’t like real life.

  13. Pretty certain “ParaNorman” had the first openly gay character in a family animated feature – and it wasn’t even as subtle as what “Dragon 2″ did here.

    Yet, the world kept turning afterward… I guess bigots just have to get upset about something.

  14. Just about every Disney animated movie villain ever has been overtly effeminate. So I dont’ think it’s fair to say this is a big deal, or anything new. This is just the first time the gay character wasn’t evil. Maybe a bit shallow.

    • Uh, Shan Yu in Mulan? Hades in Hercules? Not feeling the effeminacy there. Disney even made a point about overcompensation with Gaston’s character in Beauty and the Beast.

      I know this theory is out there, but I think it’s BS. I think it’s a case of conflating gay with more sophisticated or cultured-sounding villains, rather than brute thugs, ever since George Saunders was the drawling voice of Shere Khan in Jungle Book. Jeremy Irons just followed in his footsteps as Scar in Lion King. You can claim English=gay all day long, but to me those characters come off as more oily and powerfully menacing under a velvet exterior than any animated version of a Whitey Bulger tough-guy would. Jafar in Aladdin does sort of reminds me of Clifton Webb, but I think that’s more about the mustache than it is any actual mincing.

  15. You think Peter Pan was trying to get to Wendy just because he liked what kind of panties she wore?

  16. I’m guessing that anyone getting pissed about this has never watched a cartoon movie with a child. They aren’t going to care and will likely barely even notice. Everyone take a deep breath and let the kids have a childhood.

  17. The dumb fuck who wrote this blurb thinks anyone who would be disgusted by a man smearing cake all over his boyfriend’s face then necking with him, must be a right wing christian.
    How heinously stupid. No doubt, showbiz is chock full of brainless, shit-filled assholes… poked by cock.
    Haven’t seen any first round picks smearing their girlfriend’s face with cake, then necking with her.
    This shit-filled stunt was planned in advance and was to be part of a reality show. Those of you falling all over the place for queers are comical to those of us who are better than you.

    • Those of you falling all over the place for queers are comical to those of us who are better than you.

      Yeeeaaah, you just keep on telling yourself that. Funny how that natural superiority just seems to need constant affirmation all over the fucking place, huh?

    • “The dumb fuck who wrote this blurb thinks anyone who would be disgusted by a man smearing cake all over his boyfriend’s face then necking with him, must be a right wing christian.”

      Not necessarily. Lots of you are just inbred morons from flyover states with no particular religious or party affiliation to fuel your blind ignorance and raging bigotry.

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