Gavin Rossdale Is Still Trying To Bang Elin Nordegren

When she found out Tiger Woods was cheating on her with as many prostitutes as he could fit in a Subway parking lot, Elin Nordegren beat the shit out of his car and face with a golf club. So, she’s awesome. Fast-forward to September of last year when it was widely reported that she’d gone on a date with nanny diddler, Gavin Rossdale which left everyone asking, “Fucking WHY?!” Turns out that was mostly bullshit, because they’ve just been texting this whole time. Via The Sun:

During his first Bizarre guest-edit, Gavin told me: “A friend was, like, ‘You have to meet Elin. She’s amazing.’ He was trying to connect us.

“So I texted her a couple of times to say hello. She lives in Florida. She’s a really great girl. But I’ve never met her.”

Gavin is under pressure from his young sons Kingston, Zuma and Apollo to find a new partner — but worries his family baggage could put Elin off.

But he says: “I look at my boys running around the house with Nerf guns and throwing footballs and think, ‘How would anyone survive?’

“I’d be like, ‘Oh, sorry about that — someone’s just sat on your sunglasses’.

“And for these last two years, not to be with anyone, it’s been really healthy for me.”

But eager to get back in the swing of things, he has now recruited me for some help — saying: “You can be my wingman, Dan!” With LA-based Gavin in the UK for The Voice, though, it will be even longer before he can arrange a date with Elin.

I’m no expert on the lingo you kids are using on the social medias these days, but I believe what happened there is Elin curved the shit out of his grimy ass right into the friend zone. I’m talking she was straight up like:

“Yo, Elin you should meet my friend. He cheated on his hot wife with the woman who cared for their children.”

Elin:

Conceited Meme

Yep, this is what we’re doing with the internet now, so those nukes, anytime. We’re past ready.

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