Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:
Price said height wasn’t a consideration because, “He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet.” Still, the relationship isn’t without its problems. “He lets his anger conquer him sometimes,” Price admitted. “He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.”
I don’t see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That’s the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where’s my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.
deaconjones | February 13, 2008 at 3:02 pm
First you short retarded farting cunts.
Heroiny | February 13, 2008 at 3:05 pm
The apocalypse is surely upon us.
FRIST!!! | February 13, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Love the 80′s vest…note the “Roots” emblem…WTC???
That little dude’s scary. I wouldn’t marry him with a ten foot pole!!
digdug | February 13, 2008 at 3:08 pm
follow the yellow brick road.
Costco:It's What's For Dinner | February 13, 2008 at 3:09 pm
That jacket makes him look short.
Costco:It's What's For Dinner | February 13, 2008 at 3:12 pm
His story is the same sad one as the Munchkins of the 1940s. Never hire a midget to do a grown man’s job. It only gets their hopes up and then the rest of us have to look at the depressing photos for the next 20 years.
Anign | February 13, 2008 at 3:15 pm
That’s what fell out of Tyra’s butt at the fashion show.
D. Richards (Hands.) | February 13, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Oh, isn’t Gary just the cutest little cowboy you’ve ever seen?! ‘OMG’, Whook-w’at-whim, he’s just so cute; I wanna put him in my pocket.
Women, imagine yourself having intercourse with (…) Gary Coleman. What kind of gratification could one possibly achieve through sex with (…) Gary Coleman?! His chapped lips on your body. His ashy penis rubbing against your lower thighs — dripping it’s pre-juice. The sex. A facial! What do you suppose it would be like to have Gary ejaculate on to your face? Boy.
Hey, some people are desperate.
JJ | February 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Does he ride a pony or is that too big?
D. Richards (Biologist.) | February 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm
#7! Ha-Ha-Ha! Nice.
rustynail | February 13, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Rides a Bronco?
I am sure they mean “drives a white ford Bronco”
Gerald_Tarrant | February 13, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Funny story about Gary. He came in to the motorcycle shop I used to work at and tried to sell his motorcycle. I say motorcycle but it was a Honda Rebel 250, which barely qualifies as a motorcycle. Anyway, he came strolling up the walk to the show room and the salesmen went running, apparently Gary had a temper. Let it be said that I have never been scared of any midget, so I took the up. He was cool, didn’t really care, didn’t get worked up that we wouldn’t buy his baby bike. Seemed like a real nice kid.
Jimbo | February 13, 2008 at 3:31 pm
@11 Was there a large black man in the back seat holding gun to his head??
The Office Whore | February 13, 2008 at 3:33 pm
D. Richards. I hate you. In the sweetest way possible. yak.
nipolian | February 13, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I have never seen the movie Brokeback Mountain…..But this is what I picture the cowboys looking like.
PS #7 – LMFAO…..that’s fucking hilarious.
Auntie Kryst | February 13, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Fish, when you say riding a bronco are we talking those kiddie rides outside of the grocery store?
P.S. I’m what Willis was talkin’ bout.
deaconjones | February 13, 2008 at 3:42 pm
He looks like a Nazi from the waist down, whats he trying to say?
misery bunny | February 13, 2008 at 3:44 pm
this is my favorite story of all time. he’s got wedding photos with his ginger bride too.
every six months i get a mormon catalog for the previous resident. instead of imitation designer cologne, they’ve got imitation hollywood movies, i guess b/c mainstream movies are no-no’s. hey, mormons gotta have fun too! coleman’s in some imitation “dodge ball” mormon film. i have nothing further to say.
IKE | February 13, 2008 at 3:44 pm
That BRONCO is the 22 year old that this tiny old geezer’s got as a wife!
OK, 40 doesn’t classify him as a geezer….it just slipped out. Hmmm, I wonder how Tyra’s doing.
whatever | February 13, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Wait, he married a bronco?
DUMB BITCHES MAKE ME SICK | February 13, 2008 at 4:20 pm
so is height a problem or not? why does she say it doesn’t matter then says he’s taller to her because of how he is inside? why not say he’s perfect as he is? dumb bitch.
A. Bitterman | February 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Black midgets, blonde chicks from Utah, horses, lost virginity. Man, this sounds like a bad porn flick.
Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 4:27 pm
“Hey, some people are desperate.”
And that includes you, D. Richards, and your ongoing attempts to be witty and relevant.
Superevil | February 13, 2008 at 4:29 pm
No pics of his yeti wife?
Mark | February 13, 2008 at 4:30 pm
He is such a despicable turd!!!
lys | February 13, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I’d let that little man crawl up my ass and pleasure me like a giant gerbil or loving fist!
D. Richards (Unfunny.) (Obviously.) | February 13, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Fuck. Anonymous is on me like a fly buzzing ’round a steaming cowpie.
Hey, Anons, I say the same thing to Jesus.
D. Richards | February 13, 2008 at 5:02 pm
#14. I hate myself as well.
Spiraticus | February 13, 2008 at 5:26 pm
#5 made me lmao!
Spiraticus | February 13, 2008 at 5:28 pm
#5 made me lmao!
D. Richards please die (seriously) | February 13, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Everyone here is sick of you and imagines the horrid extension of what has never been your life grinding down to it’s inevitable conclusion. False teeth getting looser as the gums recede, the hair and scalp flakes falling out from your head onto and into your ragged keyboard, corn yellow toenails rotting at the ends of your fungus infected feet, tears of lonliness running like canals all over the deep wrinkles of your worn and haggard face, ear wax, snot, unshowered crotch odor, plates of half eaten food surrounding your outdated pc with roaches running in all directions (imagine folks the erratica of such peripheral visual assault!), the phone next to your keyboard that never rings. It never rings (why won’t someone in the name of Jesus – or whatever godless maniacs implore to in the dread of every night’s ritual of terror)!
I hope the people – ahhh the other people – (he could pray to them for love) are amused by this rant, by that quip, how about that cruel blasphemy or concoction of angst-induced agression to the people? (He breathes raggedly and snorts in his viscious excitement) Will this seem sufficiently nasty? Dick Dicks loves to hurts the other peoples. Nasty peopleses!
He waits all night too read their reactions to his assaults. Til late late he can no longer keep his ghastly long neck vertical, the head slumps and rest on his pillow (keyboard) where it rests until the morn.
Chris | February 13, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Getting in fights with fans. Selling his pants for money on Ebay, etc, etc..what a loser. This young girl sure knows how to pick ‘em. The whole thing is wrong on every level possible. Eeeew.
Anonymous | February 13, 2008 at 6:22 pm
#31:
FUCK YES!! You hit the nail on the head a thousand time over. You can bet that moron is furiously trying to come back with a clever retort, but no way can he top what you just wrote. Hats off to you, my friend.
Famous Plastic | February 13, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Let me guess, his wife is a wannabe actress/model. I mean….They must really be in love!!!
UNCLE NED | February 13, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Aww, what a cute little outfit he’s wearing.
Anyway, hope it works out and no one gets killed in the process.
Wife | February 13, 2008 at 8:11 pm
What no picture of the Mrs.
This is just plain wrong. How can we have any real fun with this story without a pix of his little wifee.
Superfish Dude, this story is only half-baked without seeing his better half.
AZ Cowgirl | February 13, 2008 at 8:14 pm
He sure is a cute little cowpoke, but he’s no Buffalo Soldier.
TexasCougar | February 13, 2008 at 8:26 pm
I’d fuck him.
whoa | February 13, 2008 at 8:27 pm
#7 = best post. one-liners rock.
Sing a Song | February 13, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Where have all the Cowboys gone…..
nice | February 13, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Who cares this? I need to date my new girl on Richkiss.com. She’s a hot model with pretty face. I love her much. We’ll have a nice chat and a good time there. See you then.
Dick Dicks (Small.) | February 13, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Ha-Ha! #31 is by far my favorite basher.
magpie | February 13, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I saw some shit about him on the news with the audio on mute, but if the red head is his wife she’s fucking hot & I never thought I’d say this shit but Gary Coleman well fucking done sir well fucking done. She’s hot HOTTTTT!!!!!
D. Richards (Whore.) | February 13, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Shit, Mag. Did you see the teeth on Gary’s skuzz?
If you did, then you wouldn’t be saying red’s ‘hot’. Intensely gapped teeth; much gum.
Also, for those of you that aren’t aware, Gary’s wife is borderline retarded.
Janine | February 14, 2008 at 5:42 am
Wow, did you say he ‘finally lost his virginity?’ I sincerely hope that is a joke!!!!!!!
Benson the black | February 14, 2008 at 7:14 am
That kneegar is EPIC FAIL!
D. Richards | February 14, 2008 at 9:15 am
I forgot to mention:
Gary is one very handsome lawn jockey. Hooray!
Anonymous | February 14, 2008 at 10:57 am
Hey D. Richards,
Why are you even here? You were owned so badly by #31 I didn’t think you’d ever show up again. Why don’t you just give up? You got punked and you’ll never recover from it. Again, why are you here? Comedy is not your forte. Just stop. You’re an embarassment.
Racer X | February 14, 2008 at 11:06 am
WHA’CHU TALKIN’ BOUT WILLIS?!!!!!!!!!!!!
/good for him
D. Richards (Abomination.) | February 14, 2008 at 11:20 am
#48? That guy does that all the time; we have a connection, him and I — he follows me around; sometimes he responds; other times, he just watches and laughs; he’s actually on my side — you:
You don’t possess the intelligence to efficiently talk down to Dick. So You wait around for someone else to try — then you ‘side’. You’re a follower. You’re anonymous.
And ‘owned’. The only thing my anti-clone owns is the right to make his entire Superficial career out of mocking me. Trying to mock me, rather.
Dick’s elusive, sweets.