Gary Coleman gets hitched, also rides bronco

February 13th, 2008 // 67 Comments

Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:

Price said height wasn’t a consideration because, “He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet.” Still, the relationship isn’t without its problems. “He lets his anger conquer him sometimes,” Price admitted. “He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.”

I don’t see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That’s the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where’s my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.

Photo: Splash News
superficial

  1. deaconjones

    First you short retarded farting cunts.

  2. Heroiny

    The apocalypse is surely upon us.

  3. Love the 80′s vest…note the “Roots” emblem…WTC???

    That little dude’s scary. I wouldn’t marry him with a ten foot pole!!

  4. digdug

    follow the yellow brick road.

  5. Costco:It's What's For Dinner

    That jacket makes him look short.

  6. Costco:It's What's For Dinner

    His story is the same sad one as the Munchkins of the 1940s. Never hire a midget to do a grown man’s job. It only gets their hopes up and then the rest of us have to look at the depressing photos for the next 20 years.

  7. Anign

    That’s what fell out of Tyra’s butt at the fashion show.

  8. D. Richards (Hands.)

    Oh, isn’t Gary just the cutest little cowboy you’ve ever seen?! ‘OMG’, Whook-w’at-whim, he’s just so cute; I wanna put him in my pocket.

    Women, imagine yourself having intercourse with (…) Gary Coleman. What kind of gratification could one possibly achieve through sex with (…) Gary Coleman?! His chapped lips on your body. His ashy penis rubbing against your lower thighs — dripping it’s pre-juice. The sex. A facial! What do you suppose it would be like to have Gary ejaculate on to your face? Boy.

    Hey, some people are desperate.

  9. JJ

    Does he ride a pony or is that too big?

  10. D. Richards (Biologist.)

    #7! Ha-Ha-Ha! Nice.

  11. rustynail

    Rides a Bronco?

    I am sure they mean “drives a white ford Bronco”

  12. Gerald_Tarrant

    Funny story about Gary. He came in to the motorcycle shop I used to work at and tried to sell his motorcycle. I say motorcycle but it was a Honda Rebel 250, which barely qualifies as a motorcycle. Anyway, he came strolling up the walk to the show room and the salesmen went running, apparently Gary had a temper. Let it be said that I have never been scared of any midget, so I took the up. He was cool, didn’t really care, didn’t get worked up that we wouldn’t buy his baby bike. Seemed like a real nice kid.

  13. @11 Was there a large black man in the back seat holding gun to his head??

  14. The Office Whore

    D. Richards. I hate you. In the sweetest way possible. yak.

  15. nipolian

    I have never seen the movie Brokeback Mountain…..But this is what I picture the cowboys looking like.

    PS #7 – LMFAO…..that’s fucking hilarious.

  16. Auntie Kryst

    Fish, when you say riding a bronco are we talking those kiddie rides outside of the grocery store?

    P.S. I’m what Willis was talkin’ bout.

  17. deaconjones

    He looks like a Nazi from the waist down, whats he trying to say?

  18. misery bunny

    this is my favorite story of all time. he’s got wedding photos with his ginger bride too.

    every six months i get a mormon catalog for the previous resident. instead of imitation designer cologne, they’ve got imitation hollywood movies, i guess b/c mainstream movies are no-no’s. hey, mormons gotta have fun too! coleman’s in some imitation “dodge ball” mormon film. i have nothing further to say.

  19. IKE

    That BRONCO is the 22 year old that this tiny old geezer’s got as a wife!
    OK, 40 doesn’t classify him as a geezer….it just slipped out. Hmmm, I wonder how Tyra’s doing.

  20. whatever

    Wait, he married a bronco?

  21. DUMB BITCHES MAKE ME SICK

    so is height a problem or not? why does she say it doesn’t matter then says he’s taller to her because of how he is inside? why not say he’s perfect as he is? dumb bitch.

  22. Black midgets, blonde chicks from Utah, horses, lost virginity. Man, this sounds like a bad porn flick.

  23. Anonymous

    “Hey, some people are desperate.”

    And that includes you, D. Richards, and your ongoing attempts to be witty and relevant.

  24. Superevil

    No pics of his yeti wife?

  25. Mark

    He is such a despicable turd!!!

  26. lys

    I’d let that little man crawl up my ass and pleasure me like a giant gerbil or loving fist!

  27. D. Richards (Unfunny.) (Obviously.)

    Fuck. Anonymous is on me like a fly buzzing ’round a steaming cowpie.

    Hey, Anons, I say the same thing to Jesus.

  28. D. Richards

    #14. I hate myself as well.

  29. Spiraticus

    #5 made me lmao!

  30. Spiraticus

    #5 made me lmao!

  31. D. Richards please die (seriously)

    Everyone here is sick of you and imagines the horrid extension of what has never been your life grinding down to it’s inevitable conclusion. False teeth getting looser as the gums recede, the hair and scalp flakes falling out from your head onto and into your ragged keyboard, corn yellow toenails rotting at the ends of your fungus infected feet, tears of lonliness running like canals all over the deep wrinkles of your worn and haggard face, ear wax, snot, unshowered crotch odor, plates of half eaten food surrounding your outdated pc with roaches running in all directions (imagine folks the erratica of such peripheral visual assault!), the phone next to your keyboard that never rings. It never rings (why won’t someone in the name of Jesus – or whatever godless maniacs implore to in the dread of every night’s ritual of terror)!
    I hope the people – ahhh the other people – (he could pray to them for love) are amused by this rant, by that quip, how about that cruel blasphemy or concoction of angst-induced agression to the people? (He breathes raggedly and snorts in his viscious excitement) Will this seem sufficiently nasty? Dick Dicks loves to hurts the other peoples. Nasty peopleses!
    He waits all night too read their reactions to his assaults. Til late late he can no longer keep his ghastly long neck vertical, the head slumps and rest on his pillow (keyboard) where it rests until the morn.

  32. Chris

    Getting in fights with fans. Selling his pants for money on Ebay, etc, etc..what a loser. This young girl sure knows how to pick ‘em. The whole thing is wrong on every level possible. Eeeew.

  33. Anonymous

    #31:

    FUCK YES!! You hit the nail on the head a thousand time over. You can bet that moron is furiously trying to come back with a clever retort, but no way can he top what you just wrote. Hats off to you, my friend.

  34. Let me guess, his wife is a wannabe actress/model. I mean….They must really be in love!!!

  35. UNCLE NED

    Aww, what a cute little outfit he’s wearing.

    Anyway, hope it works out and no one gets killed in the process.

  36. Wife

    What no picture of the Mrs.

    This is just plain wrong. How can we have any real fun with this story without a pix of his little wifee.

    Superfish Dude, this story is only half-baked without seeing his better half.

  37. AZ Cowgirl

    He sure is a cute little cowpoke, but he’s no Buffalo Soldier.

  38. TexasCougar

    I’d fuck him.

  39. whoa

    #7 = best post. one-liners rock.

  40. Sing a Song

    Where have all the Cowboys gone…..

  41. nice

    Who cares this? I need to date my new girl on Richkiss.com. She’s a hot model with pretty face. I love her much. We’ll have a nice chat and a good time there. See you then.

  42. Dick Dicks (Small.)

    Ha-Ha! #31 is by far my favorite basher.

  43. magpie

    I saw some shit about him on the news with the audio on mute, but if the red head is his wife she’s fucking hot & I never thought I’d say this shit but Gary Coleman well fucking done sir well fucking done. She’s hot HOTTTTT!!!!!

  44. D. Richards (Whore.)

    Shit, Mag. Did you see the teeth on Gary’s skuzz?

    If you did, then you wouldn’t be saying red’s ‘hot’. Intensely gapped teeth; much gum.

    Also, for those of you that aren’t aware, Gary’s wife is borderline retarded.

  45. Janine

    Wow, did you say he ‘finally lost his virginity?’ I sincerely hope that is a joke!!!!!!!

  46. Benson the black

    That kneegar is EPIC FAIL!

  47. D. Richards

    I forgot to mention:

    Gary is one very handsome lawn jockey. Hooray!

  48. Anonymous

    Hey D. Richards,

    Why are you even here? You were owned so badly by #31 I didn’t think you’d ever show up again. Why don’t you just give up? You got punked and you’ll never recover from it. Again, why are you here? Comedy is not your forte. Just stop. You’re an embarassment.

  49. Racer X

    WHA’CHU TALKIN’ BOUT WILLIS?!!!!!!!!!!!!

    /good for him

  50. D. Richards (Abomination.)

    #48? That guy does that all the time; we have a connection, him and I — he follows me around; sometimes he responds; other times, he just watches and laughs; he’s actually on my side — you:

    You don’t possess the intelligence to efficiently talk down to Dick. So You wait around for someone else to try — then you ‘side’. You’re a follower. You’re anonymous.

    And ‘owned’. The only thing my anti-clone owns is the right to make his entire Superficial career out of mocking me. Trying to mock me, rather.

    Dick’s elusive, sweets.

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