In the latest issue of Playboy, Gary Oldman gives what is otherwise a goddamn awesome and candid interview about his career that unfortunately no one will go back and read because halfway through he decides to say Mel Gibson was right about the Jews and Alec Baldwin should be able to call the paparazzi cocksucking fags without everyone getting all uppity. Two people, who for the record, Gary Oldman brought up on his own, so go ahead and put down your, “Man, I hate these stupid gotcha questions” guns:
PLAYBOY: Mel Gibson?
PLAYBOY: What do you think about what he’s gone through these past few years?
OLDMAN: [Fidgets in his seat] I just think political correctness is crap. That’s what I think about it. I think it’s like, take a fucking joke. Get over it. I heard about a science teacher who was teaching that God made the earth and God made everything and that if you believe anything else you’re stupid. A Buddhist kid in the class got very upset about this, so the parents went in and are suing the school! The school is changing its curriculum! I thought, All right, go to the school and complain about it and then that’s the end of it. But they’re going to sue! No one can take a joke anymore.
I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things. We’re all fucking hypocrites. That’s what I think about it. The policeman who arrested him has never used the word nigger or that fucking Jew? I’m being brutally honest here. It’s the hypocrisy of it that drives me crazy. Or maybe I should strike that and say “the N word” and “the F word,” though there are two F words now.
PLAYBOY: The three-letter one?
OLDMAN: Alec calling someone an F-A-G in the street while he’s pissed off coming out of his building because they won’t leave him alone. I don’t blame him. So they persecute. Mel Gibson is in a town that’s run by Jews and he said the wrong thing because he’s actually bitten the hand that I guess has fed him—and doesn’t need to feed him anymore because he’s got enough dough. He’s like an outcast, a leper, you know? But some Jewish guy in his office somewhere hasn’t turned and said, “That fucking kraut” or “Fuck those Germans,” whatever it is? We all hide and try to be so politically correct. That’s what gets me. It’s just the sheer hypocrisy of everyone, that we all stand on this thing going, “Isn’t that shocking?” [smiles wryly] All right. Shall I stop talking now? What else can we discuss?
Actually, it would be pretty okay if Jews had some shit to say about Germans because, oh I dunno, genocide, but things like context and nuance aren’t exactly Commissioner Gordon’s strong suit. A role that was nothing but a paycheck to him, by the way, like half of his career including The Fifth Element. (I’m sorry, Photo Boy.)
OLDMAN: More and more, people in this culture are able to hide behind comedy and satire to say things we can’t ordinarily say, because it’s all too politically correct.
PLAYBOY: Do you have something in mind?
OLDMAN: Well, if I called Nancy Pelosi a cunt—and I’ll go one better, a fucking useless cunt—I can’t really say that. But Bill Maher and Jon Stewart can, and nobody’s going to stop them from working because of it. Bill Maher could call someone a fag and get away with it. He said to Seth MacFarlane this year, “I thought you were going to do the Oscars again. Instead they got a lesbian.” He can say something like that. Is that more or less offensive than Alec Baldwin saying to someone in the street, “You fag”? I don’t get it.
PLAYBOY: You see it as a double standard.
OLDMAN: It’s our culture now, absolutely. At the Oscars, if you didn’t vote for 12 Years a Slave you were a racist. You have to be very careful about what you say. I do have particular views and opinions that most of this town doesn’t share, but it’s not like I’m a fascist or a racist. There’s nothing like that in my history.
What’s hilarious about these examples is Alec Baldwin is a liberal and got nailed to the fucking wall. But considering Gary Oldman spent the paragraph before this blowing Charles Krauthammer, there’s literally no point in trying to explain any of this to them, but I’ll try anyway. Watch me say these words that come next: Kike spic nigger banana faggot. See, I can say that because of satire which does count because I’m not purposefully using them to perpetuate an ideal that someone is lesser than me and therefore should be deprived of basic human rights. But when Mel Gibson or Alec Baldwin comes frothing out of their house, screaming “Goddamn cocksucking Jews!” that’s angry old men who can’t understand the changing world around them and still want to exert their now-dwindling superiority as straight white males. But you know what? They don’t have to change because they’re going to die soon anyway and life will move on. Sort of like how you at a young age looked at old people like your father who worked as a welder and went, “I’m going to do things differently.” It’s life, man. The young overthrow the old, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. I’m going to be stabbed by a Belieber at some point because that’s the price of living in a society with YouTube videos. Change is a motherfucker.
UPDATE: And here’s the apology which must be shocking coming from a “real man” who doesn’t give a shit about PC-pussies. Amirite?