Gary Oldman’s Still Apologizing

June 26th, 2014 // 28 Comments
Gary Oldman Jimmy Kimmel
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When Gary Oldman issued an apology for his Playboy interview where he agreed with drunken Mel Gibson that “The Jews” run Hollywood and Alec Baldwin should be allowed to call the paparazzi faggots without fear of reprisal, there were two ways to look at it, and admittedly, even I couldn’t tell: Either it was a sarcastic “Fuck You” to the Anti-Defamation League, or it was a way too syrupy sweet blowjob to them written by an overzealous PR flack. Regardless, they weren’t having it, and so here is the part where manly men expected Gary to come out guns-blazing and continue his one-man war on politically correct pussies and their faggot-like regard for others, but instead he went on Jimmy Kimmel and cried and apologized some more because, again, it’s written right in the interview that even Gary Oldman realized Gary Oldman was saying stupid shit Gary Oldman shouldn’t have been saying. As for why he didn’t get out in front of it, I’ll assume he actually thought Playboy would edit out the Mel Gibson stuff instead of going, “Holy shit, you got that on tape?!” and riding pageview unicorns into mountains of coke. And when you think about it, of course he’s apologizing because at the end of the day, his main argument is that we’re all as racist, homophobic, misogynistic, whatever as Mel Gibson which is a pretty fucking tall order. Christ, even this neighborhood watch member who just got outed as a KKK Grand Dragon is remarkably polite(-ish):

“I know we have a bad name, but it’s not that way no more,” he insists. “When was the last time a black or Hispanic got hung on a tree?

And here’s Mel Gibson:

“You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.”

The words you’re looking for are, “Jesus Christ, he made a Klan member sound like he’s serving afternoon tea.” But go ahead and think Gary Oldman was right in saying we’re all just as bad. Unless some of you really are scoring blowjobs with threats of arson, in which case, what’s your secret? *takes out a pen and pad*

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  1. JC

    I like the idea that Oldman had this completely irrational train of thought: “There’s no way that Playboy, a magazine that’s been made completely pointless because of internet porn, will publish old-white-dude-hate-speech by a famous actor. What would they have to gain, other than desperately needed revenue?”

  2. Fish, you really gotta let the Alec Baldwin “faggots” thing go. It’s 2014 and that hasn’t been a real gay slur for a decade. Unless specifically aimed at gays, it’s really not that big a deal to see a pissed off guy call someone a fag or faggot in the heat of the moment. And Baldwin has a lot of heat in his fury.

    • Thing is, were Baldwin to be made aware of whatever the fully- functional gay slur of the modern day might be, he would more than likely adopt it.

    • So, how do you explain his use of “mincing little queen”?

    • MD

      Faggot is actually a bundle of sticks or cigarettes I believe in Britain, perhaps he was referring to that when he used the term. Who are we to speculate?!

    • How many gay folks do you interact with regularly? Because I can tell you that every single one of my gay friends finds ‘fag’, and especially ‘faggot’ to be offensive as hell in any context.

      Even the use of ‘gay’ (as in ‘That Bieber video is gay as shit’) is still really offensive to some when used as an insult, and I’ve pretty much nixed my use of it (even though I personally think it’s adopted a wholly unrelated meaning at this point), because I can easily find another word to use rather than upset friends who have been through shit I can’t even imagine having to deal with.

  3. To inform Mr. Oldman:
    The last “Lynching” was in 1981. After a hung jury where a black man was charged with killing a cop, Michael Donald was chosen at random, kidnapped, beaten, had a rope wrapped around his neck, strangled, then when he wouldn’t die fast enough they slit his throat and left him hanging from a tree.

  4. Hmm. I wonder if there’s something interesting going on elsewhere on the internet? Seems to be the same-old, same-old on here.

  5. Sounds like Gary is saying; ” I knocked back a few before I headed to the interview, and I tend to “rage” a bit when the alcohol gets control.”

  6. This combination of Gary Oldman, Mel Gibson, and KKK Grand Wizards reads like when Fox News was trying to conflate Saddam, Al-Qaeda, and 9/11.

    It apparently worked on rattinnacage.

  7. So he’s deeply sorry that his thoughts sounded a lot better in his head than when he said them out loud. Big deal. That’s pretty much every comment I’ve ever made on this site.

  8. Horseface McGee

    Jews should apologize for Sarah Jessica Parker.

  9. I still disagree with his ‘behind closed doors’ shit, but fuck he’s hard to hate. Damn you, Oldman, I still love you. We’ll talk, and I’ll knock some sense into you, and all will be well. Call me?

  10. Bluto

    Somewhere, in the backroom of an abandoned ice cream parlor, Jonah Hill giggles into his man boobs.

  11. D-chi

    So you’re saying there are white wealthy straight guys who are bigots and who think they can say whatever they want with no repercussions. In other news, the sky is blue.

  12. YOUR FAULT

    I hate to say it, but Mel Gibson’s “pack of n***ers” explosion is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. He’s literally equating them with vicious animals. What a psycho.

  13. LL

    Assholes always say everybody’s an asshole like them. Because assholes like to ACT like assholes but they don’t like being CALLED an asshole.

    They’re very sensitive that way.

  14. Slash

    OPEN ON GARY OLDMAN DISCUSSING HIS RECENT PR DIFFICULTIES WITH HIS PUBLICIST AND HIS MANAGER.

    MGR: Now, Gary, I think we’re in a spot of bother with this, you’ve gotta issue a statement …

    GARY: What’s the fucking deal?! I call people “cunt” all the time, you don’t hear people in the UK going all weak in the knees about it. Fucking precious Americans and their precious fucking feelings …

    PUBLICIST: Well, Gary, it’s just that the examples you used were rather more mean-spirited than I think you were aware. For example, I’ve typed up some of the Alec Baldwin business: “I’m gonna find you, George Stark, you toxic little queen, and I’m gonna fuck…you…up.” “[I']d put my foot up your fucking ass, George Stark, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”

    GARY: Bloody hell.

    MGR: Yes. Well, here’s what Mel Gibson said in a phone conversation (READS THE TRANSCRIPT ALOUD): “You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.”

    PUBLICIST: And yes, well, that mess about the child’s teacher, well, the thing is, not only did the teacher say insulting things to the Buddhist child about his religion and was completely unapologetic about it, when the parents went to the school superintendent, they were told they should either change their religion or transfer their child to another school where there were more Asians.

    GARY: Good Lord. What the fuck are they on about? No wonder those parents were angry.

    MGR: Quite.

    GARY: Well, I’ll tell you, I feel just awful about this. You know, I read a bit of the internet from time to time but I didn’t know about any of this shit. Tell you what, lads, you write me up a nice apology and I’ll go public with that and maybe put this behind us. Guess I shouldn’t drink before interviews, eh? (LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY)

    MGR: Yes, that’s a good idea. Thanks, Gary.

  15. Okay NOW that Oldman has provided copious amounts of salve to soothe everyones raging butthurt, can you finally wash the sand out of your vagina Superfish? Stop focusing on your sensitive chapped ass and get back to posts on nip slips and cellulite.

    • It’s my job to write about Gary Oldman.

      It’s your job to get butthurt about it and complain which you just did in spades. The circle is now complete.

    • For every assclown that cries and whines about political posts getting in the way of their precious celebrity nudity, a photo of Kathy Griffin naked poolside awaits.

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