Gargoyle Man: ‘I’m Not Dating Christina Aguilera’

October 27th, 2010 // 58 Comments

Seen here letting everyone know being married to a Mole-Person didn’t leave her with claws suited for subterranean burrowing, Christina Aguilera is not dating Samantha Ronson who just denied the rumors to TMZ this afternoon. Of course, this means one thing and one thing only: Christina Aguilera hates getting oral sex. Frankly, I didn’t think they still made women like that – outside of my ex who, in her defense, was dead inside – which makes me wonder what other mysteries of the human body exist out there. A barking man? Flipper children? Black people who aren’t good at sports? My God, the possibilities are endless…

Photos: Fame, Splash News

superficial

  1. Turd Ferguson

    Man…that face….

  2. she looks fuckin crazy hot here, I thought she was losing it for a while there

  3. Cock Dr

    Certainly you didn’t expect a full lesbian confession did you?
    Not with a pending divorce, piles of cash, child custody and crazy ginger junkie ex-girlfriend issues all around. Some mysteries must be preserved.

  4. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    gogo
    Commented on this photo:

    ouch..that leg..

  5. gogo

    ouch..that leg..

  6. Ksurfiws

    I would munch that box until she liked it.

    …and once again…proving it’s the left that is racist

  7. Everything is good here except her stringy, plastic-looking wig/weave. Would it kill celebrities to wear their own hair?? No one wants to run their fingers through strands of nylon…Save possibly pediophiliacs

  8. That Guy

    So Samantha Ronson and Christina aren’t going to form The Scissor Sisters?

  9. The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

    7 comments – 3 of which criticized her looks in some way. Jesus H. – And here’s why I go by the name THE ONLY HETERO IN THIS JOINT.

    I would have absolutely no problem burrowing in where Mole Man left off.

    I’ll tell you what Fish – You are on lucky bastard: YOU must have THE best looking folks on the planet for each of them to routinely visit this site and criticize hot looking females.

    • fatguyinalittleshirt

      agreed 1000%. Confuses the hell out of me.

    • I like calling hot chicks fat and ugly. As a fat, jobless, balding, 38 year old male living with my parents, it makes me feel really good. Now excuse me while I go masturbate for the 7th time today.

    • jill

      TLDNR

    • Pangulin

      No offense but saying that you would burrow into a faked up wax dummy passing as a human being does not real qualify you as anything remotely human,let alone a heterosexual.
      Xtina with her natural hair wouldn’t be Xtina any longer, in fact I would wager that half the people here don’t even know what she looked like before Madam Tussualt got a hold of the contract to do her makeup and hair for her.

      Just sayin’

      • The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

        Give me a break: The Fish posted pics of her just the other day when she was pumpkin shopping with Mole Man Jr. – She looked pretty damn awesome and quite F’able to me. But then again I’m just a functioning heterosexual man with an eye for the ladies – and who – ABOVE ALL ELSE – understands that women come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and religious affiliation (I’m talking to you Elizabeth Moss!) and they are all beautiful in their own way…

        I am so sick of the discourse here that basically boils down to:
        - Horse face!
        - Fat!
        - Cellulite!
        - Add your own bullshit here…

        I mean what the hell – maybe Fish should adjust this site so that all posters would need to include at least a head shot. Then let’s see if we really DO have a whole bunch of TENS here who can feel comfortable pontificating about the physical ‘faults’ of the people Fish posts about.

        Here: Let me make it easy for you: I am a 3…maybe a 4 if the lighting is right (pitch black). You want gargoyle action…? Hey you’re looking at him!

        Here’s an apology to all the gays and all the fag hags here: IF you thought my call sign was related in any way to a gay vs hetero thing you are 100% wrong. I took my name because this site has been overrun with a whole lot of folks who are waiting for some kind of perfection any normal hetero man OR woman most certainly would not be!

        Let the bashing begin!

    • Oh Dear

      “YOU must have THE best looking folks on the planet”

      Why, thank you for noticing! :)

    • Texasrose

      Yet you call her husband “Mole Man” how is that any better than the people that don’t find CA attractive?
      I think she was attractive before she was doing the white blonde hair and the heavy makeup

  10. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Commented on this photo:

    gorgeous. beautiful face, beautiful figure, lovely legs and feet.

    niiiiiiice….

  11. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Commented on this photo:

    what the fuck? why is it that, when i make a post on an enlarged pic (where, right now, I’m seeing 8 other comments) do MY comments wind up on some otherworldy, nebulous page where there are NO posts…?

    I don’t get it. What beez i doin wrong?

  12. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    LEGGY
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are some legs, man!!!!!!

  13. Ash Bones

    Give me 2 minutes with her, it would be the best 2 minutes of my life!!

  14. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    mimi
    Commented on this photo:

    ewww…

  15. Casey

    She looks pretty hot here- and she still has the extra weight from photos a week or two ago. Just goes to show you that the right outfit makes all the difference. Way to figure that out, Xtina. Now lose some of the makeup and you’ll be a 10 instead of a 9.

    • Carolyn

      Her face has always looked like it was painted on. She’s so pretty, but you’re right, lose some of the makeup.

  16. LJ

    She can wrap those legs around my head anytime.

  17. Butt Lovin Bear 401

    Would it be a surprise if the two of them were munching on each other? I doubt it. I think more women & men in the entertainment industry walk on the other side of the fence than anyone realizes & some you would never expect

  18. lydia edwards

    whats wrong with women ? women are beautiful .

  19. Butt Lovin Bear 401

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with women. If the “man upstairs” made anything better he kept it for himself

  20. Julie

    All I can say is, “GROSS!” Headlines of women dating women is sleaze.

  21. Anne

    What is a mole man? Christina Aguilera is pretty skanky.

  22. too much make up and fake hair/weave/wig is what makes her unattractive. When she did the video for “Your so Beautiful” she had minimal make up on and looked STUNNING. That’s my problem with her. The Tammy Faye Baker face paint type make up when her features, toned down and muted, are absolutely incredible.

  23. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    meh
    Commented on this photo:

    Wrinkly legs.

  24. TJL

    Is it me or is she looking pretty crappy these days, too made up.

  25. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Commented on this photo:

    “What? Charlie now says that the hooker thing is “overblown”? Hmmm…………
    wasn’t that the same defence (overblown?) that Bill Clinton used during the
    Monicagate scandal”?

    “Frenchie” McFarlane

  26. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Doright
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s the mole-person all about ! Did she go from a mole male to a mole female ! She have a body by fisher solid to the bone …..It’s all a game they play . Only the walls know the truth and they are not talking …………He isn’t
    her type ! They don’t look like a couple who is compatible at All ………….

  27. montana

    Who is the uneducated ass who wrote that paragraph? How do you justify paying someone for something like that ?

  28. DJ

    Who flippin’ cares?!?!?

  29. Gunsmoke

    Parents Beware if your Kids Want to Become Celebs Some Day – The World Out There is Full of Moral Entrapment Drugs and Tempting Depravations, Is It Really Worth Being On The Cover of Some stupid Tabloid ??

  30. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    stricker
    Commented on this photo:

    Seems to have cankle characteristics

  31. courtney

    HAH.
    She didn’t come out as bisexual until it was fashionable, edgy, and cool to do so. Another plea for attention. We’re sorry your album flopped, Christina, but give it a rest for pete’s sake.

  32. Cardinal Fang

    Am I the only one here thinks she’s a donut away from losing her skinniness all together? Like Hawaiian or Guamanian girls. Very pretty when they’re young. Starting defensive end size and weight beginning in their 30′s – or marriage, which ever comes first.

  33. v-tard

    X’tina hates oral sex?

    Fish could you be more specific? As in GIVING or RECEIVING?

  34. Willy Wonka

    She doesn’t like getting her Vag munched on???

  35. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Rugerfaces
    Commented on this photo:

    I do her anytime

  36. Christina Aguilera at the SLA Hotel
    Willy Wonka
    Commented on this photo:

    First! Cocksuckers!

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