Comic-Con Day 2: I’m In Love With A Giant
Welcome to Day Two of our Comic-Con coverage which I’m telling myself will justify beefing this Friday to go see Guardians of The Galaxy and spending way too long writing a dick-joke laden review of it. Lies are fun. Anyway, let’s get to it. I’ve still got Most Important People to put up when I should be on the couch replenishing my word juice.
Game of Thrones
To the surprise of no one, the Game of Thrones panel fucking killed which usually happens when you bring an actual giant woman who looks remarkably good dolled up. I would hire Sherpas and somehow hit that. I’m still working out the logistics. *doodles a crude series of lifts and pulleys* Oh, and they also brought a blooper reel from Season 4 which exploded the Internet’s dick off. Probably because it contains this:
No, I’m not crying. *wipes tears* There’s a water leak in my house. Shut up.
I’ve yet to sit down and watch this show, but everyone I talk to through a screen because human contact is scary has told me it’s completely slapping the shit out of the DC Comics movies. So here’s a bunch of info about Arrow Season 3 which will apparently feature Brandon Routh as The Atom because that’s how hard Superman Returns fucked his career. He went from the cinematic version of the most prominent character in the history of comic books to fan service on a CW show. Which is why it’s always important to let Bryan Singer touch your special place. (I’ll wait for you to get your kid so you can read that to them. I’ve got time.)
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
While Arrow might have Deathstroke, The Atom, Arsenal, Harley Quinn and a whole shitload of other comic favorites, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is finally bringing the big guns this season with… Mockingbird? Fucking Mockingbird? You know what? Just watch the Patton Oswalt video. Forget everything you read up here. Mockingbird? Goddammit.
Guardians of The Galaxy 2
Presumably because their big television news was fucking Mockingbird, Marvel announced a day ahead of their movie panel that James Gunn will be back to direct Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Which is funny because Marvel dangled Thunderbolts in front of him if he did a good job with GoTG – And all signs point to that happening. – only to turn around and go, “Haha, just kidding. Make another one, or we kill your whole family.” Okay, I may have made up that last part. Or did I?
Nicolas Cage In Superman Lives
And finally, this news didn’t come out of Comic-Con, but pretty much over-shadowed literally everything yesterday – including Game of Thrones (Forgive me, my giant love.) – because it’s the trailer for the documentary on Superman Lives, the legendary aborted movie that would’ve featured a be-mulleted Nicolas Cage as Superman directed by Tim Burton. And Jesus Christ, the test footage. I feel like someone should legally should have to make this now otherwise this is all just a giant cocktease. The human mind can only be promised so much.