Friday in a Slutty Miley Cyrus Nutshell

While I attempted to (unsuccessfully) salvage my vacation, here’s a quick rundown of Friday’s gossip as told by sites who didn’t take the day off because they got rain on their toesies:

Miley Cyrus paraded around Hollywood in ridiculously small denim shorts (above) while frequenting over-21 nightclubs. You can practically smell the strollers getting run over from here. [Lainey Gossip]

Oksana Grigorieva apparently accused Timothy Dalton of abuse to get more child support, just like she’s doing with Mel Gibson. I wonder if she tricked Timothy into recording anti-Semitic rants, too. I’ve Mel’s been saying for years that’s exactly the character tic James Bond’s missing. “I thought Christmas only came once a year — but not for Jews.” *actives jetpack* [TMZ]

Rihanna called Ke$ha, Lady GaGa and Katy Perry “generic pop” during a BBC Radio interview. In related news, Chris Brown is still an asshole and this changes nothing. [Celebuzz]

Michael Lohan is going to make sure Lindsay doesn’t “stress out” by explaining to her that him taking over all of her finances is a great idea and not just because he can finally make all those child support payments and avoid jail. That’s maybe 80% what this is about. 90 at best. [RadarOnline]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt set fire to their divorce papers because only the combined retard energy of two asshats would think an open flame near Heidi’s breasts is a good idea. It’s like trying to cause another Hindenburg. Twice. [Us Magazine]

Frankie Muniz used to look down on Shia LaBeouf back in the day, and now The Beef will never let him forget who eventually got the chance to drive a beloved film franchise into the ground with an assist from CGI gophers. Suck it, Malcolm. [Dlisted]

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News