Fred Willard Arrested For Pulling A Pee-Wee

July 19th, 2012 // 69 Comments
Fred Willard
The Bright Side
Tara Reid Bikini New Boyfriend Joshua Darval
There Are Worse Stars From The 'American Pie' Movies Read More »

“They’re up, they’re up!”

Wall-E star Fred Willard (What? Everyone else is choosing random movies.) was arrested in Hollywood last night for allegedly masturbating in an adult movie theater because apparently they still have those, and even weirder, people still expect you to do something besides not touch yourself there. Beats me. (Last pun, promise.) TMZ reports:

According to law enforcement sources, LAPD undercover vice officers went into the Tiki Theater in Hollywood and found the 78-year-old “Anchorman” star watching last night’s feature … with his penis exposed and in his hand — aka, pulling a Pee-wee Herman.
We’re told Willard was arrested around 8:45PM and booked for lewd conduct.
It was a quick release [Ed. Note: HIYO!] — we’re told he was out of police custody a short while later.

So if you’ve been wondering who actually goes to porno theaters anymore, old dudes. Old dudes go there. Which makes sense considering they’re not exactly a tech savvy bunch. “Whoa, whoa, I’m not looking at pornography on that thing. I can barely figure out how to talk to my grandchildren on it. Now fetch me my finest hat and coat, I’m off to masturbate in a dark room full of strangers like a man.”

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. cc

    An adult move theatre? Did he go there in this Edsel, fiddling with the dial the whole time in an effort to find Wolfman Jack?

  2. Honestly, at 78 years of age, I’m impressed he still had the energy to crank-start his pecker after crank-starting his car.

  3. Employee

    ‘Put ‘em in a cell with a long hose on him, put ‘em in a cell with a long hose on him’

  4. theoriginal LJ

    Well it’s good to know that the LA Vice Squad has cleared up all the heroin trafficking, sex trafficking and illegal gambling rooms in LA, so that they can now concentrate on busting guys jerking off in porn theaters. I guess now families can feel safe bring their kids to watch porn in those theaters without fear of guy’s jerking off all around them.

  5. I like this guy. He’s a funny motherfucker. I think he should be allowed to jack off just about anywhere.

    Mind you, I’d keep him away from those pens where the girl loses her bikini. Just while this whole thing blows over.

  6. bbiowa

    WTF did the cops EXPECT to find in the “Tiki Theater”? A bunch of mechanical birds singing Disney songs?

    Where the birds sing words and the hard-ons bloom
    In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room.

  7. DeucePickle

    Fred Willard is fucking awesome.

  8. achilles wrath

    He was in Stargate too.

    I’m not condoning it but what else are you supposed to do in a porn theater?

    • Bionic_Crouton

      Watch the movie and talk about the complexities of the plot. with your fellow porn aficionados.

  9. I wonder… when you order popcorn in an adult theater, do they offer you a container with a hole already cut in the bottom? And if so, what comes out of the butter dispenser?

  10. Frank Burns

    Some Fred Willard movie/television credits:

    The Yank
    Wiener Park
    Inside Schwartz
    Best in Show
    Idle Hands

  11. Beaver Underground

    First, what were officers expecting in an adult movie theater? Second… no, I guess it’s just the first.

  12. When I’m 78, I hope I have the energy to get arrested, masturbating in an adult theater!

  13. Urvag

    Fabulous….now someone explain the wet mark on his shirt.

    • Beaver Underground

      Do you really want him to explain?! I say ignorance is bliss… and probably a nightmare free sleep.

  14. I never suspected him before, but now I think maybe he did have a “hand” in Garth Gimble’s aluminum Christmas tree impalement!

  15. Fish summed it up perfectly. What the fuck do you think dudes are watching porn for? The story? The Academy Award worthy acting? No! Dudes watch porn to beat off. You turn it on jerk off and turn it off. Don’t even need to sit through the whole movie. 15-30 mins tops.

    • Y’know, I’ve always wondered who those 6- and 8-hour porn videos were made for…

    • I don’t want to make a film where they show up, sit down, jack off and get up and get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea to make a film that the story sucks them in. And when they spurt out that joy juice…they just got to sit in it. They can’t move until they find out how the story ends. I want to make a film like that. And I understand they have to make films. I’ve made them myself that are a few laughs, everybody fucks their brains out. And that’s fine. But it’s my dream to make a film that is true, and right…and dramatic.

    • Mike Walker

      So, does this confirm that Willard is gay? I mean, porn theatres are pretty much a gay hangout where a bunch of dudes watch each other jack off or jack each other off.

      And those sweaters… oogah.

  16. Ironically, you can jerk off in a regular theater and never get caught.

  17. zorbitor

    it won’t stand up in court

  18. Lemmiwinks

    Jacking off in a public park would constitute lewd behavior. Jacking off in a porno theater sort of goes with the territory. Of course the REAL downside is that if you step in something sticky there’s a good chance it’s not soda.

  19. rstak

    As long as it was his own pee-wee then I don’t see the problem.

  20. doesn’t he know the internet is overflowing with free porn? or he doesn’t know what the internet is?

    • Fred Willard

      Of course I know what the internet is, its the inner netting they invented to line swim trunks. It provides a comforting snugness.

  21. Backdoor Ninja

    What the police report conveniently leaves out is he was arrested for disturbing the officers jerking off.

  22. Captain Obvious

    It shouldn’t have been a surprise the cops showed up, just look at the review he posted on yelp

    http://www.yelp.com/biz/tiki-theatre-los-angeles#hrid:cbe0tEIZxt0C42MF538gEg

  23. caley

    “Wha’ happen?”

  24. The Royal Penis

    “Look! Nothing in my hands!”

  25. Inmate 12236969

    Porn theatre! Who the fuck goes to those anymore; how in the hell do they stay in business? Somebody needs to tell him about youporn or 89.com.

  26. Jack

    Couldnt he just put on a dvd or go online to do this?? LOL

  27. Archie Leach

    “Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love”

  28. Mandy

    I feel like if this was anyone else, I’d be creeped out. But since it was Fred Willard, it’s awesome.

  29. wildbill

    72 years old and still Bashing the Bishop with Sister Rosy Palm and the five nuns. I say good for him. Personally, I had hot sex three times last night. Too bad there wasn’t anyone around to enjoy it with me.

  30. jim

    Isn’t he a religious freak? Hypocrites.

  31. quaterindie

    Apparently his housekeeper threw out his National Geographic.

  32. Oz Matters

    What else can you do to stay awake watching “John Carter”?

  33. Deina

    FUCK, there’s an image I’m never going to get out of my head. Thanks a lot!

  34. suckmyladydick

    I feel really bad for the guy. So he’s a big freak for doing what all men do every single day solely because of where he did it? I call BULLSHIT. There were no kids around, he was in an adult theater in the freaking dark. I mean wha tthefuck do they expect wil happen if you put men in a drak room in front of porn, it’s like a cruel science experiement. This shit should be legal, no on eis beign hurt by it, except this poor old man who god bless him can still get it up, because now the uptight Hollywood hypocrites who probably have sex slaves in their freaking basements are going to freeze him out. The poor bastard just wanted to get off. Hug your men tight tonight ladies and give them an old fashioned for all the lonely old men out there whose only crime is using their hand as it were meant to be used.

    P.S. If he was a chick no one would have cared or even approached her, guys get such shit just for being guys sometimes. Unbelievable.

  35. suckmyladydick

    Holy typos batman. Sorry I was typing with one hand. Girls do it too!!

Leave A Comment